Thursday, August 24, 2006

The C-word

The scary one not the dirty one-you filthy mind you!

Well it appears this post will be a more serious one. Last week I had a biopsy done on the lump on my once beautiful neck. Everyone in my life already knows that last year I was diagnosed with a slow thyroid and have been taking meds to correct it. Well it never corrected, that is, it never shrunk back to normal. This past February I had a couple ultrasounds done and then I saw a gland specialist who did all the inspecting and poking and had me turn my neck this way and that way,looked over my ultrasound results and sent me for bloodwork(it was the 4th or 5th time I had to get bloodwork done in the past 4 months). He then basically told me that it was fine, keep taking my meds, everything is ok. I never felt right about it. I kept telling my husband and everyone else that I just felt like he(the doctor) wasn't taking me very seriously. My reasons were circumstantial(I mean forgive me doctor, I'm not the expert you are!) I kept saying ,"oh he's used to seeing people who are severely overweight and have serious metabolic problems or life altering diabetes and here walks in this girl(meaning me) at 100 pounds, tan and healthy looking with just a small bump on her neck whose complaining about being tired and vain about the way her neck looks." So he just upped my dosage of Synthroid(the meds) and sent me on my way with some reassurance that in a couple months it should be back to normal. After the bloodwork(which was also to check out some other REALLY STRANGE symptoms I had) was done I waited a week to get a phone call from his office and the call never came so I assumed as everyone does that no news is good news. But I still never got over the feeling that I just felt like that doc was not taking my problem as seriously as should be. But i did as I was told and waited. And waited. And waited. So before I went to visit Neenee I scheduled an appointment with a new endocrinologist because I wanted to be sure that I wasn't just being a brat. I also wanted to make sure she was a woman, not that I have anything against male doctors, but, I wanted someone who would understand my body image issuse that this lump has brought about. She examined, probed, poked, hit me in the knee, all that stuff and said we should do a biopsy. I said,"What! What is that? " She explained the procedure and I eventually allowed them to stick needles into my neck at the same time performing an ultrasound. It was definitely not a fun experience especially since I hate needles and am scared to death of them. But it's a good thing I found this doctor. Yesterday was my follw up appointment and she told me that I have Thyroid Carcinoma which is a rare kind of thyroid CANCER. The word echoed in my head and everything she said to me after that and all she explained to me was just noises and sounds. She did say that it's not the scary kind of cancer and the success rate for the sort of treatment I need is 99.05% so I shouldn't be too afraid. She gave me some information to read and her cell phone number in case I was confused later on and told me she wants my thyroid removed right away.
So now I have to have surgery to remove my thyroid and although I always knew that surgery would one day be a posibility, I'm scared. I have my first appointment with a surgeon on Teusday and then I'll know for sure what day. The weird part is, always the people pleaser, I find myself consoling everyone else and having to say," don't worry I'll be ok." But frankly I don't like having to put on a brave face because I don't feel very brave. Mr. Pea came with me luckily so I didn't have to drive myself home. But I had to run to the ladies room when it was over just so I could breathe. I know that most likely everything will be successful and that I really will be ok. But the whole thing is SCARY. I've never had surgery before and definitely never had cancer before!
I am so THANKFUL that I listened to my gut and got a new Endocrinologist! I promise myself that I will never ignore my gut feeling EVER AGAIN.

PS Peanut is feeling better by the way. He had his follow up appointment yesterday and everything looked good.

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