Wednesday, March 26, 2008

"no news is good news" my liver!

My doctor's office called me today because I left a message this morning asking if my CAT scan results were in or not. She told me there was a bump on my liver but not to worry because it's probably something I was born with. Due to my history they want to keep an eye on it. So I will have another CAT scan in a few months and probably yearly follow ups just to make sure it's the same size. This is not good news but not bad news either, just news. Well it's sort of good news that they'll leave me alone for a few months because I need the break. Plus she told me not to worry because if Doc thought there was even a possibility of cancer on my liver, they wouldn't be waiting a few months, so I'm not going to worry. I guess.

Since it's on my liver, does that mean no more boozy, drunken, smoky sleazy bar fly nights? Damn I guess I'm going to have find a new hobby :O)

I don't remember the exact scientific word she used because I was in the car and I couldn't write it down. So I asked her to send me a copy of the report. I also asked for a letter stating my radiation information so that I could travel. I don't want to be taken to a secret interrogation room or sent to Guantanamo Bay just for trying to visit my sister.

I started feeling much better this week. I've been abnormally tired since I came home from the hospital and it was from anemia which I always have a problem with. MrPea calls me a weak link of nature. SO!? But I've been taking iron supplements in addition to my regular multi-vitamin and this week I finally feel the difference. So guess where I'm going tomorrow...

yes! I can't wait. All day I've been singing that song from, "Annie," Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow!

BTW since my post title is "no news is good news," I need to complain about that. I hate that. If anyone is going to charge me an arm and a leg for an invasive medical procedure the least they can do is call me even if it's just to say, "all's good!" What the hell?! To me it just means laziness.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Tuesday Confessions: Vanity Smurf or a Heathen

I found a gray hair on my head this week. Actually it was white. Yeah. Not a "bleached by the sun and peroxide" strand. It was a white hair growing from my head. Ok. I'm a little confused that it was a white hair not a gray one. I thought they were supposed to be gray first and then white. Did my hair decide to skip the gray and go straight into white? I'm not freaking out over this, I'm just wondering, is it happening now? And since I'm already on the topic, I have a small bald spot just above my ear from when my doctor removed a big ugly mole. I'm not very happy about it but it could be worse. I also found an age spot on my lower cheek. I pretend like it's just a freckle but it's not.

Ok those are just silly confessions. I have two more. 1. I ate meat on Good Friday and 2. I did not attend church on Friday or Easter. Ok in my defense, I had to eat meat because I am anemic again. But the church thing I don't really have any excuse, the truth is I just didn't want to go. oops.

Your turn guys.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Me and my Shadow(box)

Check it out ! I did stuff again...scientific stuff. Yessss! This isn't ALL of my shark teeth, I have thousands more. These are some of the bigger and nicely shaped ones. It was MrPea's idea, sort of. I haven't decided if I'm going to hang it up or keep it on the coffee table. I need to be able to geek out over them when the mood strikes so it has to be easily accessible.

I'm dying to get to the beach to look for some more. It's sunny and warm enough but the ocean wind is still so cold, I'm afraid I'll get sick so I'm waiting til next week maybe. I can't even describe how badly I need to get out there. Maybe that's how addicts feel. Oh but soon. Soon.

BTW If anyone thinks I got the Latin names wrong, let me know.

Oh and I forgot to mention that MrPea found a few himself(but I found all the big ones)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Random Tuesday Confessions about my CAT scan

-I have a big purple and green bruise on the inside of my arm where I had a HUGE IV needle from Friday's CAT scan. Technically it's two bruises close together to make one big butterfly shaped bruise because my vein, ahem, rejected the first needle poke and pushed it out. I didn't know my veins could do that. If only I had known this before, imagine all the other needles I could have rejected all those other times...damn. Oh well. Moving on, back to my confession: I show these bruises to anyone who bothers to look my way in an effort to get some pity because frankly I'm beginning to enjoy the attention from them. In fact I almost took a picture of my arm to post for extra blog-pity until I realized how pathetic and twisted that would seem . I'm just hoping no one mistakes them for heroine track marks. I don't look that sick.

