I never get a Thanks

When someone does something really stupid and then gets hurt as a result of that stupid something, I usually have a hard time feeling sorry. Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry but my pity comes more from the fact that that person is so stupid than the fact that he/she got hurt. Call me a bitch, I guess.

I save the softest part of my heart for children and pets of stupid people. Those are the ones I feel the sorriest for. I could never sit back and let something bad happen to a child or helpless animal because of her parent's/owner's stupidity. I actually saved a child's life once and instead of thanking me his STUPID mother was mean to me. A long time ago I was in a laundromat waiting for my clothes to dry. A woman came in with a little boy who was about 2 or 3. There was a front and back door and the front door was facing a tiny parking lot and very busy street. I was sitting next to the front door reading a book and mentally babysitting this child because he was playing with some mini METAL cars next to some ELECTRICAL OUTLETS. I also want to add that she was dressed fairly nice but for whatever reason decided not to put any clothes except a diaper on her kid, and he had no shoes or socks on, even though it was 60 degrees outside. I also want to add that she had perfect makeup on, but didn't think wiping the ketchup from her son's face was a good idea. After about 5 minutes, the mother decided to go to the back door to smoke and flirt with a man who was repairing the screen who made a nasty comment about my legs just ten minutes before. No she did not bring her little boy with her. She just left him there with me, a PERFECT STRANGER. I assumed she was watching him from where she was-a big assumption. He kept calling,"Momma! Momma!" After a minute he just ran out the front door into the parking lot towards the street. Without even looking to see if his mother was coming I ran out after him just in time to grab him before he reached the street. When I brought him to his mother, she hadn't even noticed what the hell had just happened and was still there puffing away. When I told her what happened and handed her her little boy she said nothing for a few seconds a gave me the dirtiest, bitchiest look and said,"I thought he was with you!" I wanted to slap her, there I was freaking out, my heart beating a thousand times a minute and she's pissed off at me like it's my fault. Ok this was almost ten years ago and I still can't come up with a response to that. Why the hell I was non-verbally assigned to babysit for someone I'd never met in my life for free, I don't know. I didn't even say anything, I just went back to my book. Because of this I have bad feelings towards laundromats and we've never again lived in a place that didn't have a washer and dryer. OK and before any parents go and tell me about kids and how fast they are even under the strictest surveillance, I have 6 nephews ok. 6. I can garan-damn-tee that neither of my sisters, one of whom still smokes, have never been interested in hanging out at the back door of a laundromat flirting with a trashy guy thinking everything was fine because a PERFECT STRANGER was watching her kid.

Well this happened to me AGAIN. TODAY! Mr.Pea and I were eating lunch at a restaurant on their outdoor patio. A couple brought their dog and tied him to a chair. They both went inside to order. Why they tied him to a chair under the HOTDAMN 90 degree Florida sun with no shade and both needed to go inside, I don't know. Especially since they both looked like intelligent people. The poor lab was obviously trying to be a good boy since they told him to stay but was so hot and wanted to lay down about 2 more feet away under a tree. I went over to move the chair for him after a couple minutes because I couldn't take it anymore. Suddenly the guy comes out and says,"What's going on?" Like I'm trying to steal or something. I said, "He was trying to pull the chair to lay down in the shade so I was moving it." He looked at me like I was trying to murder someone. I said,"I'm not trying to steal him or anything." I was trying to make him laugh since apparently I must look like a criminal up to no good. I thought he would get it and say, oh ok thanks. He just said in a mean voice," Yeah well, we're all hot. Come here boy, it's ok."

F- YOU! Ok I didn't say that but I wanted to. I did however, smirk, when the dog walked to the shade on his own and laid down wagging his tail and looking at me. poor dog. At that point, I would have stole him, if I could have, just so he wouldn't have to have such a jerk for an owner.

 

Tuesday Confession:

I'm back on the coffee again. Dammit. I did my best. I'm not blaming anyone or saying I fell off the no coffee wagon because of some French people that came to visit who drink coffee like the Earth is about to fall out of the Universe. And I'm not going to mention that if not for the fact that I had lived with them for a year, I never would've have started drinking coffee in the first place. I also won't mention that it was such a damn cold winter in Canada and whenever I would come inside from walking Peanut outside in the subzero temperature to a coffee aroma filled kitchen and my MIL asking in her sweet way if I'd like to have some that I couldn't help it, because until then I never even drank coffee. Ok so I said it then. Not in a blaming way but...I'm just saying..... I need to try to quit again soon. And I will cuz it's May now and it's about to start getting HOTDAMN outside. It's just that.... before they left, they bought a really big cannister of some really good coffee and I don't like to waste. Does coffee go bad if you don't drink it? Is there any hope for me at all?

How is it that when I decided to quit smoking I never had a problem, it was so easy? I put the damn cigarettes in a drawer and played this mental game with myself. I would tell myself,"No, I'm not quitting forever, I'm just keeping them in this drawer and choosing not to smoke today." I told myself that everyday and it worked. After about 2 months I was able to throw those cigarettes in the garbage and never looked back. Today I smell cigarettes and get grossed out. I think they're disgusting, I don't even want to be near them. I can't imagine smelling fresh coffee and getting grossed out no matter how hard I try. I think coffee might be a tool of the devil. If you don't believe me just look at Starbucks....ok?

I love and hate Starbucks.

I'm going to try to 'detox' this week. It's not going to be pretty.

Back in the swing of things

I needed a few days of 'nothing' for my body and brain so now I'm ready to get caught up with you, my peeps. Everything went well as far as my MIL's recovery and her doc gave her the ok to fly home so they left Friday. I'm of course more than a little sad but I'm going to try to get up there by the end of this summer for a visit if I can get a decent priced ticket. My house is too damn quiet now and I'm still trying to 'switch back to English' in my mind. I'm also watching the tides so I can get out to my beach since I haven't been there in forever.

Speaking of beach. Oh gosh. Over the weekend I finally broke down and went bathing suit shopping. This is a torture no woman should have to go through. I wish perfectly fitting bathing suits just fell down from the heavens with magic mirrors, that's all I feel like saying. I'm not the first one to say this. I don't care how perfect a woman's figure is, no one over 15 wants to look at her self in a bikini under those horrible lights. My advice is to go with your boyfriend or husband/ significant other, who's either A) already super in love with you and thinks you look cute in everything or B) been with you long enough to just automatically tell you look totally hot if he wants to avoid sleeping on the floor. But please don't fill my comments with how I shouldn't have a bad body image because I don't. Does this mean I think I look like crap? No. It just means I hate bathing suit shopping. Just not more than I like to eat....

