Monday, April 30, 2007

True or False

My dad once asked me(as all parents at one point ask their kids) if everyone jumped off a bridge would I do it too. Of course the answer was no, but since "everyone else does it" ,I'll do a true or false over here. Guess which ones are true and you win the right to be a smug smartass know-it-all for the rest of your life.

1. I once dated a pro-athlete. I saw on the news three months after we stopped seeing each other that his wife had filed for divorce. It is the shame of my life that I dated someone who I knew was married.

2. When I was in high school, I met the president and got in trouble for trying to pinch him on the bum. It was fun and totally worth it. I think he secretly enjoyed it and if you knew which one I was talking about(do the math I'm 30), you would think so too.

3. I accidentally exposed my 80something year old mother-in-law to internet porn. I thought it was a website about the village in France where her family was from. Her reaction was,"Oh thanks, Angel, it was really pretty," before I figured out the mistake.

4. I've been to the Bahamas more times than I can count. I have some friends who live there, so I can pretty much go whenever I want to. My husband and I are planning to live there when he retires(in 15-20 years). We dream about it together at least 50 times a week.

5. I once got caught shoplifting. I was 13 and I stole makeup at Kmart. My parents threatened to send me to live with my grandparents if I did it again. To this day I don't even shop at Kmart because I'm still embarrassed.

6. I lived in New Orleans during Mardi Gras and never went. I was too lazy and frankly not interested in seeing people make complete fools of themselves. I sort of regret it now. I would've enjoyed making a fool of myself in the French Quarter.

7. I kept a toad as a pet when I was 8. I named him Baby. He wasn't allowed in the house so he lived in a bucket on my patio. He escaped and I cried for 2 days. Looking back, I'm happy for him now.

8. The Bachelor is my favorite reality show. I consider myself a feminist, but dammit I can't help it. I like to laugh at people being pathetic and desperate no matter what sex they are, no apologies!

* I did them half&half- 4 are true and 4 false for those of us who mathematically challenged. One of these is a trick true or false. Any questions?

Saturday, April 28, 2007


This is probably a man's worst nightmare. At the same time, there are probably a few out there who are thinking it's a dream come true. Who wants to book their ticket today?

I don't understand a word of Japanese

But I have a weakness for chub, lazy, dogs who don't listen.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Conversation at dinner

(We've been having a lot of conversations about my career. I should note that I want to go back to college when all my health issues are taken care of and paid for. All my life I wanted to be a teacher but the way the education system is going, I'm a little discouraged. I'm trying to think of what else I'd like to do. My husband is very supportive, but he knows me better than I like to admit.)

I can't wait to go back to school.

Him: What are you going to study?

Me: I don't know anymore. I still kind of want to be a teacher, but I'm not sure.

Him: Do you have anything else in mind?

Me: Well, after watching Planet Earth the other night I was thinking of maybe majoring in Marine Biology. I love dolphins and I like microscopes and stuff....

Cue him laughing.

Me:(angry) That wasn't a joke! I do like dolphins, I love whales too, and starfish and all that stuff-you know I love animals. I love the sea-I was born on a tropical island, remember?? I don't see anything funny about that! I loved Blue Planet, I loved that show, that's my favorite damn show!

Him: ok!!! Of course, you'd be the best ever, honest.

Me: Well why were you laughing at me then?

Him: Don't get mad.

Me: I won't unless you tell me you don't think I'm smart enough.

Him: Of course you're smart enough, you would be great. You could do whatever you want.

Me: Well?!!

Him: You hated chemistry and math. You told me.

Me: No, I said had a shitty teacher for chemistry so I didn't learn much but I liked it! I grew the best damn crystals in my class! I did hate math. Still though, I could learn those formulas and stuff. AND I liked science. I kicked everyone's ass when we did genetics. My f-ing fruit flies were a huge success. For about five damn seconds my biology professor thought I discovered a new kind of amoeba dammit! Everyone wanted to be my lab partner. You didn't know me then, so how the hell would you know?

