Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Welp, guys, my surgery is scheduled for Sept 7. Why not sooner? Because I wanted to relax and have some fun this weekend before I'm all stuck in bed with a swollen neck feeling sorry for myself that's why. I can't really describe how I've been feeling about this whole thing. No one can ever truly understand what it's like to hear a doctor say, you have a tumor and it's cancer. My first reaction is usually to cry and roll into the fetal position like a roly-poly. But, the people pleaser that I am, I did my best to keep a brave face and when she said to me, do you need to ask me anything, are you feeling ok? I said, I'm ok, and looked at my husband because at that very moment if I didn't keep his gaze I might have just fallen off the face of the Earth. No matter how successful people tell you treatment for this kind of cancer is, I will not even begin to write down the kind of thoughts that run through my mind every 5 minutes. So since last week I've been having these mini panic attacks, crying fits, moments of calm, to true moments of feeling brave and ready, and then for five minutes I not think of it at all until I remember that I'm scared. While I was sitting in that room today waiting to meet my surgeon, I felt this crazy-overwhelming urge to run out the door. I don't like the fact that someone else is going to be in control of what is going to happen to me. But now that I know there's really nothing I can do except trust and hope, I let myself feel depressed for a couple hours, I let myself cry, and now I'm ready to stop being a baby and start doing myself a favor by thinking positive. I can't promise I'll feel the same way tomorow but for now that's how I feel. I'll do my best.
PS Ya'll should have heard some of the questions I was asking my surgeon....those of you who have had surgery will laugh but I'm telling you, not only am I a spoiled brat but I'm also extremely paranoid and have probably seen way too many scary and sci fi movies. So here are a few: Um...am I going to go into a coma or something like that, I mean, how does this whole anasthesia thing work? So...am I going to really be unconscience or will I be like in some sort of zombie like state where I can see and feel everything but powerless to do or say anything? Hey--what is this cardiac arrest risk paragraph mean, am I going to have a heart attack or something like that? Am I going to have one of those frankenstein scars after?
And anyway why would I have anything to fear when I've been blessed by the future pope? Check out those hands, they contain healing powers I know it.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
A couple weeks ago I was walking with Peanut(as always) near the entrance of our neighborhood. This guy in a yellow jeep(yes yellow) was entering through the gate and I could hear that he had Kelly Clarkson full blast on the stereo. As soon as he saw us he quickly switched to an old Pearl Jam song. In my mind I was like-uh ah too late I already know that you totally love Kelly Clarkson. Just own it, man, play it proudly. I'm not going to laugh. I feel like that fact that he was embarrassed about his own music choice is more pathedic than the fact the he drives a yellow jeep(on purpose) and listens to Kelly Clarkson at full blast. I happen to like Kelly Clarkson, by the way, so why would I make fun?
PS My appointment with my surgeon is on Tuesday so I'll know then when I can start kicking cancer's ass.
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 10:27 AM
Thursday, August 24, 2006
The scary one not the dirty one-you filthy mind you!
Well it appears this post will be a more serious one. Last week I had a biopsy done on the lump on my once beautiful neck. Everyone in my life already knows that last year I was diagnosed with a slow thyroid and have been taking meds to correct it. Well it never corrected, that is, it never shrunk back to normal. This past February I had a couple ultrasounds done and then I saw a gland specialist who did all the inspecting and poking and had me turn my neck this way and that way,looked over my ultrasound results and sent me for bloodwork(it was the 4th or 5th time I had to get bloodwork done in the past 4 months). He then basically told me that it was fine, keep taking my meds, everything is ok. I never felt right about it. I kept telling my husband and everyone else that I just felt like he(the doctor) wasn't taking me very seriously. My reasons were circumstantial(I mean forgive me doctor, I'm not the expert you are!) I kept saying ,"oh he's used to seeing people who are severely overweight and have serious metabolic problems or life altering diabetes and here walks in this girl(meaning me) at 100 pounds, tan and healthy looking with just a small bump on her neck whose complaining about being tired and vain about the way her neck looks." So he just upped my dosage of Synthroid(the meds) and sent me on my way with some reassurance that in a couple months it should be back to normal. After the bloodwork(which was also to check out some other REALLY STRANGE symptoms I had) was done I waited a week to get a phone call from his office and the call never came so I assumed as everyone does that no news is good news. But I still never got over the feeling that I just felt like that doc was not taking my problem as seriously as should be. But i did as I was told and waited. And waited. And waited. So before I went to visit Neenee I scheduled an appointment with a new endocrinologist because I wanted to be sure that I wasn't just being a brat. I also wanted to make sure she was a woman, not that I have anything against male doctors, but, I wanted someone who would understand my body image issuse that this lump has brought about. She examined, probed, poked, hit me in the knee, all that stuff and said we should do a biopsy. I said,"What! What is that? " She explained the procedure and I eventually allowed them to stick needles into my neck at the same time performing an ultrasound. It was definitely not a fun experience especially since I hate needles and am scared to death of them. But it's a good thing I found this doctor. Yesterday was my follw up appointment and she told me that I have Thyroid Carcinoma which is a rare kind of thyroid CANCER. The word echoed in my head and everything she said to me after that and all she explained to me was just noises and sounds. She did say that it's not the scary kind of cancer and the success rate for the sort of treatment I need is 99.05% so I shouldn't be too afraid. She gave me some information to read and her cell phone number in case I was confused later on and told me she wants my thyroid removed right away.