What a scare

This has been a stressful week for us. Tuesday we rushed my mother in law to the hospital because she had nausea, abdominal pain and a fever of 103. After a CT scan we found out she had appendicitis and they had to operate as soon as possible. Ok I'm sure I mentioned in my last post that she is 82 years old. So imagine, she doesn't speak any English nor does her daughter and son in law who brought her here, and the day before she goes home her appendix nearly bursts. I chose a hospital near MrPea's work since, obviously, his French is better than mine and I wanted to make sure it would be easy for him to get there fast. Thankfully everything went well and she's convalescing comfortably in our home prolonging their visit for at least another week. I'm just so thankful this did not happen a day later while she was en route to Canada in a damn plane. I was so scared. I am proud of how well I held it together considering I only have two years of high school French. Ok and let me tell ya, anyone who goes on vacation with me to any French speaking country would be well taken care of...I might not be able to talk philosophy, my accent is not the prettiest, but dammit I can get you what you need! And I get better everyday. I'm as tired as tired can be from the sleeplessness and stress but I should be ok by this week's end.

Anybody need a ride ?

 

I might know someone who could help out. Designated driver service is also available for a couple milkbones....

Getting better

Unfortunately, I managed to give my 82 year old mother in law my cold. But that didn't ruin the whole visit. We managed to have a good time these past couple weeks. I'll be sad when everyone goes home. Last night we had this great idea to drive south to a protected beach to look at the stars. Until we realised there was a full moon out.....but still it was pretty. It was a giggly time.

Guess who has a cold...

Yep.

Still Alive

I got a lot of emails asking if I was ok. My in laws are here so I've barely been home. Sorry. My brain is all used up speaking French with just my 2 years of high school classes....I'll post better stuff and visit more soon.

Cross Creek

Thursday my friend Dee and I jumped in the car thinking we would just drive to "a river, any river" for a change of scenery not knowing we would end up here. We've been talking about making a trip to Cross Creek for a long time since both of us have read the book by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings about a thousand times. Usually our plans to leave early and stay all weekend in a small town nearby are usually interrupted by my many health issues or hers. We were already halfway there when we decided, Dammit we might as well go now. I was more excited because she had already been there before. What used to be the orange grove is now a park with lots of trees, benches, and places to picnic.

The rusty gate....

I was dying, just dying to bang on that bell and yell, Dinner! Ya'll bad kids git in herr and eat!

I didn't take any pictures inside the house because there was a tour going on there and it was full of people putting their greasy fingers all over even though we were asked not to. Just picture your Grandma's house with lots of books, that's pretty much what it looked like. Ok when we were in the guest room, I heard the tour guide say that a few famous people had slept there, including Ernest Hemingway. I heard, and I won't say who, but I heard someone whisper in my ear,"I'da slept with him..." I giggled loud enough for the tour guide to give me a stern look which, actually, is the real truth about why I don't have any pictures for ya'll of the inside of her home.

Above is the front porch where she did her writing. Below is the side porch. If you've seen the movie(which, in my opinion, was not as good as the book ) you'll recognize the water pump which still works but we weren't allowed to touch it.

We walked around a bit. The orange trees were in blossom and I was scared of the bees but the air smelled so nice. This is the servants' house. We peeked inside since my giggling got us in trouble and seperated from the tour group who was by now in the barn(and I don't have pictures of that either because the tour guide was mad at me.)

It was full of 'antses'

We snuck behind the little house looking for varmints, keeping an eye on the ground for any snakes. We were both in awe of the canopy. It is exactly how I pictured while reading and exactly how I thought old, undeveloped wild Florida was.

We wanted to stay longer for more walking around, more giggling and more pictures but we were dying of starvation and getting eaten by the bugs--what nature girls we are! We ate lunch at a place with a name I can't remember for the life of me but it smelled like my Grandma's kitchen at the farm. I have to admit that we pigged out on fried chicken, biscuits and fresh honey, greens, butter beans, mashed potatoes, rice and beans...all the food I just answered as my favorites in my last post but no strawberry shortcake. Like I had any room left anyway. We both decided if we had been real visitors to Cross Creek, that's probably what we would've been served. Is the Spanish moss romantic? I think so.

Friday I went soul searching elsewhere and found some of these......

47 odd questions my Aunt sent me

1. Do you like blue cheese? Gross! That would be a No.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No. It probably smells bad.

3. Do you own a gun? A glue gun.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? Haven't been there in probably 5 years but I like the Cherry Limeade.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Hello! Anyone who's been reading here knows YES. I pretend to not be scared though.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they're disgusting
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Don't really have one,
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee in the winter, Orange juice in the summer.

9. Can you do push ups? yes I can!!

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I haven't bought it yet. I'm not a big jewelry person but I have these pearl earrings MrPea bought me in Hawaii a few years ago that I love .

11. Favorite hobby? Looking for shark teeth and painting

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Probably

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? my temper maybe, and my body image issues

14. Middle name? Marie

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I'm thirsty. It's finally warm outside yay! I need to get my house together before my inlaws' visit next week.

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. I didn't buy anything yesterday....

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? water, water, water

18. Current worry? I have so many--that I might have to move before I can enjoy my summer here, my next CT scan in July, Peanut's turning into an old man

19. Current hate right now? high-waisted pants.I don't know who decided to try to start that trend but whoever did needs to give up that idea, they look horrible on everyone.

20. Favorite place to be? at the beach or on my patio with Peanut
21. How did you bring in the New Year? kissing my husband

22. Where would you like to go? to Hawaii but I could stay here in FL a little while too

23. Name three people who will complete this? whoever wants to

24. Do you own slippers? yes, some Hello Kitty ones I got in the kids' section at Target for my hospital stay last year

25. What shirt are you wearing? A white tee--also from Tar-jay

26. What year would you go back in time to? Kindergarten because I got to be the little Lady Blue Bird character in our Gingerbread Man play and sing,"Run Home! Chirp, Chirp! Run Home! Chirp, Chirp!" It was the best day ever.

