Joy to the world!

I know-I know ya'll. Christmas is over. But that's what I feel like every time I put my new favorite shoes on! I even wore them to church yesterday.(yes I occasionally go to church internets...)They don't look very churchy but ask me if I care. And yes they are hard to walk in but I do fine in high heels anyway. I've been wearing them since I was 4and got caught walking around in my mom's shoes. Officially though she started letting me wear heels when I was in the fifth grade. It was probably a mistake. We had a talent show at school and my friend Ann and I were dancing in it. Because the size of the cafeteria was not large enough to accommodate the whole school, there were 3 shows. The first and second show went off without a hitch. The third show however, is filed in the mortification section of my brain. So there I was in my silver miniskirt that my mom had sewn for me. It was actually a leftover part of my Halloween Costume that I was recycling as my talent show costume since the song we were dancing to had sort of a space-like sound, as so many really bad 80s pop songs did. My little partner had borrowed my sister's exact match silver mini so we were thinking we looked so damn cute. I had on some suede pale grey kitten heel pumps lined with rhinestones that I swore I saw Madonna wearing. By the middle of the song, everything was going great. I look over at Ann and she nods at me because we are ready to do our jumps in unison. First jump I heard a rip. No it was not me, it was Ann. She ripped the silver mini! Not enough to really get embarrassed over but 5th grade girls get embarrassed easily. She had a frozen look on her face and I realized she's about to bail so I felt like I had to save the day. I did my jump by myself and to my horror, my shoe flies off my right foot. Suddenly Ann starts laughing really hard(when she's supposed to be dancing not laughing at me!!) and sort of pretends to move towards me so that I can pretend I need to move towards her but really it's because I need to dance to where my shoe landed so I can put it back on. No one laughed at us, it's likely they thought it was part of the show but I was mortified.....

These shoes definitely make up for any embarrassing moment I ever had. And by the way don't make fun of my second toe, I'm sensitive about it. Really. And don't start with me animal people-it's faux snake skin ok. I don't have a problem wearing the skins of animals that I eat but I don't eat snakes so I won't wear them.

And since I'm on the topic of Christmas gifts I thought I would share with ya'll the fruit of another gift from MrPea. I had to take it with my cell cam because I'm still having a problem uploading with my regular cam. It's been a long time since I've used colored pencils, 14 years to be exact, so I'm pretty much learning from scratch all over again. I used a book to help me with this one. I'm still painting here and there but not as much as before because my easel is in storage until we move and my desk is too small.....at least with colored pencils, the supplies are more portable and I can work anywhere.

I'm finally over my nasty Christmas cold and was able to go the beach yesterday. I really shouldn't be out there in that cold, wet ,sea air but I can't help it. My find was nothing to brag about so I didn't even bother to take a picture. I did see what I'm pretty sure were Right Whales. This would be the time of year for them show up. I know I didn't mistake them for dolphins because there were dolphins too. The Right Whales were further off shore than the dolphins. I could see black tail fins and V-shaped blows. It was the first time I ever saw whales before so I was really happy. The dolphins were grey and playing really close to the shore, I'm guessing because the water was calm and it's too cold for anyone to swim so they had the water all to themselves. Who the hell needs Sea World?(Sea World still makes me cry anyway)

It's getting too serious lately, have a laugh at my expense

I don't mind.

Recently I was asked what my MOST EMBARRASSING moment of my life was. I thought, my word, do you have a few days cuz that's how long it's gonna take since I have so many. If you've been reading here for a long time(those of you who are still left) you might think it was the time I accidentally felt myself up in front of some prisoners. Um. Yeah. This kind of stuff always happens to me, be it my fault or not. But believe me, this does not even top my mortification list. I have one just as bad, maybe even worse- you decide.