-Speaking of my IV, the person in charge of the injection told me I would get a flush of heat and feel like I'd peed in my pants but not to worry. What?! Yeah. It happened. Not the peeing in the pants part. The freaking-out-because-I-thought-I-did-even-though-they-were-nice-enough-
to-explain-to-me -that-I-would-feel-like-I-did-but-not-to-panic-because-
happened. I yelled loud enough to disturb whoever was having their own CAT scan in the next room,"Am I peeing in my pants? Omigawd, please tell me I'm not!" And as they were correct, I did not pee in my pants, I only felt like I did for a minute or 2. That would have been the tipping point for me. If I had actually peed on myself, I think I just may have relinquished the minuscule remainder of sanity I had left and would perhaps be in an insane asylum at this very moment. But fate smiled upon me Friday and luckily I'm still here, my peeps. So just to reiterate the most important part of Friday: I was peepee free and therefore held on to my sanity.

-BTW anyone out there ever had one too? If you're nodding your head(s) my hat goes off to you, dear(s). The prep they give you to drink....I don't even have words for this drink. It's called Berry Smoothie flavor. Um. They got it wrong. They should have just been honest and called it Berry Repulsive Goo. There's also a banana flavored one I was lucky enough to not have formed an opinion about. But let me tell you, this drink is so disgusting, it's the color and texture of lotion and you have to drink a big #$%* bottle of it in 20 minutes. Yes. Ever get the urge to drink an entire bottle of lotion for breakfast? Me neither.

SO I guess the conclusion of my whole post for today is, I'm a pretty crappy patient. I freak out even when I'm told not to and my freak out sessions are loud enough to disturb others with probably more serious issues than mine. I'm definitely afraid of peeing in my pants. I hate needles yet enjoy the pity and attention I receive after the trauma of it all is over. And I complain about anything I'm given to eat or drink that has the word "prep' on it. You don't have to feel sorry for me if you don't want to.

I'm not sure when I'll hear from my doc about the scan, I'm guessing next week so I'll let ya'll know when I do. Keep your fingers crossed. f-ing cancer, I swear!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

If hell had another name

It would be called Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I'm not sure why but that place intimidates and entices me at the same time. It's too organized or something. Organization intimidates me a little. If you shared a room with my sister growing up, you'd understand, but I'll tell you guys about that another time. And have ya'll noticed that all the smells are enough to wake the comatose? Those sachet things with an aroma haze dizzying up the air always have names like,'Pomegranate Breeze,' and, 'Lavender Fields' . I love those things. Only I can't differentiate what exactly I'm smelling when I pick one up because all the smells have become one big perfume soup and I've been enveloped in it. I felt like a cartoon character trying to get away from a bee swarm and the only way to really escape is to jump in a lake. And there's just so much damn stuff in there. I do need stuff don't get me wrong. Our walls are bare. I need new rugs for my bathroom and kitchen. We both need new shower curtains. Our comforter needs replacing and I need some extra blankets for when my in laws visit next month. And dammit I want some serious black out curtains in my bedroom before the summer sun starts waking me up at 7am. But there's almost too many choices, I get all confused. I don't go to those places with MrPea because I feel sorry for him when I subject him to this kind of stuff. Why? Because when I go to these places I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to turn over, inspect, investigate every item in the store until I decide not to buy anything at all because the exact color, style, design I'm looking for does not exist.

I did buy a couple things including a tension rod I wanted to use to hang up a curtain to separate my closet from my bathroom. This is because my closet is in the bathroom so whenever I'm in front of the bathroom mirror, reflected behind me is my messy closet and I'm sick of looking at it. So rather than clean it up like any other non-lazy sane person, I'd rather just hang up a curtain there instead. However I managed to bend the tension rod in less than 5 minutes after I got in my car when I adjusted my seat to accommodate my, ahem, short legs. Great. I tried to fix it when I got home with some pliers and ended up squishing my finger which resulted in me re-breaking the tension rod with my foot on the balcony in a full fledged temper tantrum, Peanut joining in on the attack with teeth as his chosen weapon. There goes my $4.99.

All in all though, I feel good about my day. But I'm still not cleaning out that hole that is my closet. In fact I'm going back there tomorrow after my appointment for another tension rod cuz I'll be damned if I have to look at that mess in the mirror one more time.

Seems like it never ends

I heard from my doctor on Monday about my scan and she says the radiologist mentioned "activity" was seen around my liver that may or may not be a "technical issue" whatever the hell that means. So I'm scheduled for a CAT Scan tomorrow morning so they can figure out exactly what it is. She doesn't think it's anything since it never showed up before on my last body scan from January but my doctor is the damn queen of checking and rechecking. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. I'm definitely not happy. Frankly, I'm pissed off. I have to be selfish and irrational for a second to say, I feel like this is all unfair. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't use drugs, I eat healthy and I exercise everyday. I don't understand why my body is doing this to me. I sick of looking at those (medical)people's faces. I sick of being asked about my period and other personal bodily functions by complete strangers in front of my husband who's never even seen me pluck my eyebrows because that's just the way I am. I'm sick of needles, I'm sick of IVs, I'm sick of the white or pastel paint and ugly tacky artwork in every hospital waiting room, I'm tired of being on hold listening to really bad jazzy muzak trying to get appointments and confirmation numbers and insurance information. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm. Sick. Of. It. There I feel better.