27. Can you whistle? yes but I don't often, I'd rather sing

28. Favorite color? Don't really have one. I like to wear white alot but it's not my favorite color
29. Would you be a pirate? If the clothes look good on me. Just kidding! I'm not to big on pillaging and plundering so that would be a no.

30. What songs do you sing in the shower? Mostly reggae songs. Anything.

31. Favorite girl's name? Annabelle Lee from the Poe poem I think.If I had a daughter I wouldn't name her that though

32. Favorite boy's name? Any name that starts with a J. Every boy I've ever know with a J name has always been really nice, and really cute so I like J names.

33. What's in your pocket right now? Peanut's next doctor appointment reminder and a shark tooth

34. Last thing that made you laugh? My husband, he likes to make me laugh

35. Best Halloween costume? a dead rabbit

36. Worst injury you've ever had? hurt my leg in junior high, it aches sometimes when I'm tired. Spider bite form when I was a kid, I still have the scar
37. Do you love where you live? YES!!!!

38. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2

39. Who is your loudest friend? My friend Dee or my sister C

40. How many dogs do you have? One, (sigh)....I'd like nothing more than to have a basket full of pups but I live in a condo.

41. Does someone have a crush on you? always...just kidding, how the hell would I know

42. What is your favorite book(s)? Don't really have one. When I was little I loved all the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary.
43. What is your favorite candy? I don't like sweets but Hershey's Kisses are good once in a while. I'm more of a chips person

44. Favorite Sports Team? I don't do sports. I love the Olympics though.

45. Your favorite meal? Southern food.....fried chicken with biscuits or corn bread and mashed potatoes with butter beans. Strawberry shortcake for dessert. And my mom's Filipino food.

46. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Watching tv with MrPea and Peanut on our new bed
47. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Damn I love this new bed!

Whoever wants to use this for a post be my guest.

Tuesday Confession: My height

I tell everyone I'm 4'11". Actually I'm exactly 4'10 1/2". It's just that saying the "and a half" part sounds like it actually means a lot to me so I don't bother. Because it doesn't. And I figure I might as well round up since either way people laugh.


Tattletale!: My sister Neenee tells everyone she's 4'11" too. I'm taller than her so she can't be. I'm also taller than my mom and my other sister C. I'm the tallest girl in the family. Ha! I accomplished this by drinking milk....


These pics are bad because I took them with my cell phone. I was too lazy to dig out my camera and in a hurry to find some teeth.

I was barely there for 2 minutes when these popped up.
I rode my bike as usual and the scent of honeysuckle was in the air the entire ride. It was nice to be back, it's been too long. I have to admit, I laughed the whole way down the entrance stairs, I was so damn giddy. Jumping up and down was also involved.
The weather this week is going to be stormy so I probably won't get back out there until Sunday or Monday, depending what time low tide will be on those days.

"no news is good news" my liver!

My doctor's office called me today because I left a message this morning asking if my CAT scan results were in or not. She told me there was a bump on my liver but not to worry because it's probably something I was born with. Due to my history they want to keep an eye on it. So I will have another CAT scan in a few months and probably yearly follow ups just to make sure it's the same size. This is not good news but not bad news either, just news. Well it's sort of good news that they'll leave me alone for a few months because I need the break. Plus she told me not to worry because if Doc thought there was even a possibility of cancer on my liver, they wouldn't be waiting a few months, so I'm not going to worry. I guess.

Since it's on my liver, does that mean no more boozy, drunken, smoky sleazy bar fly nights? Damn I guess I'm going to have find a new hobby :O)

I don't remember the exact scientific word she used because I was in the car and I couldn't write it down. So I asked her to send me a copy of the report. I also asked for a letter stating my radiation information so that I could travel. I don't want to be taken to a secret interrogation room or sent to Guantanamo Bay just for trying to visit my sister.

I started feeling much better this week. I've been abnormally tired since I came home from the hospital and it was from anemia which I always have a problem with. MrPea calls me a weak link of nature. SO!? But I've been taking iron supplements in addition to my regular multi-vitamin and this week I finally feel the difference. So guess where I'm going tomorrow...

yes! I can't wait. All day I've been singing that song from, "Annie," Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow!

BTW since my post title is "no news is good news," I need to complain about that. I hate that. If anyone is going to charge me an arm and a leg for an invasive medical procedure the least they can do is call me even if it's just to say, "all's good!" What the hell?! To me it just means laziness.

Tuesday Confessions: Vanity Smurf or a Heathen

I found a gray hair on my head this week. Actually it was white. Yeah. Not a "bleached by the sun and peroxide" strand. It was a white hair growing from my head. Ok. I'm a little confused that it was a white hair not a gray one. I thought they were supposed to be gray first and then white. Did my hair decide to skip the gray and go straight into white? I'm not freaking out over this, I'm just wondering, is it happening now? And since I'm already on the topic, I have a small bald spot just above my ear from when my doctor removed a big ugly mole. I'm not very happy about it but it could be worse. I also found an age spot on my lower cheek. I pretend like it's just a freckle but it's not.


Ok those are just silly confessions. I have two more. 1. I ate meat on Good Friday and 2. I did not attend church on Friday or Easter. Ok in my defense, I had to eat meat because I am anemic again. But the church thing I don't really have any excuse, the truth is I just didn't want to go. oops.

Your turn guys.

Me and my Shadow(box)

Check it out ! I did stuff again...scientific stuff. Yessss! This isn't ALL of my shark teeth, I have thousands more. These are some of the bigger and nicely shaped ones. It was MrPea's idea, sort of. I haven't decided if I'm going to hang it up or keep it on the coffee table. I need to be able to geek out over them when the mood strikes so it has to be easily accessible.

I'm dying to get to the beach to look for some more. It's sunny and warm enough but the ocean wind is still so cold, I'm afraid I'll get sick so I'm waiting til next week maybe. I can't even describe how badly I need to get out there. Maybe that's how addicts feel. Oh but soon. Soon.


BTW If anyone thinks I got the Latin names wrong, let me know.

