Just a few things before I leave on Sat

-I found a Power Ranger Tshirt size 5T. It's a size too big but I had to go on a damn oddessy to find it so that baby is going to have to just wear it anyway. I got souvenir tees for the older two but the little one said he likes Power Rangers so I had no choice. I went everywhere. Two different Targets-no Power Rangers. Walmart-nothing. Bealls-nope. Kohl's-uh uh. Kmart-nyet. Finally I broke down and went to the mall. Luckily, I found a Disney store and they had some. Crisis avoided. Go Power Rangers!

-The Disney Store. Um. Yeah. If you haven't had kids yet and were even contemplating the idea of pushing one out, don't go there. And for the record I feel sorry for/hold the utmost admiration for anyone who is so cursed as to have to bring a child there and doesn't end up in a straight jacket. The employees seem to know the inner demons that will be unleashed in kids upon stepping foot into that store and take advantage of it. I saw one following a poor mother around making all kinds of suggestions while the woman, who BTW was clearly on the verge of some kind of emotional breakdown, just said, "yes yes we'll get those honey," just so her kid would calm down. Yep. It's not going to be a destination for the Pea Family when I push one out. I said it. Write it down.

-The baby birds are gone. Should I be worried about that? I mean they were getting bigger and all but I can't believe they would be big enough to just fly away. Is it possible that the mother moved them to a different nest? Does that happen? Please don't say a cat got them. I mean I know it's a possibility but it would be hard for me to believe since no one in my building owns a cat and I doubt any stray would have found them. Plus I'll be heartbroken so I'll have to pretend they didn't like the noise and just moved. The nest is still there in perfect condition. I'm going to have to investigate. Their location was at the LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe's front doorway so it's going to be hard for me to get some answers from her. I better not find out that she did something like complain about them living in her wreath.

-My trip(s)! My trip(s)! My nephews don't even know I'm coming. I don't know how my sister and I kept this secret for 3 weeks without slipping, but we have. I think she's planning to load them into the car by saying, it's a nice day, let's go for a drive. Oh man, they're all going to get pinched on the belly. One by one. MrPea's and my trip South was postponed until my birthday so I'll be home Wednesday instead of next Monday. I was dying to look for shark teeth down there, but I guess I can wait. I'll try to post while I'm gone but if I don't I hope everyone has a Great Independence day and a safe week.

I'm ok with the Random

*That new med made me nauseous last week. Everything was gross. Food was gross. Trees were gross. The sun was gross. Rain, also gross. Watching tv, gross. The vultures outside, gross. The car, gross. Even Peanut was gross. But this week is better. Peanut is off the gross list. Actually he has a doctor appointment today and I'll be feeling sorry for him because of the invasive things they'll be doing to his derrière. But he doesn't want me to talk about that.

*A lot of people made fun of me in high school for taking French not Spanish. "When the hell are you ever gonna need that? People here speak Spanish, dumbass!" They said. Well jackasses, if you read here, and I know a few of you are, I use it all the damn time and none of ya'll even remember one friggin Spanish word. So sit down!

*Sometimes my husband will do something and I'll think to myself, I have the best damn husband on Earth. Like lately he's been turning on the heating pad my Grandma bought me and putting it on my side of the bed under the blankets. He knows how sensitive I am to temperatures now. So when I go to bed, my side of the bed is warm. It's these little things that keep me from screaming at him when he splashes water all over the sink and 'forgets' to clean it up.

*Speaking of sinks, we have separate bathrooms. This is the key to a healthy marriage, I am convinced of this. I use the master bath because it has a bigger closet. We don't use the master bedroom connected to the master bath because I hated the tiny window in that room when we moved in. So we sleep in the smaller room with the big eastern window and I trod, or I should say stagger every morning across the living room to my bathroom and closet to wash up and get dressed. And since I'm on the topic of closets and healthy marriages, I have to say that separate closets are also essential. At least, in my marriage they are. He can splash to his heart's content all over his bathroom and I don't have to look at it. And I can fill my closet with all kinds of shoes and be as disorganized as I like and we don't have to argue over closet space. We're closing in on our 11th anniversary(in March)so I think I may be onto something....