Him: Ok ok! I know you now and of course you could. I'm not saying you can't. You really could. I wish you would then really, I'm so proud of you. You'd be great.

Me: Well?!

Him: You hate fish. You hate boats. You hate water. You hate seaweed. You hate germs. You're scared of sharks. You hate scuba.

Long Pause-not angry anymore
Me:Oh. Maybe Botany then.

He's right. I have zero desire to scuba and I'm so afraid of sharks I swim in the ocean for about 2 minutes before I start freaking out and jump out. I don't really mind boats but hello?! Titanic. I don't hate fish I love them all. I just don't like to eat them. If not for all that other stuff, I would totally make a great Marine Biologist dammit.

Thanks Neighbor, I only wanted 3 hours of sleep anyway's fun.

I have decided to blame anything that goes wrong today on the jerks in my building who decided to blast crappy,redneck music with some loud friends at full volume until 3AM last night. I'm not sure who it was because I didn't want to disturb Mr.Pea by walking around looking out the window. I'm pretty sure it's either LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe -OR- GuyDownStairsWhoThinksHe'sDonJohnsonCircaMiamiVice. I'm leaning towards LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe but it could be MrMiamiVice because he has no problem making loud noises with his obnoxious motorcycle at any hour of the day. So again, I have decided to blame anything that goes wrong and how shitty I feel today on whoever it was.

At least Peanut was a good boy at his doctor appointment today. Do you think it's a coincidince that my dog and I started having health problems at the same time?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Tuesday Confession

If you haven't read my last post, go ahead and skip it. I was looking at this morning and it's just too damn long. Anyway,it's that time again.

I once stole a puppy. I mean I snuck into some one's back yard and stole their puppy. In my defense, he was living in some really bad conditions. I was about 15 and my friend and I drove by that house everyday on our way to and from school.(she was one of those lucky ones whose parents gave her an old car the day she turned 16) Sometimes I would ask her to drive by that house even if we weren't headed in that direction just so I could see that puppy and make sure he was ok. It was the month of May and really hot and he never had any clean water or a decent shelter to keep out of the sun. I never saw anyone playing with him or making kissy-faces at him like I would have dammit. In fact no one was ever home and I once made my friend drive by there 5 different times just to see if anyone was going to take care of this poor puppy-nothing. He was always laying in the dirt. He was skinny too-have you ever heard of a skinny puppy? It shouldn't be possible. So after about 3 weeks I couldn't take it anymore. That puppy was mine. I had my friend drive really close and pretend to check out her front tires-this was an unnecessary diversion but I've seen those thief movies and they always have to create a diversion. I opened the back gate and whispered,"Puppy, comeer," because I didn't know his name. He ran to me, I scooped him up, ran into the car and we drove away. I named him Cookie, then later changed it to Sunny Boo Bear. He answered to any variation of those names.

Sometimes I feel bad that I might have misjudged the situation and stole some poor kid's beloved puppy. But I'll think about how thirsty he was when I got him home and how fast all the booboos on his feet healed and I don't feel that bad.

So there it is. I got my confess-on and now I feel free.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Laziness & I guess I should say something about Earth Day(which was yesterday but better late than never right)

A couple things make me LIVID! I might have a point in here somewhere. Let me know if I do or not. Basically these are just random thoughts that may or may not have something to do with the environment but mostly it's about laziness. A characteristic that I'm both fond of(because I am)and loathe. This isn't a rant or bitch-fest, this isn't even a political statement, just a few things I witnessed yesterday, then found out it was Earth Day. I used to be really passionate about these issues back before they were issues. 13 years ago I once hid in some bushes like a little elf so I could take pictures of a sick dolphin that was being neglected by its owners, a nasty resteraunt, that used the dolphin to attract customers but that's a story for another day.