Oh and I forgot to mention that MrPea found a few himself(but I found all the big ones)

Random Tuesday Confessions about my CAT scan

-I have a big purple and green bruise on the inside of my arm where I had a HUGE IV needle from Friday's CAT scan. Technically it's two bruises close together to make one big butterfly shaped bruise because my vein, ahem, rejected the first needle poke and pushed it out. I didn't know my veins could do that. If only I had known this before, imagine all the other needles I could have rejected all those other times...damn. Oh well. Moving on, back to my confession: I show these bruises to anyone who bothers to look my way in an effort to get some pity because frankly I'm beginning to enjoy the attention from them. In fact I almost took a picture of my arm to post for extra blog-pity until I realized how pathetic and twisted that would seem . I'm just hoping no one mistakes them for heroine track marks. I don't look that sick.

-Speaking of my IV, the person in charge of the injection told me I would get a flush of heat and feel like I'd peed in my pants but not to worry. What?! Yeah. It happened. Not the peeing in the pants part. The freaking-out-because-I-thought-I-did-even-though-they-were-nice-enough-
to-explain-to-me -that-I-would-feel-like-I-did-but-not-to-panic-because-
I-didn't happened. I yelled loud enough to disturb whoever was having their own CAT scan in the next room,"Am I peeing in my pants? Omigawd, please tell me I'm not!" And as they were correct, I did not pee in my pants, I only felt like I did for a minute or 2. That would have been the tipping point for me. If I had actually peed on myself, I think I just may have relinquished the minuscule remainder of sanity I had left and would perhaps be in an insane asylum at this very moment. But fate smiled upon me Friday and luckily I'm still here, my peeps. So just to reiterate the most important part of Friday: I was peepee free and therefore held on to my sanity.

-BTW anyone out there ever had one too? If you're nodding your head(s) my hat goes off to you, dear(s). The prep they give you to drink....I don't even have words for this drink. It's called Berry Smoothie flavor. Um. They got it wrong. They should have just been honest and called it Berry Repulsive Goo. There's also a banana flavored one I was lucky enough to not have formed an opinion about. But let me tell you, this drink is so disgusting, it's the color and texture of lotion and you have to drink a big #$%* bottle of it in 20 minutes. Yes. Ever get the urge to drink an entire bottle of lotion for breakfast? Me neither.

SO I guess the conclusion of my whole post for today is, I'm a pretty crappy patient. I freak out even when I'm told not to and my freak out sessions are loud enough to disturb others with probably more serious issues than mine. I'm definitely afraid of peeing in my pants. I hate needles yet enjoy the pity and attention I receive after the trauma of it all is over. And I complain about anything I'm given to eat or drink that has the word "prep' on it. You don't have to feel sorry for me if you don't want to.


I'm not sure when I'll hear from my doc about the scan, I'm guessing next week so I'll let ya'll know when I do. Keep your fingers crossed. f-ing cancer, I swear!

If hell had another name

It would be called Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I'm not sure why but that place intimidates and entices me at the same time. It's too organized or something. Organization intimidates me a little. If you shared a room with my sister growing up, you'd understand, but I'll tell you guys about that another time. And have ya'll noticed that all the smells are enough to wake the comatose? Those sachet things with an aroma haze dizzying up the air always have names like,'Pomegranate Breeze,' and, 'Lavender Fields' . I love those things. Only I can't differentiate what exactly I'm smelling when I pick one up because all the smells have become one big perfume soup and I've been enveloped in it. I felt like a cartoon character trying to get away from a bee swarm and the only way to really escape is to jump in a lake. And there's just so much damn stuff in there. I do need stuff don't get me wrong. Our walls are bare. I need new rugs for my bathroom and kitchen. We both need new shower curtains. Our comforter needs replacing and I need some extra blankets for when my in laws visit next month. And dammit I want some serious black out curtains in my bedroom before the summer sun starts waking me up at 7am. But there's almost too many choices, I get all confused. I don't go to those places with MrPea because I feel sorry for him when I subject him to this kind of stuff. Why? Because when I go to these places I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to turn over, inspect, investigate every item in the store until I decide not to buy anything at all because the exact color, style, design I'm looking for does not exist.

I did buy a couple things including a tension rod I wanted to use to hang up a curtain to separate my closet from my bathroom. This is because my closet is in the bathroom so whenever I'm in front of the bathroom mirror, reflected behind me is my messy closet and I'm sick of looking at it. So rather than clean it up like any other non-lazy sane person, I'd rather just hang up a curtain there instead. However I managed to bend the tension rod in less than 5 minutes after I got in my car when I adjusted my seat to accommodate my, ahem, short legs. Great. I tried to fix it when I got home with some pliers and ended up squishing my finger which resulted in me re-breaking the tension rod with my foot on the balcony in a full fledged temper tantrum, Peanut joining in on the attack with teeth as his chosen weapon. There goes my $4.99.

All in all though, I feel good about my day. But I'm still not cleaning out that hole that is my closet. In fact I'm going back there tomorrow after my appointment for another tension rod cuz I'll be damned if I have to look at that mess in the mirror one more time.

Seems like it never ends

I heard from my doctor on Monday about my scan and she says the radiologist mentioned "activity" was seen around my liver that may or may not be a "technical issue" whatever the hell that means. So I'm scheduled for a CAT Scan tomorrow morning so they can figure out exactly what it is. She doesn't think it's anything since it never showed up before on my last body scan from January but my doctor is the damn queen of checking and rechecking. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. I'm definitely not happy. Frankly, I'm pissed off. I have to be selfish and irrational for a second to say, I feel like this is all unfair. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't use drugs, I eat healthy and I exercise everyday. I don't understand why my body is doing this to me. I sick of looking at those (medical)people's faces. I sick of being asked about my period and other personal bodily functions by complete strangers in front of my husband who's never even seen me pluck my eyebrows because that's just the way I am. I'm sick of needles, I'm sick of IVs, I'm sick of the white or pastel paint and ugly tacky artwork in every hospital waiting room, I'm tired of being on hold listening to really bad jazzy muzak trying to get appointments and confirmation numbers and insurance information. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm. Sick. Of. It. There I feel better.

I have to wake up early tomorrow and drink some really nasty tasting liquid before my appointment and then drink some more nasty tasting liquid when I get to my appointment and they're going to put an IV in my arm for the procedure. It's going to be so much fun......