*And since I'm also on the topic of my upcoming anniversary, a snowbird lady I talk to sometimes who didn't know I was married said to me when I told her about my anniversary ,"Damn girl, you musta' been born married! Girls in the south still get married too damn young? You southerners, I swear!" I was 20, not 12. 20 is a bit young but still though there's a difference. And anyway, I'm not from the south. I just grew up here so I'm a southerner by preference. He's not my cousin for crying out loud. So I don't know what all the shock was about.

- I accidentally interrupted a make-out session the other day at the library.(!) Two teenagers were getting down on some bean bags in the young adult section. They gave me a mean look but I couldn't help but laugh at them. What, was the grocery store too loud for you guys? At least they were being age and section appropriate so I approve. And I didn't tell on them.


-The people who live directly downstairs from us are here. They are snowbirds and usually stay only a few weeks. I feel a little sorry for them living under us because Peanut likes to run back and forth down the hallway and bounces over the bed for extra show off points when he's happy about something. This happens maybe 2 times a week and last for about 2 or 3 minutes. I don't do anything to discourage him when he gets into one of his happy stampedes because although he gets plenty of exercise, he's the only one out of his litter that lives in a condo and not a farm. So I feel like a good 2 minute joy-run is not too much to ask for. He was taking steroids again last week so all kinds of jumping was going on. They still wave and smile to me from the balcony when they see us walking so I don't think it bothers them. Yet.

-I HATE cooking. The thing is, I'm really good at it. But I HATE it. I do. What's funny is I'm really vain about it and like nothing more than hearing my cooking complimented. I really have no point in saying all this, it's just that it was on my mind. :O)

-It's finally clear enough tomorrow for me to get to the beach and I'm excited. My feet are killing me but I don't care. It's going to be windy and probably a little cold and I don't care. The latest red tide report said low to medium and I don't care. I'm going dammit.



I hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween yesterday, I was feeling sick so I feel like a total loser for not having any fun, drunken, slutty costume stories(I was planning to be a mouse-not a slutty one just a regular one) but oh well.

Saturday Random

-I saw that documentary everyone (on both sides) was freaking out about a few months ago, Jesus Camp last night. It didn't creep me out as much as I was told it would but I have to admit, I was pretty disturbed. And I was raised in a strict, religious home. I'd like to see the makers of this film catch up with these kids in 10 or 15 years and see if they still feel the way they do.

-Mr.Pea and I sometimes fight over who loves Peanut more, me or him. He lets Peanut walk all over him, gives him food from his plate, warms up his blanket in the dryer, and pretty much gives Peanut whatever he wants so he thinks he loves Peanut more. I'm the one who (badly)trained him, takes him to the doctor, makes sure he takes his meds and gets plenty of exercise, plus I'm the one who gives him his bath so it has to be me. But the real argument is, who does Peanut love more?

-Speaking of Peanut, sometimes if he asks for a treat, the one I give him isn't good enough for him. Like he wanted the chicken treat and I gave him a milkbone. He'll turn his face away as if disgusted and shocked I would even think of giving him such an inferior snack. So I'll just say," Oh you don't want it? OK I'll give it to [Mr.Pea] then. Here [Mr.Pea], Peanut hates this so you can have it." Suddenly Peanut wants it.

-I used to think I would do really well on Survivor. I figure because of my size and the fact that I smile all the time, people always think I'm harmless. So no one would find me a threat and vote me off and I would run away with the million dollars. But since I've never even been camping before nor have I ever felt the desire to do so, made me think, hmm maybe not. I'm also a picky eater who thinks everything is gross so I would probably end up passing out from malnutrition after the first day. Plus besides cheerleading, I was never that good of an athlete. Since I've never seen them have any cheer challenges, I don't think any of my skills would come in handy. I noticed on the scenes for next week's show, they had some kind of 'wrestling each other' challenge. Nope, don't wrestle either. So it's just not going to happen. I'll have to make my million dollars another way.


-I'm starting to get my balcony "coffee ready." I'm still off the crack, I mean coffee, since it's still too hot for warm drinks but it's good to be prepared. There was a big, ugly satellite dish out there that drove me completely insane every time I looked at it, which was everyday since it was right in front of the sliding glass door. The guy that installed it did the most redneck job I've ever seen but that's another story. The point is, I moved it and put a hibiscus plant there instead. And since I've been bitching about the fact that winter is coming to doom us all, at least I have something to look forward to: coffee on the balcony in my favorite chair wrapped in a blanket....Hopefully the jerk downstairs won't be revving his loud obnoxious motorcycle for hours like he did last year always at the very time I'm out there.