I have to wake up early tomorrow and drink some really nasty tasting liquid before my appointment and then drink some more nasty tasting liquid when I get to my appointment and they're going to put an IV in my arm for the procedure. It's going to be so much fun......

Monday, March 10, 2008

Tuesday Confession:I ruined some baptism photos

I know it's not Tuesday yet but I haven't done this since forever ago. I was looking at some old pictures and I wrath.
Click on the picture for full explanation cuz they're kind of blurry.

My sister's crying. Person responsible for making my sister cry is receiving wrathful thoughts and dirty looks from me. I blanked them out since I don't have permission from them even though I don't think they would care anyway, I'm just trying to be respectful.

Yeah, this wasn't one photo mean look. This lasted for the entire service. Check it out.

I will not confirm or deny allegations that I may or may not have been caught on film rolling my eyes while her ex-inlaws were taking, "Let's pretend there's nothing wrong cuz' we're at church, Lord forbid anyone find out the TRUTH at CHURCH of all places. Hypocrisy feels better," family photos.

I guess I'm just a blasphemous heathen. Pray for me....

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Hibiscus Kool-Aid and a Cute Frog

Dear Spring,
Hurry up damnit I'm waiting. Sure, you gave me a few warm days the past couple weeks and we change times starting, oops right now. Still though, I had to wear ugly shoes on my anniversary because you're late this year and my feet are cold and swollen. I had to tie myself over with these pictures from last year.

See?! See what you can do? You can make pretty Strawberry Kool-Aid colored flowers and all these sweet little Kermit lookin' frogs crawl out from all over the place.

Come on Spring you can do it! Be the little engine that could. I believe in you hun. My flip flops are getting dusty and we can't have that in the month of March in Florida, it's just unheard of. Plus the shark teeth are alone out there, waiting for me after the rough seas you're sister, Winter graced us with. She's had her beautiful moments but it's your time to shine now don't you think? Don't just do it for little old me think of the shark teeth, the shark teeth! Ok I have noticed some new leaves and pollen is every where, cursing my sinuses, but frankly I expect more from you. I'm giving you a couple more weeks before I call your Sister Summer, who's way hotter than you by the way, and just ask her to skip over you all together, how'bout that, my friend, no threat! It's not like that's never happened before, ok? You know she steals all the glory just when you're beginning to settle in, are you gonna let that happen? I'm not going to beg.

Waiting Patiently,
Your Number One Fan Angel

Friday, March 07, 2008

Well it's my anniversary

And I feel like gloating. SO HA! Why do I feel like gloating? No reason. Or maybe because everyone I knew thought we were making a huge mistake since we'd only just met 4 months before. Today makes 11 years so I think it's safe enough to assume we did ok. So here's "us" in a nutshell since I don't talk too much about my MrPea.

We met at a restaurant where I worked as a hostess. It sounds so high school but I was too shy to ask him for his number since I don't do that and damn it he never hit on me so one of the nosy waitresses asked him for me. Our first date was (Hello!) at the beach. We also broke social rules and talked about both politics(gasp!) and religion(gasp gasp!). Shocking, isn't it? I went home and told my roommate I was going to marry him. I'll spare ya'll the corny details of our courtship so Blahblahblah, we got engaged 2 months later and decided to elope, which consisted of of us driving to the St.Augustine courthouse and getting married in the garden there. The most I remember about that day is the fact that we giggled the entire time and he screwed up the words, "I thee wed" because he said,"I be wed." I'm not sure why but we could not stop giggling. I'm still happy I never had a ceremony. Yeah, like I wanted to hang around a bunch of people who have negative feelings about me getting married on my own wedding day. Instead I have memories of he and I giggling surrounded by Spring flowers and the sound of birds.
Just a few random things:
-We drove from Florida to California in our first year together without ending up in an asylum. Well, he drove and I enjoyed the scenery. We had fun.
-He is under no obligation to buy me flowers or gifts on any Holiday. This is true and not a game/test on my part. I don't like gifts out of obligation. I like a gift from his heart. Even if it came from a gum ball machine. I don't believe in pouting and acting like a baby for a stupid Valentine's gift. I'd rather a husband who loves, cherishes and respects me year round than one who treats me like crap but buys me pretty things on the Holidays. I think the lack of pressure makes him feel more generous actually.
-I thought I was the pickiest eater on Earth, until I met him. That trophy belongs to him.
-We never went on a honeymoon. It never bothered me since we always lived in the tropics.
-Between the 2 of us, I'm the talker he's the quiet one. Shyness makes him come across as aloof or mysterious. But he talks to me.