Tuesday Confession:I ruined some baptism photos

I know it's not Tuesday yet but I haven't done this since forever ago. I was looking at some old pictures and I remembered....my wrath.
Click on the picture for full explanation cuz they're kind of blurry.


My sister's crying. Person responsible for making my sister cry is receiving wrathful thoughts and dirty looks from me. I blanked them out since I don't have permission from them even though I don't think they would care anyway, I'm just trying to be respectful.

Yeah, this wasn't one photo mean look. This lasted for the entire service. Check it out.


I will not confirm or deny allegations that I may or may not have been caught on film rolling my eyes while her ex-inlaws were taking, "Let's pretend there's nothing wrong cuz' we're at church, Lord forbid anyone find out the TRUTH at CHURCH of all places. Hypocrisy feels better," family photos.

I guess I'm just a blasphemous heathen. Pray for me....

Hibiscus Kool-Aid and a Cute Frog

Dear Spring,
Hurry up damnit I'm waiting. Sure, you gave me a few warm days the past couple weeks and we change times starting, oops right now. Still though, I had to wear ugly shoes on my anniversary because you're late this year and my feet are cold and swollen. I had to tie myself over with these pictures from last year.

See?! See what you can do? You can make pretty Strawberry Kool-Aid colored flowers and all these sweet little Kermit lookin' frogs crawl out from all over the place.

Come on Spring you can do it! Be the little engine that could. I believe in you hun. My flip flops are getting dusty and we can't have that in the month of March in Florida, it's just unheard of. Plus the shark teeth are alone out there, waiting for me after the rough seas you're sister, Winter graced us with. She's had her beautiful moments but it's your time to shine now don't you think? Don't just do it for little old me think of the shark teeth, the shark teeth! Ok I have noticed some new leaves and pollen is every where, cursing my sinuses, but frankly I expect more from you. I'm giving you a couple more weeks before I call your Sister Summer, who's way hotter than you by the way, and just ask her to skip over you all together, how'bout that, my friend, no threat! It's not like that's never happened before, ok? You know she steals all the glory just when you're beginning to settle in, are you gonna let that happen? I'm not going to beg.

Waiting Patiently,
Your Number One Fan Angel

Well it's my anniversary

And I feel like gloating. SO HA! Why do I feel like gloating? No reason. Or maybe because everyone I knew thought we were making a huge mistake since we'd only just met 4 months before. Today makes 11 years so I think it's safe enough to assume we did ok. So here's "us" in a nutshell since I don't talk too much about my MrPea.

We met at a restaurant where I worked as a hostess. It sounds so high school but I was too shy to ask him for his number since I don't do that and damn it he never hit on me so one of the nosy waitresses asked him for me. Our first date was (Hello!) at the beach. We also broke social rules and talked about both politics(gasp!) and religion(gasp gasp!). Shocking, isn't it? I went home and told my roommate I was going to marry him. I'll spare ya'll the corny details of our courtship so Blahblahblah, we got engaged 2 months later and decided to elope, which consisted of of us driving to the St.Augustine courthouse and getting married in the garden there. The most I remember about that day is the fact that we giggled the entire time and he screwed up the words, "I thee wed" because he said,"I be wed." I'm not sure why but we could not stop giggling. I'm still happy I never had a ceremony. Yeah, like I wanted to hang around a bunch of people who have negative feelings about me getting married on my own wedding day. Instead I have memories of he and I giggling surrounded by Spring flowers and the sound of birds.
Just a few random things:
-We drove from Florida to California in our first year together without ending up in an asylum. Well, he drove and I enjoyed the scenery. We had fun.
-He is under no obligation to buy me flowers or gifts on any Holiday. This is true and not a game/test on my part. I don't like gifts out of obligation. I like a gift from his heart. Even if it came from a gum ball machine. I don't believe in pouting and acting like a baby for a stupid Valentine's gift. I'd rather a husband who loves, cherishes and respects me year round than one who treats me like crap but buys me pretty things on the Holidays. I think the lack of pressure makes him feel more generous actually.
-I thought I was the pickiest eater on Earth, until I met him. That trophy belongs to him.
-We never went on a honeymoon. It never bothered me since we always lived in the tropics.
-Between the 2 of us, I'm the talker he's the quiet one. Shyness makes him come across as aloof or mysterious. But he talks to me.

Pretty exciting stuff huh?




*BTW Just a little update* I'm still not feeling great but I feel better. It's just taking longer than I thought to get to my normal self. I'm still exhausted all the time,achy and slow but I'm getting there. Maybe next week. Have a good weekend internets!

Necesity is the mother of invention

I feel like burning incense. Problem: I have incense but no incense holder. Solution: go to the store? $19.99 for a fancy pants one, my foot! What else could I do but poke a hole in one of my favorite shells and use this dish for friggin' free. Kiss my behind Pier One!

Monday rules!

My massage was today. I picked out the girly-est, foufou place I could find. It was the nicest thing I could have ever done for myself. I almost feel like I should find some new things to get stressed out about just so I can have an excuse to go back there. The masseuse got a nice tip because not only was she good, but she also told me I had pretty skin. Rule of thumb good masseuses out there: Appealing to one's vanity when one feels like the Bag-Haggis of the Year increases tip outlook, whether it's a fake compliment or not. So there was my Post-Traumatic-Radiation/11th Year Anniversary Gift. The actual date is on Friday the 7th but I took my gift now thank you very much.

Today is the 3rd day since I've been back on my med and I notice a small change. Still tired but I'm getting there.

Somethin' good to blog about durnnit

So far Peanut's doctor thinks he's ok. He got some shots and an antibiotic to start tomorrow. And I have to say, he was way more well behaved than any of the other dogs at the vet this morning. I did have a laugh over something I learned: It's just an observation but, you probably look pretty sickly if your own dog's doctor takes a look at you and asks,"Have you been unwell? Do you need to sit down and let the vet tech hold Peanut for you?" Especially since I don't go around telling everyone and their cousin(well besides on this blog) about my personal health issues. I just said,"Yes, thanks for asking," because I know he was just trying to be nice and I do really look puffy and pale. But that will be remedied, my friends. I have a therapeutic massage scheduled for Monday after lunch. Yay! I haven't had one in like, never. What about poor Peanut you ask? Well it's his butt that hurts not his back and I'm not going there...and anyway he gets back rubs and belly rubs on command, he doesn't need to make any appointments.