-I ran into Humongous Toad again yesterday. This time he was hiding behind a wooden post. I feel bad, I probably scared him, taking all these pictures of, but I can't help it. I wonder what he's been eating or if he comes from a nuclear facility.

Luna Moth Car Wash

My mom went to the Philippines for a long visit with her family and gave me her car to keep while she is away. It badly needed a wash and vacuum so I went out early today to do it myself before the heat has a chance to melt me. Ok, before I go on I want to say 2 things: 1.I'm not man-bashing, I love you guys, you guys are great.(so long as you all know your place...ok I'm only kidding..or am I) 2.I'm not complaining about my height. I love being petite, I wouldn't be taller than the 4feet 11inches that I am for all the money in supermodel land. Never. Ok.
The thing about being petite, in my experience is there are certain people who think because you are short, you need help all the time....because you're helpless and probably dumb. Since you're the same size as a child, you should be treated like one. I understand this and really it doesn't bother me especially since there are so many benefits to having people feel this way about you. Like when you need to play stupid to get information out of someone-information they wouldn't give you if they knew you were smart enough to do something with said info, not that I'm that devious but I'm just saying...it can come in handy, ok but that's besides the topic. And men. Well, I think because I'm small, they think they need to protect me, or help me all the time. There's nothing wrong with this but there's a certain kind of patronizing way of helping someone that I get a lot because of my small stature.
So as I was saying, I washed my mom's car this morning-dressed decently before anyone comments that these people may have been flirting! It's not a fancy car and it's not new. I didn't want to detail the damn thing, just clean it up a little. A few people stopped by, I'm assuming because they think I'm a tiny and helpless complete idiot, to let me know in the most patronizing tone of voice how to wash a damn car. Do I look like a stupid fool? Apparently.

Car#1. Um...excuse me? Yeah you need to start from the top and work your way to the bottom.That's how you're supposed to do it. Me: Well, I can't reach the top so it's going to have to stay dirty, plus I don't really care that much but thanks. Car#2. Hey are you planning to wash your car? Yeah, You gotta make sure the soap doesn't dry in the sun before you rinse. It's bad for the paint. Me: Well, that's why I parked in the shade. The paint is already faded anyway so it doesn't really matter. Thanks. Car#3. You're not using dish soap are you? Not a good idea. Me: No it's not, it's car soap. I've washed plenty of cars in my lifetime without incident but thanks for the advice. I'm pretty sure everything will be ok.
Was kinda bitchy, wasn't it? Especially since two of these people are old enough to be my grandpas. I made a decision a long time ago not to give out any unasked for advice ever again and this reinforced it.

The best part of the day was when I was finished and reparked next to the mailboxes and saw this. A luna moth. I didn't know they could be found here since I'd never seen one before. Isn't it pretty? I only had my cell phone cam but the pic came out ok, right?

The painter in me was wishing it had chosen to stick to a more contrasting color but it's probably dead so I shouldn't criticize.....

CreepyManAtThePool-make yourself comfy, this is long. BUT if you skip it because of how long it is, it won't hurt my feelings I promise