* I should note that I used to smoke so I understand the whole, it's an addiction thing, before anyone gets mad at me. But! WHY WHY WHY is it so hard to walk an extra couple of steps to put the cigarette in the ashtray instead of stepping on it then leaving it there? And since I'm on the subject WHY WHY WHY is it absolutely necessary to flick cigarettes out the window while driving? Cars contain OIL and GASOLINE, very flamable, any 4th grader knows that. Not to mention Smokey The Bear always told us to remember our friends in the forest and only WE can prevent forest fires-hello!!?

*The same can be asked about people who enjoy a day at the beach then leave all of their trash when they leave.There's only a trash can located at every entrance, is it that hard to carry beer cans and chip bags a few feet? They're now empty so it should be a lighter load than at arrival! And no one noticed the HUGE SIGNS saying not to leave any plastic bags because the ENDANGERED sea turtles will eat them thinking they are jellyfish then suffocate???

*My husband and I ate lunch at my favorite Caribean resteraunt. I saw people changing a diaper on the table next to us. It didn't really bother me because I wasn't eating with them but, gross. Later, I saw the same people drop the dirty diaper in the parking lot and leave it there. Nasty people, I swear. I thought about taking a picture so I could blog about it but then realised I was actually thinking about taking a picture of a dirty diaper.

This was today but it still sort of applies.
*I timed myself to see how long it would take to walk to the grocery store. (I wanted to make my mother-in-law's famous spaghetti sauce and I just needed one more thing) I did this because on my way down the stairs, I ran into one of my neighbors and we chatted for a minute. When I told her I was walking to the store, she and her friend looked at me like I was crazy and asked me if I wouldn't rather ride with them later on. Why walk, she asked, I can drive you, I need to get some milk anyway. I said because it's sunny and breezy. No response. I said, I do it all the time, the store's just right there. She sort of gave her friend a look which I am too lazy and don't care enough about it to interpret. Is it actually really that crazy to (gasp!) walk somewhere? I checked the time and it was 2:46. I walked into the store entrance at 2:49. I thought to myself in an imaginary 2nd conversation with my neighbor,"you mean to tell me that you are too lazy to walk for a total of 6 minutes to the store and back for a friggin pint of milk?"

This is just my opinion but-
There's good laziness and then there's bad laziness. On the weekends I like to lay on the beach. I can lay there for hours. I listen to music and drink apple juice, I'll even feed a bird or 3-this is good lazy. Once, a boyfriend I had actually wanted to get into his car and drive to the end of the mall because he was looking for a certain store, instead of just walking-this is bad lazy. I just laughed at him and said let's walk, so we walked. This was a little test. No boyfriend of mine is going to stay my boyfriend if he's that lazy. To me, that's the difference.

BTW-that boyfriend is now my husband. I still tease him about that. And just in case you got worried, the dolphin was taken away from them and relocated-I don't remember if he ended up at Sea World or a seaquarium nearby.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Virtuoso Feline

This video makes Peanut a little jealous. He knows how to do stuff too dammit! Enjoy this kitty's composition.

Friday, April 20, 2007

My shoes

There are two words that can put me into frenzy mode. Shoe sale.