The summer I lived in my very first apartment, I was 19 and I had a job at a fancy pants chocolateir shop. This place was so expensive and sheesheefoofoo, they did not even have price tags or any indicator for how much things costs. They just assume anyone shopping there has so much damn money, they know it's expensive chocolate so they don't need to ask(those were my manager's exact words). I loved making the chocolate and dipping the strawberries, pretzels all that stuff- I did everything. I put all the assortment boxes together and wrapped the solid forms with plastic wrap and ribbons. I even made ice cream. And truffels, OMG the truffels ok? The best perk was that I could eat anything I wanted as long as I didn't take it out of the store. Yes, you guys, an all you can eat chocolate buffet. I hearted this job. I didn't even mind that they made me wear a really ugly hot pink hat. Because it was such a small store, I worked mostly alone and I had my own key to the place so I could close up the shop on my own after weekday evening shifts and open the store on my Sunday shifts. I was the only girl employee. And one thing started to bother me about being the only girl employee. After about 2 months I started to notice my coworkers were not cleaning up after themselves and leaving HUGE, DISGUSTING messes for me to clean up at the end of their shifts. Anyone out there ever clean up gobs of dried chocolate stuck to the floor? Not to mention the squished strawberries and nuts mixed in. It's not a whistle while you work kind of task. It took a while but, I finally got up the nerve to do something about it. I complained about it and my manager said that it's always the responsibility of the person who closes to clean up. I said,"No. When I work in the mornings, you guys always have a clean area when you come in because I clean up after myself. Fair is fair. I'm not every body's wife or mommie, I shouldn't have to clean up other people's sloppiness. Of course the store needs to be clean at close up, but this is food we're making here when it comes down to it and this room is disgusting." This was pretty bold of me, because I am a really passive person who's always too shy to rock the boat but that's how bad it was. But for a while it was ok. Then they got lazy again and this time I was ignored and treated like a whiny little girl. It started to make me feel more timid to even say anything at that point cuz I needed that job. So the day I knew I had another job lined up I went to eat lunch with my sister and was working myself up into such a state talking about that I finally said," that's it! I'm not going back there, not even to give those jerks a two weeks notice!" Of course because of how belittling he was to me the last time, I was too timid to just call my manager and say I quit, I'm not coming back. So me and my sister came up with this wonderful plan for her to call him and say, " Angel had to leave the country for a family funeral, she doesn't know when she'll be back." So she did. Big problem. I needed to pick up my last pay check and give them my key. Of course once again, I'm too chicken to do it because I just couldn't take his smartass smirk PLUS I'm supposed to be out of town remember? So my sister volunteers to do it for me but I have to come with her and hide in the car. We were too stupid at the time to park in the parking lot behind the building because my genius plan was just to crouch down in the car so no one could see me. My sister went in and came out empty handed because she said they refuse to give a check to any other person but me. So we're sitting there arguing back and forth because I wanted her to go back in there and demand my check as my sister and tell them all to screw themselves because obviously someone like me who crouches in a car so as not to be seen doesn't have enough nerve. We're still arguing about what to do next and I hear a tap tap on my window. There's my now former boss standing next to the car with my check. I said,"oh," and rolled down the window and he gave it to me not speaking. We then slowly drove away in hu-mil-i-a-tion. I can still see his smartass smirk in the rear view mirror to this day.

Yep. Big lesson learned: never lie in the place of sticking up for yourself. I should have easily sauntered in and told every one of those jerks where to go.

Curse that oven!

Someone came over this morning to fix my oven. I've been putting off calling about getting it fixed just because I hate having to wait for them to come for the 6 hours time span they always give you and frankly I don't enjoy having people I've never met before with metal tools and blunt objects in my house because I'm pretty paranoid.(Psychoman is always on the loose, I'm telling you guys.)The problem was the top coil thingy inside the oven wasn't working. Or so I thought. Of course it suddenly started working after months of not working when the repairman turned it on. Feeling like a jackass, I said,"Well, it wasn't working before. It hasn't been working for a long time! The reason why I know this is because every time I want to bake something, the bottom is always burnt and the tops are raw, like when I make cookies. I can't even bake pies or cakes because of that coil." So he tried it again. Again it works. So I said sorry, thank you and he went on his way. I'm so vain about my cooking I actually wondered to my sister 5 minutes later on the phone if he just thought I was a crappy cook and was blaming it on the stove. But then she asked me why I cared whether or not he or anyone thought I was a shitty cook since I hate cooking anyway. She has a point. I do hate to cook.... still though. He didn't know that.