Today I worked out in the neighborhood fitness room for the first time since CreepyManAtThePool scared me. If you've known me for awhile or read the post I wrote about all the things that scare me, you'd be really proud of me because it took a lot for me to go there by myself again. The fitness room is next to the pool and nothing scary happened to me in there but it's a small room attached to the condo office with only one entrance and even though it's full of windows, no one can see in or out because of all the bushes. I've never been attacked before but somehow, in too many moments of my life I've found myself in strange or dangerous situations that have led me to believe that 75% of people around me are psych ward escapees. Well, ok , maybe 80%.
I rode my bike a couple miles yesterday just because I was feeling too wimpy to go to the fitness room, lest I run into CreepyMan again and even then, I pedalled really fast going past the woody area just in case CreepyMan has some ilk hanging around in the trees! It sounds so irrational I know it, but somehow I attract all the people in the world who have strange behavioral problems. I make fun of it now but I'm not sure I'll ever get over my fears of strange men.
I can(and eventually I will in this blog) tell about all the weird scary people who have tried to make friends with me but today I just want to talk about CreepyManAtThePool. I still remember being a little kid when poor Adam Walsh was abducted and it was all over the news. I remember after that, every year, there were always school discussions about keeping yourself safe and listening to your intuition and it really affected me. Maybe that's why I'm scared of my own shadow but at the same time, I'm glad I was taught how to protect myself. I hope they still talk to children about this today when they need it even more.
But anyway, back to CreepyMan. It was about 6:30ish pm and I wanted to exercise in the pool. It was last August and the sun was still up so I felt ok by myself. When I arrived there was a 30something man swimming laps and I went into the shallow end to power walk. Another older man probably in his 50s came into the pool area and was sort of walking back and forth from the hot tub to the pool but not getting in either. I know now that he was waiting for the guy swimming laps to leave. The only way I can describe the way he was acting was, he was lurking. When the guy swimming laps got out of the pool and left, I remember thinking to myself that maybe I should go too because I was already feeling uncomfortable by the way CreepyMan was acting. But I thought to myself, Oh you're just being paranoid again, so I finished my work out. When I was ready to leave, I had to swim to the other end of the pool because that's where my towel and the exit were. I even remember being under water and already having a feeling that Creepy was going to say something to me as soon as I popped up. When I did pop my head up, he was standing over me and asked me if I had a cell phone-(ok I know this sounds like a general question but it could also be something he wanted to know in case he had plans that didn't involve me calling for help). I didn't. For a split second,inside I panicked, but then I just pretended like I didn't know if I had one or not because: 1. I didn't want him to know I didn't have a cell phone with me and 2. I wanted to get to my towel and keys because they were close to the exit. When I got out of the pool he stood in such a way as to block my exit but I had enough room to walk over to my things and quickly put on my towel. I have to add that he was very tall and not muscly but big. I still remember thinking that if he tried to grab me I would be able to out swim him in the pool but if he was blocking my way out,there's no way I could fight him away unless I could somehow jump over the gate into the alligator infested lake(!) to get away from him. This is all that was going on in my head-how to get out. So I continued to pretend like I was looking for my phone at the same time, inch by inch, trying to walk around him to the exit. He kept saying,"I really need a phone, there's an emergency at my work." I picked out my keys, the only thing I could think of to possibly use if I had to and finally said, "oh looks like I didn't bring it with me," and ran to the gate to leave. I know you're not supposed to go straight home but I was so afraid, that was all I wanted to do.
I could have easily been misinterpreting the situation because if someone was to say to me, "A guy at the pool asked to borrow my cell phone," I wouldn't think anything of it. But the way everything happened and the fact that I have a good intuition for people convinces me that I was right to feel the way I did. Plus the pool is less than a two minute walk away from any building in the development(and only people who live here are allowed to use the pool) so if he really did need a phone that badly, he could very easily just walk home for one(if he lived here) so why ask me? And why not ask the guy that was there earlier swimming laps?
I told a couple of my neighbors what happened and they both told me that on separate occasions some strange guy had 'accidentally' dropped his shorts in front of them. None of us have seen him again, but that's why I'm scared to go to the pool by myself or to the fitness room. Maybe I am just overly paranoid but still, I'd rather be safe.

Thanks Neighbor, I only wanted 3 hours of sleep anyway

Condo-land...it's fun.


I have decided to blame anything that goes wrong today on the jerks in my building who decided to blast crappy,redneck music with some loud friends at full volume until 3AM last night. I'm not sure who it was because I didn't want to disturb Mr.Pea by walking around looking out the window. I'm pretty sure it's either LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe -OR- GuyDownStairsWhoThinksHe'sDonJohnsonCircaMiamiVice. I'm leaning towards LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe but it could be MrMiamiVice because he has no problem making loud noises with his obnoxious motorcycle at any hour of the day. So again, I have decided to blame anything that goes wrong and how shitty I feel today on whoever it was.

At least Peanut was a good boy at his doctor appointment today. Do you think it's a coincidince that my dog and I started having health problems at the same time?

Who are the people in yer neighborhood....in yer neighborhood.....in yer....

Since I walk Peanut all over the place, I've been a witness to everything that goes on here and met a lot of my neighbors. I thought I should take it upon myself to 'help' out a little........