Oh, and I saw a lone bald eagle yesterday scouting around. He was small but beautiful and scary-looking in the good way. I always see them here in March usually just one or two. I've heard they come here in the Spring to nest but don't quote me on it. They are so protected that an entire development had to stop construction for the season when some people spotted some in the area one year. The developers bitched and tried failingly to appeal but I was happy about that actually(Oh I just love developers don't you, they care, they really do). I've been looking for him ever since but I think the osprey mates that live in a dead pine on the golf course may have chased him away, because I know for sure they hatched a chick recently. How do I know? Oh I have my ways, peeps. I have my ways. I did forget to mention that for 3 days before I went to the hospital for the radio-iodine, there were a pair of yellowish golden hawks I couldn't figure out hanging around the neighborhood too. I saw them every morning and they were bee-u-tiful. They, also must have moved on, because I don't see them anymore. It would be nice if I had some pictures for you guys wouldn't it? But I'm too lazy to drag my camera around with me so you'll just have to take my word and imagine I guess. Poor you peeps, ya'll missed out. I've been down with the birds of prey lately haven't I?

And oh no(!), I saw a small alligator swimming in the lake behind our building. I'll try to get a pic of her tomorrow, I know where she's been hanging out. I make it my business to figure these things out. Not by the pool like last year's monster, but thankfully on the golf course side. I just hope some idiot doesn't decide to take matters into his own hands and try to feed it or harm it , it's too little to really pose any threat right now and will likely move on to the bigger marsh nearby. I'm not aiming for me or Peanut to be her lunch but there are professionals to take care of those issues. It's that time of year again. I'm actually thanking the heavens because it means we're into Spring. Couldn't have come at a better time.

Me on the mend but not Peanut

I was allowed to get back on my med today. My scan went fast yesterday and the images were good enough for me to not have to come back today which is good because I was planning to revolt and just tell them to take what they have because there's no way in hell I would have been able to go without food again. I still feel like crap but hopefully I'll balance out in the next couple days. I've been trying to find a decent massage therapist just to help roll out the stress and soreness in my back and arms. I also moved my shoulder in such a way that pissed off my neck earlier today so hopefully I can find a place that can fit me in sometime soon. Spiritually I feel a little better because besides a tentative follow up and routine blood labs I don't need to deal with anything til next year, crossing my fingers. I'll probably hear from them about the scan next week but at this point, I don't really care if I hear from those people at all about it so long as they leave me alone for a while. I'm just happy the worst part is behind me.

But Peanut, poor Peanut is having butt problems again to put it mildly. He doesn't seem to be in any discomfort but something's just not right back there still. I was told he had some kind of strange benign cell growth a few months ago and he was taking some kind of exploratory medicine because I wanted to avoid him having to have another surgery since he's had, I think 3 in the past 2 years but........The last thing I could handle right now is if anything happens to my Peanut. He goes to the doctor tomorrow morning. I'm not going to panic. We'll do whatever needs to be done for him that we can afford so long as he's able to have a pain-free existence. He's such a trooper. I still remember the first thing I whispered to MrPea when I came to from my surgery last year was ,"You remembered to give Peanut his medicine right?" I was worried he would forget because Peanut was taking antibiotic for an infection and I'm usually the one who gives it to him. When I came home from the hospital after, I felt like he was avoiding me and I kept telling anyone who would listen,"I wish Peanut would love me again." It wasn't until a few days later that MrPea had to go to the store and leave me alone that I figured out Peanut hadn't been avoiding me at all. When I called him to sit by me he walked so slowly and tentatively with his head low that I realized it was because he knew I was somehow hurt and was just trying to be gentle. The rest of the time MrPea was gone he acted 'en garde' sitting at my feet with his eyes on the door and ears perked. I hate worse that he's having problems than I ever did about my having had cancer at all. But he's an old man now. Just yesterday it seems, it was Valentine's Day 1998 and we were driving him home over Lake Pontchartrain from the pig farm where he was born in Louisiana. Poor Peanut. I think he'll be ok, though he doesn't act like he's sick. I hope so.

It's not even March yet and already I feel like it's been a rough year.

The Day of Starvation

My body scan is at 4:30 this afternoon and I was told not to eat starting midnight, last night. This means my first real meal today will occur around 8:00PM tonight because the body scan takes 3 hours, hopefully by then I won't fall into a starvation induced coma since I only weigh 105 and happen to be one of the rare people who actually likes food. Well I can have Jello, which is a joke and chicken broth which might make me gag but I'll do my best. I'm also allowed to have any clear drinks including tea and coffee without milk. Since I quit coffee a couple weeks ago, luckily I won't go crazy and strangle anyone because of the no milk part and I don't put milk in my tea anyway.

So far so good with the not eating but then again it's barely 9:30AM. I do notice a low tolerance for pain and irritation but that's just because I feel a little stressed out and pissed off at everyone who's name is not Peanut. Ok maybe Mr Pea is not so bad either, I actually feel sorry for him having to watch his wife so unhappy and not feeling well while he can't do anything about it besides offer to buy me things because he feels sorry for me and can't think of anything else to do. He helped reconfigure my ipod so it's ready for my scan later and for that he's forever in my good graces.

But every once in a while, like when I hear the guy-downstairs-who-loves-his-motorcycle-and-thinks-he's-Don-Johnson
-circa-Miami-Vice-all-the -way-to-the-blond-highlights revving his motorcycle for 20/30 minutes at 6 AM OR when the substitute mail man who thinks the whole neighborhood wants to hear Rush Limbaugh radio at full friggin' blast instead of having a quiet lunch(and I live on the top floor so it really is that loud), I do get the slightest urge to grab someone by the shoulders and shake them until their eyeballs roll backwards like I saw on Looney Tunes as a kid. Yeah, that's how I feel sometimes. It's not so much the Rush Limbaugh that offends me, and oh he does. I remember my dad used to listen to him a little when I was growing up and it was so hateful and offensive to me then, that I'm pretty sure this contributed to why I am absolutely contrary to that pill popping loud mouth in my political leanings--I meant Rush not my dad when I said those hateful things, obviously.(But I bet you didn't know that Daddy?) But it's not Rush really that's been raking my nerves. What offends me is the utter lack of consideration for others, that one's life and needs are so much more important than other people's peace and quiet in a neighborhood full of senior retirees and parents with young children and at least one sick person who might not feel like listening to loud obnoxious motorcycles or loud obnoxious radios. Heartinsanfrancisco talked about a similar feeling recently when some rude person stole her umbrella. But then again, I'm grouchy and jealous of anyone who gets to eat today. How are you?