Hair(not the play), incase anyone was wondering-not that I was expecting anyone to wonder

Thanks for all the input guys! This is what I did. I took every one's advice and just canceled my appointment. I scheduled an appointment with another place for Wed. I'll try it a couple times and if I don't like it, I'm still not going back. My hair is long and straight, it's not that hard to cut and as long as it stays long and straight, I'm really not that picky about who cuts it. I went to that place for a long time and my original hairdresser who charged me 40 moved away and the new girl(s) they were sending me to were more expensive. I just think 60bucks is too much to pay for something as silly as "aesthetic maintenance." This doesn't count all the chemicals I'm always convinced into getting-highlights, toners, glosses, color. Sometimes my bill would add up to 150! Of course this is my fault for agreeing to do all this stuff in the first place but it's like I become this zombie the minute I have that robe on who says, ok sounds good. I also felt like I was getting this "look" because I stopped buying their shampoos($23.00). I don't use any products in my hair either. Basically the reason they charge so damn much is because they are a "(insert shishifoofoo brand name the 'cool people' like) lifestyle salon." I found another place that's just as nice and less expensive when I took my nephew to get his hair cut last week and I just felt more comfortable there. If I had a high maintenance 'do', I wouldn't mind the 60dollars plus tips.

There are a lot of things I would splurge for(like those glasses maybe-I'm still thinking about it) but not hair that ends up in a ponytail because of the heat anyway! I never thought I would EVER blog about my hair but there you go. I'm officially that girl that blogged about her damn hair, don't tell anyone. Ok tomorow I have to come up with something more hard hitting, any suggestions?

*Ok I just thought of something. I didn't/couldn't make this up. Today, while MrPea and I were at the store buying all kinds of stuff in bulk(don't even get me started on all the joys I get from buying in bulk), I had to use the bathroom. There was a lady in the stall next to me making all kinds of, um, noises. Porno noises. I only saw 2 feet so I know she was in there alone. Since she wasn't concerned at all about the fact that I was there, I decided not to care either and didn't bother trying to hold my laughter in. Who does that at a damn ware house store? Ok don't answer.

Folk Groupie?Me? I would have never thought

One of my favorite memories as a kid is being in the backseat of my Grandparents' car while they were driving me to Dairy Queen. This memory sticks out because there are four kids in my family and I have tons of cousins there so whenever I was visiting, we were always all together but this time I was alone with them. I was about 8 or 9 and we were driving down the hilly, winding road where they lived. It was a beautiful West Virginia summer day and the colors in my memory are yellows and greens. There was a folk song from the 60s on the radio and they were singing it together and I remember being so happy because they were singing. Even though it was the first and only time I had ever heard that song(at the time Madonna was the end all and be all in music for me) I always remembered it because it was such a happy moment for me. Skip 10 years later and one of the women in the group who recorded that song ended up being my neighbor and became one of my closest and dearest friends. She's not one to brag so I knew her for a long time before I even figured it out. Even then I didn't want to come out and say, oh my Grandparents are huge fans! I did end up telling her about that and she was proud that she got to have a small part in one of my favorite moments of my life.


I'll find any excuse to tell everyone who she is because it embarrasses her. (in a good way) One day at Costco I saw a folk music compilation cd and I knew her group would be on it and when we saw the name I got really excited and said, really loud, just to embarass her really good,"Dee, Let's check if your song is on here. Look! It's you! Everyone in the music section stop and observe! This woman's voice is on thishere cd! When you guys go home, you can tell all your friends you had a moment with greatness. This a damn compilation cd, folks, this means it's important. Here she is at the very Costco you shop at buying pretzels!" The whole time she was mortified(in a good way) and trying to run away from me but there were only 3 people there- one looked at me like I was an idiot(which didn't offend me since I was acting like one anyway) and the other two laughed at us. (I do this to everyone. I once ran after my sister at the grocery store yelling,"Hello, you forgot your Preperation H! Don't you need it?"If I were at Costco with one of you, dear readers, I would do it to you-not the Preperation H thing but something more appropriate for the situation, of course. I expect and invite reciprocation, it's funny.)
A few years back, her group had a reunion concert thingy. When she got back, I bothered her and bothered her to let me watch the video because it was going to be on PBS and I wanted to see it first. I had never seen her sing and had only heard a couple songs before. She wasn't really that excited about the whole thing so I had to really pester-something I'm very good at(in a good way). While we were watching it, she told me during one of the songs, for her part, she had to hit a high note. So every time they had to perform that song, she was always a little nervous. And when she would hear a recording of it, she cringed a little just before that high note, even though she knew it was a recording and of course the high note was just right! I have a couple of the group's songs on my ipod, including the high-note song, not because I love it so much but just to have it, you know? The funny thing is today, while I was listening to my ipod, I had it set to shuffle and that very song came on-and right before the high-note, I found myself cringing a little too. In a good way.