This isn't a unique story. I'm almost loathe to talk about this to you, fellow bloggers, because you guys write about so many thought provoking and important subjects. I'm not the only woman in the world who loves her shoes, anyway. It's absolutely impossible for me to go shopping with a friend or sister and come home empty handed if any store I visit is selling shoes. Shoes are like crack to me. I have high heels, low heels, sandals, peep toes, wedges, all that good stuff. For every pair I own, I can tell you exactly how much, where, when, and what I was wearing when I purchased them-this is very silly but dammit don't I deserve a little joy? I always cringe a little when I hear someone say they have something cute and never wore, what a waste! I can find any excuse to put on a cute pair of shoes. Caught the flu? Wear those kitten heels to check the mail, you feel like utter crap, but the feet look cute. Feel depressed? Don't pop a Prozac, paint your toe nails blue and put on those peep toes. Gained some weight? Put on those black strappy platforms, black is slimming and anyway no matter what that hell forsaken number on the scale is, shoes always fit! The dog is sick? Drive him to his vet in your cutest nude wedge sandals--they contain the secret to healing. Got another f-ing doctor appointment? Wear these coffee colored wedges because, although the scary biopsy will hurt like hell, the design on the heel will look really sweet under that horrible lighting! I even specifically wore my pink heels the day I knew they were going to tell me I had thyroid cancer because, dammit I'll not be told I have the scary c-word disease in my ratty old brown flip flops! Hey, it's not the remedy for everyone, but it works for me. I have a couple pairs of shoes that could sell on Ebay for enough to feed a a family of ten boys for a few months. This is strange because I have a huge disdain for ridiculously expensive logo-handbags and the like(this is a topic I could bitch about for years). Would you be surprised to know that my favorite shoes are actually old daisy flip-flops I bought in the kids' section at Walmart for $4.99 a few years ago? I walked all over sexy South Beach Miami, survived two nasty hurricane seasons, visited two theme parks, walk Peanut everyday in those flip flops. My second favorite pair I bought in San Jose, California and my heart broke last month because the strap is broken again. I can't repair them because they've been repaired so many times and are just so old( I bought them during the dot-com boom, they're that old). But I refuse to throw them away because I like being able to say that I broke them dancing with my husband.

My shoe collection is outnumbered by my mother's. This is all her fault because this all started when I played dress up in her closet. I learned how to walk in high heels by 3rd grade. She says we're not, but I've asked her if we might be related to Imelda Marcos......

Yesterday I added two more pairs to my stash. Both wedges. I can stop any time I want, I don't have a problem! It was just this one more time and I don't feel guilty about a thing. But they were both less than $25.oo marked down from $70.00 and have you any idea how hard it is to find my size???? It would have been a sin to leave them behind, ownerless. I'm doing a public service, really.

Would it make you feel less dismissive of me if I told you I used to be an environmental/animal rescue activist and fundraiser? No? How about if I told you I donated an obscene amount to animal shelters and nature preserves in the past 12 years? I once saved a baby blue jay and woodpecker.....I'm more than just my shoe habit! I read, I paint, I create beautiful pottery dammit. I care about world events! Or should I just stamp "silly girlie shoe maniac, not to be taken seriously" on my forehead and get it over with? ok fine

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Oh the heartbreak

Today I drove down what used to be my favorite country road. It's now a six lane highway. No more twisty branch oak canopy. No more sunlight filtering through the Spanish moss. No tall palmettos and Georgia pine full of squirrels jumping from branch to branch. No more slowing down for people on horseback. Gone are the little fat, short-eared, shy swamp bunnies(I've heard people call them Marsh rabbits but I like my name for them better) nibbling on wild flowers by the side of the winding road.......

Roll out the welcome mats for another f-ing golf course, Florida only has a thousand of them, dammit we need one more! Burn and bulldoze down the trees and bury the gopher tortoises alive because I'm just too damn lazy to drive an extra 10 minutes to Walmart so we need a new one nearby. Drain out the marsh and fill it up with development because I sure am sick of shopping at the ten million malls we already have. By all means why don't we just build another damn Disney World while we're at it because I sure love pretend nature. No wonder that alligator keeps coming back, he has no where else to live.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Tuesday Confession

I'm am scared to death of the dark. And clowns. And ghosts. And psychopaths. And serial-killers/rapists. And kidnappers. Spiders too. Sharks. Alligators of course. Not a big fan of centipedes. Or snakes. Tsumanis scare me too. The list never ends. But right now I'm just going to talk about my fear of the dark.