Because I have nothing to blog about

I have nothing interesting to say since my existence is comparable to an inside only cat. Well besides the time I spend outside walking, er ok not really walking but, wobbling around with Peanut. It's a lot of work but I feel ok while I'm out. Once I'm finally up the stairs and inside I'm totally out of energy for at least a couple hours though. It's so good to get outside for a few minutes, I would never give up my time out in the fresh cold air with Peanut.( even though I probably look like the town drunk)

Anyway, whatevs.(I picked up that word from a show my friend's daughter was watching and now my husband and I can't stop saying it to each other) Since I don't have anything wonderful to tell you guys about, tell me something. Something silly, anything. Amuse me dammit. :O)

Sorry no words sooner guys

I'm still not feeling well. Not from the radiation so much anymore just because they still won't let me back on my meds because of a body scan I have coming up on Thursday. This utterly pissed me off because I was told I could start taking my meds again 3 days after I left the hospital and then this new appointment was sprang upon me without even asking me. I don't like decisions being made in regards to my health without being informed of them. Doctor does not mean dictator and I absolutely did not like not being left out of the decision and I didn't like being told one thing a month ago and then something new all of a sudden. I'm sick of asking them when it's ok to go back on my meds so that I can feel normal again. It makes me feel like a junkie and a beggar and I don't appreciate being put in that position. I am absolutely livid over the fact that I was told I would only be off my regular meds for 2 weeks when here I am going on my 5th week feeling like all hell is inside my body and still no definite word about when I can start taking them again other than, "call us on the day after your scan and we'll probably call you back on Monday. Oh by the way, you're not supposed to eat anything day."( That means the first time I eat anything at all on Thursday will be around 9pm...yeah) I'm also angry over the fact that I specifically asked if I was going to have another body scan after the radiation and was told no because I had a feeling this was going to happen. I probably would not be this upset if not for the fact that I had to call 7-8 times over the course of 5 days with never a returned phone call from the person in charge of making appointments just to find out when my hospital stay was going to be but there's that to add to all the other frustration. The cherry on top of my irritation over the whole thing was back in January I agreed to have thyrogen injections before the first body scan because I made it clear that going off my meds was not something I felt comfortable doing in the first place. So that was a complete waste of time and money as well. I did communicate this with her office and, oh trust me, I will reiterate this on my next visit which I expect will happen sometime next week unless they want me to unleash my fury right there in the lobby. This is exactly what I mean when I stress to everyone how important it is for patients to be proactive in the care they receive. We are patients not sheep and I don't need to tell anyone that nobody gives a flying !@#$ so long as your insurance company approves the money needed and everyone gets paid. And I'll put this out there once more: I'm one of the HAVES when it comes to excellent insurance coverage. I already know that this is not always the case so if I can be treated this way so can anyone. Thyroid cancer is supposed to be the easiest cancer to treat and cure so I realize my impatience and anger is a relatively small issue in the larger scheme of things. And although I'm very thankful to have all that I have including a thorough doctor, I am beginning to get extremely irritated and question this need to check and recheck and recheck and re-treat. It's beginning to feel ridiculous and unnecessary. I know my own body, I do. I had 5 different doctors brush me off and say,"Oh you're fine," like I was some kind of whiny school girl and I KNEW that it was they who were wrong not me. So now I know that I am finished after this, finished, I don't care what the hell anyone says--it's time to move on and go back to the yearly routine not to have freak out sessions over unconfirmed issues. Because frankly I'm starting to believe that all this is doing more harm to my body than good. Especially since the tissues they were watching were not active and no biopsy was taken. If I begin to have other problems because of all this, there will be law suits and that's no threat.

I want to tell you guys, I'm not an assertive person. I'm usually a mouse. But the good that came from having cancer was that I no longer give a crap whether or not I'm perceived as nice when it comes to my health care. I don't expect to be treated like a baby or wined and dined and ass kissed, I don't. But I will be treated with respect and my decisions are not negotiations and my word is trump not anyone else's. It sucks that it took being sick to get to that but at least I got there.

I'll be blogvisiting ya'll soon. Thanks again guys for all your visits and words of encouragements. Take care :O) And thanks to Chani for your kind email and book suggestion, I'm only into the first 100 pages and I love it already.

Sweet Liberty

I'm home. I was able to get rid of most of the radiation in less than 24 hours. I was told this is rare. Yes! I'll be up and at em' tomorrow maybe. Thanks for checking in on me guys. Big hugs.

They forced me to put this on. It doesn't fit. My window blind was broken and i was able to fix it with a spring from a pen. I was feeling like such badass handyman for a minute :-) i snuck this old phone in with me that i'll throw away when i leave. I took the scary pill a couple hours ago. So far i'm not too nauseas just tired. I miss peanut and mrpea. Hopefully i'll get to go home tomorrow.

The door to my prison

I think i can post

I think i can post with my cell phone while i'm in the dern hospital.... If this works.

Almost over

I finally got an appointment for my radiation and hospital stay. It took about 6 phone calls since no one ever calls people back but I finally got someone to give me a definite day instead of a, "I think it'll be around....but I'll find out and call you back later today or tomorrow morning at the latest." I hate those people. I don't normally say things like that but right now I feel so awful I feel like I can say anything I want. I'll take it back when I get home and I'm feeling better. I already did all the prep stuff the other day, I had to get my blood drawn and a preg test. I go in on Tuesday at 11AM. They give me the scary blue radioactive pill at 1PM then I'm stuck in that prison, I mean room until I can pee and shower my way down to a safe enough level to go home. I'm going to try my best to get home the next evening. But I don't want to get my hopes up so I'll just say I expect to home by at least midday Thursday. After that I'm still 'quarantined' from the rest of society for 48 hours and then I can do whatever I want. I'm expecting not to feel too good anyway so I won't be sad about having to be at home. Since we all have to sleep apart, I'm setting up the guest room today and luckily Mr.Pea and I have separate bathrooms already. I feel like crap, I'm sore all over and tired as hell but I'm happy because I know it's over by the end of this week. AND I'm happy like I said I would be because this month has brought me closer to Spring and after checking the weather this morning, the temperature is already on the rise. The birds were going crazy this morning and there were little, bright lime green leaves forming on some of the bare trees. I also saw a pair of hawks nesting on one the tress nearby. Yes!