So now I have to have surgery to remove my thyroid and although I always knew that surgery would one day be a posibility, I'm scared. I have my first appointment with a surgeon on Teusday and then I'll know for sure what day. The weird part is, always the people pleaser, I find myself consoling everyone else and having to say," don't worry I'll be ok." But frankly I don't like having to put on a brave face because I don't feel very brave. Mr. Pea came with me luckily so I didn't have to drive myself home. But I had to run to the ladies room when it was over just so I could breathe. I know that most likely everything will be successful and that I really will be ok. But the whole thing is SCARY. I've never had surgery before and definitely never had cancer before!
I am so THANKFUL that I listened to my gut and got a new Endocrinologist! I promise myself that I will never ignore my gut feeling EVER AGAIN.
PS Peanut is feeling better by the way. He had his follow up appointment yesterday and everything looked good.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Why?? Because I'm too lazy and it's a beautiful day. Peanut came home on Friday morning and his surgery wound was left open for healing-gross. He slept all day but by Saturday he was back to normal. I can tell that he's feeling better since he's already stalked and killed a lizard, picked a fight with a water snake, and tried to steal a corn muffin from MrPea's lap(I have to get a better nicname for my hub than that-I'm open to suggestion ya'll). He has a follow up appointment tomorow but I'm sure he's just fine.
I really have no other news for now, my groupies. Well I do, but for now I gotta keep it zipped.....those of you in the know will understand when I get over my laziness and finally upload some pictures that were taken during my trip to Neenee's house. Anyway I'll have some better posts coming up very soon I promise..... Here are some upcoming titles with not so subtle hints-"A Creepy Man Scared me at the pool last week", "I gave someone the evil eye and I don't feel the least bit guilty", "Random Insensitive Things I've had people say to me","Random insenesitive things I've caught myself saying to people","Topics only my husband is allowed to talk to me about", "Occupations,Errands,Duties I wasn't born on this Earth to perform", and more.....
I have some more in the works and also some great pictures coming up-don't abandon me yet, forgive my laziness. Would it make you feel sorry for me if I said I'd been a little bit sick? No? It was worth a try.
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 12:43 PM
Friday, August 18, 2006
Peanut wasn't allowed to come home today :o( His doctor says he's doing fine but for recovery reasons and safety, he has to spend one more night. I was told he is really unhappy about having to stay in a kennel but I'm not surprised. This is a dog who has free range of this house and an expensive chair we have yet to sit in because he claimed it as his "living room bed" the moment it was brought into the house so I expected him to be a difficult patient. What can I say-he's the king in this house. Honestly it's pretty sad being in here without his face. Frankly it's pretty depressing. Anyone who's right now thinking,"get over it, it's just a dog" can might as well just not ever visit this blog ever again because people who don't understand how much we pet owners love our animal family members either have never had/loved a pet before or are emotionally limited ___________(bleeps). I think the latter is actually more accurate because I've seen a lot of people who do have pets but don't treat them like family members and frankly I don't see what the point in even having one would be in that case.......
Anyway so that's our Peanut update, other than that everything else is going ok. Well.....I'm sad too that Neenee had to go home(and so is she) but she's keeping her chin up.