Dear LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe,
It's ok that you hate me. But I should let you know, just for the sake of female solidarity that leather pants are not for you. You're just too skinny for them and too preppy. You don't strike me as a fringe kind of gal either. You need some more hips to really pull that off and you've got a great figure, really. I know you were going for a Pat Benetar kind of thing but you should stick to the Gap, it looks nicer and it suits you. But the hooker boots are really hot, hang on to them-I'm thinking about getting a pair for myself, actually. I know you wondering why I think you hate me, but, we're adults ok? I figured out your dislike for me, oh, around about the 5th time I said hello to you walking up the stairs and for the 5th time, you gave me a dirty look and said nothing. It's fine, not everyone has to like me, I'm at peace with that. But tell me, just for future references, is it because you don't like my taste in music when I'm in the shower? That was my first theory. Or is it my hair? Just wondering......By the way, again for the sake of female solidarity, I won't tell your boyfriend about the guy on the Harley I saw you kissing the other night while in said leather pants. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear DumbestLadyInTheWorldWhoLivesNearTheLake,
The reason I asked you if you were from Florida during our last encounter is because I noticed you feeding the alligator with your two small children and I assumed your reason for doing so had to one of 2 things: A) you're not from Florida and have no idea how dangerous alligators are when they are not afraid of humans--OR--- B) you're the dumbest person on Earth. Since you're answer was yes you're from here, I'm free to assume away. I just have a teeny, tiny request. PLEASE STOP DOING THAT YOU STUPID IDIOT! I really enjoy my walks with Peanut and one of our fondest wishes is to NOT get eaten. If one of us happens to get grabbed and pulled under, I'll know who to blame. By the way I've called the Fish and Wildlife Authorities and told them someone was feeding the alligator and they wanted to know who. But since I'm big on female solidarity I lied and said I wasn't sure who because I wasn't wearing my contacts. That's a huge lie because I don't/have never worn contacts. They plan on relocating the alligator so you'll have to find something safer to teach your kids...See you around and have a nice day.


Dear SingleLadyAcrossTheHall,
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact I like you, you're nice and surprisingly normal. I might know a cute surfer to introduce you to. We should go to Starbucks together and I'll tell you all about it. I'm free on Thursday....See you around and have a nice day.


Dear CreepyManWhoScaredMeAtThePoolLastSummer,
Don't ever ask me for my cell phone while blocking my way out ever again. I have pepper spray and I'm not an idiot. Just because I'm by myself doesn't mean I'm vulnerable and dumb enough accept your lurking behavior and the accidental 'oops my shorts are falling off ' routine. Do it again, and my husband and brother are ready to come over and help you solve your problems. You live 2 minutes away from the damn pool, walk your creepy ass back to your house if you need a phone that bad. Stop taking pictures of the women who lay out while trying to pretend you're taking pictures of the trees. Everyone is on to you and the next time the police are called, they are not going to believe the lame tree photo story you gave them. We check the sex offender website monthly looking for you because face it, one of these days you will be on it. Hopefully before your behavior escalates and frankly, you should seek a psychiatrist because it will. You creep us all out and, actually, we all think you should move. Far away. Maybe Antarctica. Thanks, hope I don't see you around and have a nice day.


Dear PoorUnknowingMotherAndFatherWhoLiveNearTheWoods,
You both seem like really nice people so I thought you should know that your adolescent daughter is flashing her chest at some of the cars passing by while waiting for her bus. I'm not sure exactly why she does that, maybe you should ask her. She seems like a nice girl too. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GuyWhoThinksHeSuperHotAndLivesDownStairs,
Do you think you could maybe rev your loud obnoxious engine for 30 minutes everyday NOT right next to my window? I know and understand that you want to make sure everyone in the building knows how hot you think you are and how youthful you try to be but we enjoy NOT listening to a loud, annoying, obnoxious engine. Thanks. And by the way Don Johnson circa 1980s called and is asking for his Miami Vice wardrobe and hair back. You're a handsome man, you don't need the blonde highlights, I'm sure they cost a fortune. Ok keep the look, I won't make fun of you anymore. Just, you know, stop with the engine ok? See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GuyWhoPlaysTheDrumsInHisGarage,
Thanks for doing that in your closed garage by the way, it means you have consideration for other people. Truthfully, I enjoy it. Sounds good. Keep at it. There's a single girl across the hall from me, you should ask her out. You should know that I plan on introducing her to someone though. Try the LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe. She likes the bad boy type. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GrouchyLadyWhoWalksAroundWithaCamcorderTryingToGetPeople
InTroubleForBreakingCondoRules,
You get on everyone's nerves. Get a damn life. Or a job. See you around and have a nice day.



To be continued because I have a hundred more....