Oh just for the sake of telling someone, yesterday on the way from Peanut's doctor appointment, there was a strange man dressed in all black on the side walk of a busy road and he was, um, having fun with himself in front of all the world. Yeah. Do with that info whatever you want, I just wanted to let ya'll in on that. Kbye

Lamest blog on Earth?

I keep saying this: I know my posts have been few and sporadic but it's because I've been feeling sick. When I'm better, so will my posts and visiting will be more frequent. Should I just record it and make it a sound byte over here? It's true though.

This does not mean I want peeps to feel sorry for me because although, normally I enjoy the attention, but I don't want any pity, honest. Just some patience. Plus I don't feel as awful as one would think. Just tired and head&muscle achy. This is going to be over as soon as next week and then I'll be back to my annoying, smartassy, energy filled, shark tooth lovin', shoe buying, blog posting self.

Oh OH! I quit coffee again. I switched to decaf. This is because too much of my day is spent worrying about whether or not I'll have time for my caffeine fix. And I don't like the addict part of it all. But I do love coffee in the winter(pinch of sugar lots of cream) so the only way to keep it in my life until it gets hot outside again was to make the switch now. Another reason was that I was anticipating that the coffee in the hospital this coming week was going to be just as disgusting as it was last year so I thought it would be prudent to just wean myself off now and save myself the bratty temper tantrum I would be throwing to myself in that room all alone giving me another reason to get all depressed and wish I was at home. (good run on don't you think?) Which is what I'll be doing anyway but at least I won't be homesick for my own coffee. Coffee people, you guys understand what I'm talking about. There's no other coffee on Earth that tastes better than the pot you make for yourself everyday because it's just the way you like it. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Mittens. The cat I sometimes babysit

I'm sure I've posted a pic of him before but I took care of him last week and took some more pictures since he was in a cooperating mood. I saw him jump from a stool to body slam Peanut once or twice. He likes a ratty old pink bunny, crumpled paper, laser lights, staring contests, hidden fingers under the pillow, and-oh- I almost forgot, kneading.

I love him more than he loves me, as it is with all cats. I beg for his love but he prefers stalking and attacking me instead. Once in a while, he'll sit behind me on the couch with his tail around my neck and look at me with his eyes half closed which, I've been told, is cat language for,"I like you, let's be friends." So I'll just have to be happy with that.


Captions welcome in the comments.

Curse that oven!

Someone came over this morning to fix my oven. I've been putting off calling about getting it fixed just because I hate having to wait for them to come for the 6 hours time span they always give you and frankly I don't enjoy having people I've never met before with metal tools and blunt objects in my house because I'm pretty paranoid.(Psychoman is always on the loose, I'm telling you guys.)The problem was the top coil thingy inside the oven wasn't working. Or so I thought. Of course it suddenly started working after months of not working when the repairman turned it on. Feeling like a jackass, I said,"Well, it wasn't working before. It hasn't been working for a long time! The reason why I know this is because every time I want to bake something, the bottom is always burnt and the tops are raw, like when I make cookies. I can't even bake pies or cakes because of that coil." So he tried it again. Again it works. So I said sorry, thank you and he went on his way. I'm so vain about my cooking I actually wondered to my sister 5 minutes later on the phone if he just thought I was a crappy cook and was blaming it on the stove. But then she asked me why I cared whether or not he or anyone thought I was a shitty cook since I hate cooking anyway. She has a point. I do hate to cook.... still though. He didn't know that.

Walking In The Fog

3 weeks down without the Synthroid and one to go before my appointment with radiation. dammit. I made a conscience decision not to drive until I'm back on that thyroid hormone replacement and feeling normal again because I've started having a hard time concentrating, am feeling sluggish and uncoordinated. I'm not complaining, I promise but since I'm having an honest moment here the achy-ness and swollen joints are enough to drive a girl mad. And did I mention my face and eyes are so puffy, I look like the Michelin man? I have to admit there's a mild depression plus a teaspoon of anxiety there too. It's normal and completely hormonal, well actually, due to the lack of hormone now that I think about it. But however mild, it's put a dip in any creative energy/motivation. That's not who I am. As much as I'd love to be one of those dark, sensitive artistic types, I'm of the smiley variety so I'm waiting for that part of me to come back. Listening to some really depressing music lately probably hasn't helped much.

This morning though, when I opened the curtains and saw a thick scary fog coming in from the direction of the sea, I got really excited. I hurried up to get myself together enough so Peanut and I could be out there in it before the sun got rid of it and ruined our fun. Fog should be a scary thing for a (sunworshiping)girl like me who's afraid of her own damn shadow. But it's a good scary and the painter I am likes the tricks fog plays on the eyes. Plus I'm just contrary like that.

Angry French hip hop on my ipod again, Peanut and I had a small bounce in our walk. As I've said before I'm not a huge fan of angry music but there's something to be said about a song utterly dedicated to what a baddass one is when you badly need to be reminded that you're a badass too. Smiling at two giggling preteen girls on their way to school, I turned and took the lake trail and stood there in front of the black water for a long time waiting for Peanut to spit out the dead lizard I had pretended not to notice him pick up and carry around in his mouth a few steps back. There were dark, long necked water fowl swimming around close by and they were skittish. I heard a sound in the air, looked up, and out of the fog, the biggest osprey I've ever seen appeared overhead with a fish in her claws. She swooped down on those black waterbirds, not to prey on them but just cuz she felt like it, just to show them who's territory they are in. Dammit. They sort of fell quickly to the side and bobbed back up again like buoys when it was safe. I whispered to myself,"yeah," and realized I'd been holding my breath. I'm not a fan of bullies either but ospreys can never do wrong in my eyes. And that osprey reminded me like no other dirty hip hop song ever could about what a badass is. I'm small but I'm powerful too. Dammit.