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 7:16 PM
Peanut is having surgery today....he is not well. Update TBA when we get him home. The last time he had surgery, Mittens was on hand to nurse him back to health:
This house is too quiet without our Peanut. Think happy thoughts about our Peanut today....
PS Have ya'll been introduced to Mittens yet? He's only the best cat in the whole world...and universe.
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 9:09 AM
Monday, August 14, 2006
Because I know you've been craving one.....
A little fact about our Peanut. I've already told you he's a fearless hunter. The only thing in the whole world that scares him is thunder. But don't tell him I told you.
PS I'm busy/lazy this week because Neenee and her kids are here.
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 8:33 PM
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I just got home from my weekend at Neenee's house. I have some more pix to share but I'm too exhausted to think about it right now. Here's the chub-a-lub who we've been calling Padre because he likes to make hand blessing gestures. What a good baby.....
So here we are: the scorned woman(hell hath no fury), the future pope, and the godmother. Bow down....
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 10:13 PM
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
I made peanut butter cookies last night......you can guess how these turned out. Even the garbage disposal didn't want them. It's so not my fault because I totally followed the directions and the directions said bake 7-9 minutes. Plus see how how they look normal on the top and charcoal on the bottom? yumyum. The second batch came out ok. Know why? Because I followed my own damn directions and baked them for 6 minutes.
PS I don't even eat cookies anyway. I hate cookies.
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 8:44 AM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
by my cousin in an email so I thought I would respond here instead of passing it on....
Things you may not have known about me.....
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1 Clothing salesgirl(they sold hoochie mama stuff)
2 Bikini salesgirl at a surf shop
3 Chocolatier and casheir at an overpriced candy store
4 Hostess at a resteraunt
B) Four movies you would watch over and over:
1 A Very Long Engagement
3 Lost in Translation
C) Four places you have lived:
1 Sunny Vale, Ca
2 New Orleans,La
3 Hollywood,Fl(not Ca)
4 Boca Raton, Fl
D) Four TV shows you love to watch:
2 Survivorman(also regular Survivor)
3 Anything on Animal Planet, Discovery,National Geographic,History,Science channels
4 Judge Judy
E) Four places you have been on vacation:
1 South Beach Miami(back when it was still cool-before it turned into another version of spring break Daytona fest)
2 Montreal and Quebec City Canada
3 Las Vegas
4 London, England-it wasn't really a vacation-it was a nightmare-the people were nice though
F) Four Websites you visit daily:
1 cnn/other news
2 my favorite blogs
3 daily kos
4 everything else...
G) Four of my favorite foods:
1 chile con queso with homemade tortillas
2 Quesadillas with green salsa
4 japanese and korean style barbeque
H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1 shopping in Boca Raton
2 shopping in Montreal
3 Waikiki Beach
4 The Louvre(minus the crowd)
I) Four Favorite Desserts
1 Strawberry shortcake
4 ......that's it, luckily, I don't really like sweets that much
J) Four friends I think will respond:
3Not a damn soul
4 ne personne
K) Four favorite songs
1 Indian Summer-The Doors
2 Iron Lion Zion-Bob Marley(everything by him)
3 Shake your Booty-Kc and the Sunshine Band was my favorite when I was like 3)
4 everything else
L) Four Favorite Things to Do
1 walk Peanut all over the place
2 riding my bike to the secret beach
M) What other occupation would you choose?
4 I can't think of anything else
N.) List four things in your purse
2 hand fan
O.) Four books that you'd read (or already have read) again.
1 Mists of Avalon
2 I Know This Much is True
3 Life with Picasso
4 all of my books by Margeret Atwood
I haven't been posting cuz', well, honestly I couldn't think of anything witty to say(the pressure,the pressure) and I need to scan some more pictures of Peanut since that's what's getting the best responses. Our f- car air conditioner broke last week, take a 5 second moment of silence to feel sorry for me since I had to drive a half hour in the hot damn heat to drop it off......ok that was good enough-I feel validated and cared about now. It's fixed now-THANK YOU- THANK YOU- THANK YOU air conditioner fixing people. Anyway, I'm off to visit Neenee for the weekend on Friday. I'll be back with lots of baby pictures of her chub-a-lub and the ass kicking ninja and Dr.Nope. If you don't know who I'm talking about right now, you'll find out when I get back. Oh you're not interested in pictures of them? Too bad!
Her Royal Highness LittlePea at 10:16 AM