Pretty exciting stuff huh?

*BTW Just a little update* I'm still not feeling great but I feel better. It's just taking longer than I thought to get to my normal self. I'm still exhausted all the time,achy and slow but I'm getting there. Maybe next week. Have a good weekend internets!

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Necesity is the mother of invention

I feel like burning incense. Problem: I have incense but no incense holder. Solution: go to the store? $19.99 for a fancy pants one, my foot! What else could I do but poke a hole in one of my favorite shells and use this dish for friggin' free. Kiss my behind Pier One!

Monday, March 03, 2008

Monday rules!

My massage was today. I picked out the girly-est, foufou place I could find. It was the nicest thing I could have ever done for myself. I almost feel like I should find some new things to get stressed out about just so I can have an excuse to go back there. The masseuse got a nice tip because not only was she good, but she also told me I had pretty skin. Rule of thumb good masseuses out there: Appealing to one's vanity when one feels like the Bag-Haggis of the Year increases tip outlook, whether it's a fake compliment or not. So there was my Post-Traumatic-Radiation/11th Year Anniversary Gift. The actual date is on Friday the 7th but I took my gift now thank you very much.

Today is the 3rd day since I've been back on my med and I notice a small change. Still tired but I'm getting there.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Somethin' good to blog about durnnit

So far Peanut's doctor thinks he's ok. He got some shots and an antibiotic to start tomorrow. And I have to say, he was way more well behaved than any of the other dogs at the vet this morning. I did have a laugh over something I learned: It's just an observation but, you probably look pretty sickly if your own dog's doctor takes a look at you and asks,"Have you been unwell? Do you need to sit down and let the vet tech hold Peanut for you?" Especially since I don't go around telling everyone and their cousin(well besides on this blog) about my personal health issues. I just said,"Yes, thanks for asking," because I know he was just trying to be nice and I do really look puffy and pale. But that will be remedied, my friends. I have a therapeutic massage scheduled for Monday after lunch. Yay! I haven't had one in like, never. What about poor Peanut you ask? Well it's his butt that hurts not his back and I'm not going there...and anyway he gets back rubs and belly rubs on command, he doesn't need to make any appointments.

Oh, and I saw a lone bald eagle yesterday scouting around. He was small but beautiful and scary-looking in the good way. I always see them here in March usually just one or two. I've heard they come here in the Spring to nest but don't quote me on it. They are so protected that an entire development had to stop construction for the season when some people spotted some in the area one year. The developers bitched and tried failingly to appeal but I was happy about that actually(Oh I just love developers don't you, they care, they really do). I've been looking for him ever since but I think the osprey mates that live in a dead pine on the golf course may have chased him away, because I know for sure they hatched a chick recently. How do I know? Oh I have my ways, peeps. I have my ways. I did forget to mention that for 3 days before I went to the hospital for the radio-iodine, there were a pair of yellowish golden hawks I couldn't figure out hanging around the neighborhood too. I saw them every morning and they were bee-u-tiful. They, also must have moved on, because I don't see them anymore. It would be nice if I had some pictures for you guys wouldn't it? But I'm too lazy to drag my camera around with me so you'll just have to take my word and imagine I guess. Poor you peeps, ya'll missed out. I've been down with the birds of prey lately haven't I?

And oh no(!), I saw a small alligator swimming in the lake behind our building. I'll try to get a pic of her tomorrow, I know where she's been hanging out. I make it my business to figure these things out. Not by the pool like last year's monster, but thankfully on the golf course side. I just hope some idiot doesn't decide to take matters into his own hands and try to feed it or harm it , it's too little to really pose any threat right now and will likely move on to the bigger marsh nearby. I'm not aiming for me or Peanut to be her lunch but there are professionals to take care of those issues. It's that time of year again. I'm actually thanking the heavens because it means we're into Spring. Couldn't have come at a better time.