We lost power Sunday night due to some really strong wind. I have to admit that I forgot where I put our flashlights so for about 5 seconds, I had a mini-panic attack. The truth is, because we lived in South Florida a couple years ago for those two really bad hurricane seasons, we are the sort of people you want to be staying with during a time like that because we have so much experience and all the equipment. So I really have no reason to freak out, but I've been afraid of the dark since I was 4....I'm sure a psycho analyst could have all kinds of fun with me and all the things that I'm paranoid about but fear of the dark is not one I'll ever get over. I always envy people who can just turn off all the lights and fall asleep. I have to at least have the blinds a little open to let in the street light so I can see down the hall and make sure the clown from that movie Poltergeist isn't running down my hallway with a knife. (I'm so afraid of clowns, I once screamed,"get the f- away from me," in front of everyone's children at the mall because of one who was just trying to give me a free balloon but like I said that's for another day.) It's so irrational but I can't help it. Come to think of it, it's probably because of all the horror films I used to watch.

After my 5 second mini-panic attack, Peanut started huffing, looking for whoever was trying to kill me. That sort of snapped me out of it. I saw my cell phone light and crawled towards it and used it to light my way into the kitchen. I found matches and our emergency candles so I could help my husband who, at this point, was now walking in circles freaking out because his wife was in hysterics, find the flashlights and mini tv. So that's my confession. It's not really a confession because anyone who knows me is already aware of this.

We were out of power for a little over an hour. My husband hasn't finished making fun of me about Sunday night.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Shopping with a man

I've often heard women complain that their husbands hate to shop with them and vice versa. I don't blame men. They shop like there's a competition going on, get in- grab it- get the hell out and go get some nachos and a beer. We like to take our time, touch, try on, check out everything. What if the very thing we've been dreaming of buying is right there in that store and we miss it? The sun could melt, the Earth could explode!

I am not the most patient person in the world and I'm spoiled(not in a bad way, I'm not a brat. I'm just very lucky, I always have been). My husband, for whatever reason, has decided to take up golfing. This means he needs the good stuff. Besides mini-golf as a teen, I've never golfed in my life and have zero desire to start now. But I'm always happy when he finds something new to do because his very existence on this planet is to surf and Florida doesn't provide year round big waves like California or Hawaii. So he gets really hyper when he hasn't been surfing for a while and drives me crazy. Golf will be something extra for him to do. I had no idea that there were a thousand different kinds of golf clubs to choose from and don't even get me started on the prices-let's just say, I'd rather buy some really nice shoes but this is for him. We were in the sport's equipment store(or whatever the hell those places are called) for about 20 minutes looking at golf clubs when I started to get impatient. The way I feel in those places can only be described by bringing up the image of the little kid in the long line at the bank with his mommy screaming to leave, the promise of a lollipop isn't even good enough....

Like any doting wife or girl friend, if asked, I can come up with a gazillion reasons why I love my husband. Today I discovered one more. Strange that I would do so in the golf equipment section but that's ok. I thought about the countless times I made him wait for me to try on every single article of clothing in every single store. When I come out of the dressing room, he's always there with a patient smile on his face, full of compliments, glad that I've found something I like. He doesn't complain that I've taken forever and that I have fifty of the same kind of whatever I just tried on hanging in my closet(both statements would be true). He's simply happy that we're out together on a beautiful day and that I'm having fun. And then he'll ask if I'm ready to head out and get some nachos.

So instead of rolling my eyes at how long he was taking or pointing out how ridiculously expensive his new hobby is going to be, I, too smiled patiently and was happy that we were out together on a beautiful day and that he was having fun. And waited for him to say he was ready to get out of there and get some nachos.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

I've been busy

Just look at how blue that sky is and take a wild guess what I've been busy doing and why I haven't been blog visiting....

So far it looks like my husband survived this round of lay-offs. So we feel ok for now. I'll feel more secure in a couple months when it's all finished though.

I'm still trying to get rid of the remnants of that nasty flu we had but I feel so much better. If only it would rain and wash all the pollen away though....

Remember this guy?