Here's my story and I'm stickin' to it

Daddy, either close your eyes or just picture someone else. Or just skip this post all together. So long as you know this was a total accident.

This isn't that wonderfull so I hope ya'll aren't too excited but it might give you a tiny laugh. This is the kind of embarassing stuff that ALWAYS happens to me.



Last year I rode my bike to library as I do at least once a week. It was noon and in the middle of July so it was about 90+ degrees outside. I had my bathing suit on under my clothes because I was planning to ride over to the beach right after. I want to say first off that I did not notice any sign saying there were prison workers anywhere, probably because I wasn't paying attention. I was in the middle of locking up my bike when I noticed that the library had begun to build a really beautiful deck overlooking the lake so I remember being really happy about that. Then somehow I hit my chest really hard on the handle bars and any woman knows how much getting hit in that soft area hurts, only comparable to a man getting kicked in the...you know. It was that bad ok. So there I am rubbing with both hands where I hit myself and looking in my shirt to see if it was red enough to show a bruise later on. Then I realized I wasn't by myself and I looked up and saw 5 or 6 men in those BLACK and WHITE STRIPED JUMPSUITS(I thought they only wore those in cartoons!!) holding woodblocks and building supplies, watching me with their mouths open. In my mind, I pictured how I must look to these people: a girl in short shorts and a tank top with both hands in her bikini bra ooohing and ahing in pain. I. Wanted. To. Die. Right. There. I quickly muttered sorry and ran off to the library entrance. I'm not even sure who I was saying sorry to, probably my dead grandparents who had to be rolling in their graves to know that their own little EarthAngel just(accidently, I swear) groped herself in front of some prisoners. Great.

I could hear them whooping while I was running off, but what could I do, complain to the cops that I was being sexually harrassed? They were already in jail for pete's sake(first time I've ever used that expression but it seems fitting). Oh the mortification.

I'm probably going to erase this post in a couple days because the last thing I need is someone to arrive at this site from some filthy google search! Hahaha!

Have fun making fun of me. It won't hurt my feelings.

This picture has nothing to do with this post

But I like it. Doesn't she have great legs? Actually maybe there is a relation to my topic.

I learned a valuable lesson this morning. I thought I should share it in case this happens to anyone else. It is this: It's probably not a good idea to prance around all day in pink high-heels the day after you fall on your ass down the stairs. That makes your injured leg very angry. You may think that pink high-heel sandals look better than comfy, old, brown, raggedy flip-flops with your outfit but just don't do it. You will wake up the next day and your injured leg muscles will feel like they are on fire every time you move. You'll have to walk up and down the very stairs you fell on using only the other leg, crying with every step while everyone in your neighborhood will see you on their way out the door and think you're an idiot who can't even climb stairs properly. You'll have to walk your dog that way-gimping all over the place. So instead of having a perfectly good leg that healed quickly because you were smart and wore comfortable shoes, you'll have a leg that doesn't work, feels worse, and is angry at you for choosing fashion over comfort. Then you will have a pity party for yourself on your blog only no one will feel sorry for you because they are tired of hearing about your damn leg. And all the giddiness you feel about your new haircut and color will fly out the window.

House Rules

House members who enjoy rolling and rubbing themselves on the dead bodies of squirrels are required to bathe.

With soap.


And are subjected to drying off with girlish, daisy beach towel for further embarrassment as punishment.