The neighborhood groundskeeper told me that he's been safely relocated. I saw another one this morning. I only saw his head in the water and it was about the size of a beer bottle. Great.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Someone requires an apology

I've been sick, stressed out, super-negative and not my usual playful self lately. Some one is clearly mad at me. Nothing a couple pieces of bacon and squeaky ball can't fix.

If only we could all be as forgiving as our pets....

I'll feel better tomorrow. Actually, I feel better already.

OOH by the way Chani, I have to say after reading the discussion on Atavist's comments, my admiration for you is boundless- I was actually clapping at my desk here. Thanks for the invite, and I'll be checking out his blog again-it's a good one.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

F-ing corporate pigs

The company my husband works for is about to make massive job cuts. I bought a lottery ticket tonight. I have a better chance of winning the lottery than he does in finding a job that won't get outsourced. The way things are going, the only jobs that are going to be left for Americans will be at Walmart. Then again I'm sure they'll find a way to outsource those jobs too....sighh.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Tuesday Confession

It's that time again. I've been too sick lately to do anything wrong but hmmm...let's see...oh!

I was mean to my husband yesterday. I cracked a whole bunch of really cruel jokes about his poor eyesight. I called him a decrepit and old, blind man who would probably start going bald next. This was an extra dagger since he's vain about his hair and scared to death of going bald. I had fun. He was trying to read a medicine label and the letters were too small so he asked me to read it for him. Instead I also asked him if I needed to go back to the store for some Depends. The meanest thing about it is that the medicine label he was trying to read was for the flu that I gave him.

He ignored me anyway so there's really nothing to feel guilty about. Plus I felt sorry for him catching the flu from me so this morning I made french toast for breakfast with homemade syrup. I'm sure I've said some meaner things but for now that's all I can think of.

He hates having his picture taken, they all look like he's hiding from the paprazzi or something.

Now it's your turn, if you dare. Who were you mean to lately?

Monday, April 09, 2007

Here's my story and I'm stickin' to it

Daddy, either close your eyes or just picture someone else. Or just skip this post all together. So long as you know this was a total accident.

This isn't that wonderfull so I hope ya'll aren't too excited but it might give you a tiny laugh. This is the kind of embarassing stuff that ALWAYS happens to me.

Last year I rode my bike to library as I do at least once a week. It was noon and in the middle of July so it was about 90+ degrees outside. I had my bathing suit on under my clothes because I was planning to ride over to the beach right after. I want to say first off that I did not notice any sign saying there were prison workers anywhere, probably because I wasn't paying attention. I was in the middle of locking up my bike when I noticed that the library had begun to build a really beautiful deck overlooking the lake so I remember being really happy about that. Then somehow I hit my chest really hard on the handle bars and any woman knows how much getting hit in that soft area hurts, only comparable to a man getting kicked in know. It was that bad ok. So there I am rubbing with both hands where I hit myself and looking in my shirt to see if it was red enough to show a bruise later on. Then I realized I wasn't by myself and I looked up and saw 5 or 6 men in those BLACK and WHITE STRIPED JUMPSUITS(I thought they only wore those in cartoons!!) holding woodblocks and building supplies, watching me with their mouths open. In my mind, I pictured how I must look to these people: a girl in short shorts and a tank top with both hands in her bikini bra ooohing and ahing in pain. I. Wanted. To. Die. Right. There. I quickly muttered sorry and ran off to the library entrance. I'm not even sure who I was saying sorry to, probably my dead grandparents who had to be rolling in their graves to know that their own little EarthAngel just(accidently, I swear) groped herself in front of some prisoners. Great.

I could hear them whooping while I was running off, but what could I do, complain to the cops that I was being sexually harrassed? They were already in jail for pete's sake(first time I've ever used that expression but it seems fitting). Oh the mortification.

I'm probably going to erase this post in a couple days because the last thing I need is someone to arrive at this site from some filthy google search! Hahaha!

Have fun making fun of me. It won't hurt my feelings.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Speaking of jail

I walked to the library again last week. Instead of getting hassled by the cops I was greeted with this sign. There's a funny story in there, but my dad lurks here so I can't tell it. Ok I'll tell the next post.(Insert Evil laughter)

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Caught Red-Handed!

Exhibit A

An 11 month old awaits trial for a serious crime. He's being charged with domestic-bathroom assault and toilet paper abuse. Witnesses described him as a little, chubby cheeked, brown hair and blue eyed mini-me, wearing blue pants, white socks and a light blue shirt. The head of the household apparently caught the perpetrator in the act and immediately put him under arrest. He is currently behind crib bars and the judge has posted bail at 3 bottles of apple juice. He could receive up to 3 days of no pudding in lieu of incarceration. Officers should be warned that sight of suspect causes overwhelming urge to participate in cheek pinching.

What is the world coming to???

Happy Little Trees

Still sick. I feel like crap. I thought I was just tired and my thyroid hormone was too low again but now I know I have the flu. Sucks. But on the bright side, I don't have to work and I don't have any babies to look after so I can just be sick without having to still 'do' like my poor sister 'does' when she gets sick. So I've been laying on the couch with Peanut watching old episodes of 'The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross' only getting up to refill my glass of Gatorade.(citrus cooler of course) I would like nothing more than to be on that show just so I can paint a masterpiece then pull a rescued baby squirrel out of my pocket to introduce to my viewers like he did once. I'd rather have the flu than thyroid problems again that's for sure. I had to get my blood work done for my endocrinologist(say that really fast 10 times) the other day and the guy was so rough with my arm, I have a bruise there. I'm such a camper when it comes to getting my blood drawn too, I hate it but it's not like I have a choice. Of course I've never met anyone who says they enjoy needles. I won't know if I need radiation again for another couple weeks. At least now I know what to expect so it's not so scary. Last time I was expecting some kind of Sci-Fi looking contraption but it was in the form of a large blue pill . Then I got naseaus after, my glands under my ears swelled up, and I had to drink a lot of water and go home the next day. So I'm not scared. I thought I had this f-ing cancer thing beat already dammit! Well I sort of do, it's just taking a little bit longer than I thought. This isn't deadly, it's just a life nuisance. Wanna hear the funniest part? The main reason I don't want to have radiation again is because the hospital where I had to stay in to have it done has the nastiest food I've ever been served in my life! The food where I had my surgery was really good and fresh and the food they gave me at the other place was so nasty, I get the heaves just thinking about it.

Don't feel sorry for me for longer than 2 seconds. I have excellent health insurance so I'm lucky. Plus I have my voice back. Took forever, doesn't sound exactly like I used to, and it gets weak by the end of the day if I've been talking and laughing a lot-which is just about everyday. But I'm happy to have it and I can sing in the shower again. And in the car.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

I didn't fall off the face of the Earth

And I didn't get eaten by the alligator. I've just been sick. I'll catch up on my blogvisiting tomorow.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Look who's hanging out by the pool again

Looks like a nice, peaceful day doesn't it?

Take a closer look.


Should I freak out? Should I move? Do you think his favorite food is 4'11" girls who walk their dog?

He's big enough to eat Peanut as a side dish with some of my leg for dessert.

I thought he was relocated because of StupidLadyWhoFeedsHim. Maybe he came back - I've heard of that happening. I guess he likes to golf because he always hangs out on the golf course side of the bank closest to the pool area. Like I said before, he's probably trying to get a good view of all the bikini action going on. Can you see the golf carts back there? They saw him and just went along their merry way like it was no big deal. Ok, I've lived here almost all my life and it's never no big deal.(did that sentence make sense?) Actually HE might be a SHE getting ready to lay eggs. In that case I'm really freaking out because that means a protective mother plus more alligator babies. Ok, I'm seriously thinking about moving......