Cabin Fever-sort of

Winter here is, thankfully, damn near OVAH! I'm looking forward to putting the thick socks and long sleeves away and breaking out the flipflops and short shorts. I'm tougher than I used to be in waiting out the last couple weeks of winter. Especially since spending a looooong winter in Canada a couple years ago. I came really close to having a complete breakdown on Easter that year, but that's a story for another day. Ever since then, I made a promise to myself never to complain about being cold and I sort of broke it the other day but only for a minute.

I've been bitching about my health lately and I'm not doing that now, I promise but the subject I do want to bitch about is related-kind of. So here's the thing-and it doesn't really bother me that much-but it happens every single day. I live amongst a lot of retirees and people of all ages who've moved here from places like New Jersey or New York, Michigan, Illinois,Ohio- basically cold and wintry places. I'm proud to share my town and my home state-I don't blame them, if I lived somewhere else, I'd want to move here too. Here's where my health comes into play-I have no temperature control since my thyroid was removed. I'm cold all the damn time. Then sometimes I'll get hot for no reason. But I'm pretty much freezing if the temperature drops below 70. I walk my dog at least 4 times a day. It's good exercise for the both of us and I'm still having a hard time recovering so it's good for me to be able to get outside because I get antsy sitting at home all the time, convalescing. I have to wear gloves, scarf and a hat because I can't tolerate the cold-being cold makes it hard for me to breathe and the last thing I need right now is to catch a flu. The people around here look at me like I'm a damn insane asylum escapee because I'm cold. Ok I get it-you're from where it's really cold so you can walk around in shorts and t-shirts and I'm the village idiot walking around with ear muffs! You're in the cool people section because you're from a real city with real seasons and I'm the wimpy, scarf toting, hood wearing bumpkin-happy now?
Like I said it doesn't ruin my existence but it's everyday. I've been trying to snap pictures of them but I'm not sure how to do it on the sly. Some of them already think I'm a complete fool because I once tripped and fell into the lake in front of the senior citizens' bus(that was so embarassing) but again, that's a story for another day.

Stooopidface

The other day I was at the grocery store. At the check-out line there was a tired looking woman in front of me with her son. He had a cutie angelic face, as all kindergarten-aged kids do and he really did not like standing in line. He kept calling her stupid-face and this poor woman looked like she was about to lose it. I remember being little and impatient about being in line with my mom but I don't remember ever feeling comfortable enough to call my mom a stupidface. The poor woman was so nice too- she kept saying softly,"Sweetie, mommy doesn't like those kinds of names. It's not nice and it hurts my feelings." Finally, she got a little mad and said in a 'I-mean-it' voice,"I really wish you would stop calling me that and behave or you'll get a spanking in the car." This little boy looked at her with his sweet little face and screamed,"I WISH YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND GO TO HELL!" I was expecting the walls to fall down but she didn't even blink. She took her cart and they calmly walked out of the store. He won. I felt sorry for her.

I can't even think of anything else to say about that.

Most embarrassing moment of my life

#1

Time: Jan.1983, 8:05 am
Place: Pearl Harbor Elementary-2nd grade morning line up section

I was 7 years old
I made the dumbest mistake of telling my sister during Christmas break(yesssss, it was Neenee) that I had a crush on Rodell, my lunch line partner, who up until that moment traded chips with me everyday during snack. Her real intentions unbeknownst to me, Neenee decided to be big sisterly that day and walked me to my class. She even invited a couple of her cool 5th grade friends to come with us. I felt extra-special-cool to be seen with older girls from the "cool people section" at school. *OK before I even go on are you guessing what happened? Should I even finish? ok I'll finish:

So there I am, trying to be cute in my new purple miniskirt and my sister and her"cool people section" friends decide to serenade me as I'm walking to my assigned place in line.

Oh- did you want to know the song they chose? It was called "Angel loves Rodell"-that's my name by the way. Just in case anyone would like to sing on their own or in the shower...where ever...I'll include the actual lyrics:

Angel Loves Rodell!
Angel Loves Rodell!
Angel and Rodell sitting in a tree---k-i-s-s-i-n-g.........

Oh you already know that song? Because I thought Neenee was just the most talented song writer and by the way I have to mention that they sang so loud and clear that it echoed throughout the entire school.

Isn't that so romantic?


Rodell moved to California two months later but by that time I had transferred my feelings to Scotty, my field trip partner.