Monday Blah(g)

Finished. I'm so loving that word right now. My day of starvation turned into 2 days of starvation. That did not go down so well. Friday I woke up prepared to not eat until about 8:30 because my body scan was scheduled at 5:30 and I was supposed to fast. Luckily(or so I thought) they asked me if I'd like to come in earlier so I went in at 3:30 and by that time my hands were shaking because I'm guessing my blood sugar was really low. About 20 minutes into the scan I asked if they thought I would need to come in on Saturday for more images and the tech said probably yes because there doesn't seem to be enough 'action' in my intestines. I said," That's because there's nothing in there ok!" I couldn't imagine not being able to eat for another day but she said I could have a light dinner and to come back at 11 the next day. That night, even though I had been able to eat a little, I was still so effing hungry. I couldn't sleep because I was imagining all the food I wished for. For some reason I was craving a really buttery baked potato or mashed potatoes, I was actually rehearsing in my brain what I would tell MrPea I wanted to eat as soon as I came out of the hospital. I was so bitchy the next morning. I mean, I know that there are starving people out there, I know this. So how is it that I could not manage a few hours without food? But let me tell you, I was in such a bad mood. To be honest, I was not only touchy, I was downright depressed. It's really strange to me now that it's over the kind of mood I was in. I almost went off on the poor receptionist who told me that the nuclear med department just called her and said they wouldnot be ready for me for 30 minutes. I sort of yelled at her and told her everyone in that hospital is crazy and stormed out. After sitting in the car with MrPea for 20 minutes, I felt bad so when I went back in I told her I was sorry for being so mean . But honestly, guys, imagine not having a decent meal in two days. A half hour schedule delay would seem like an eternity, especially since that would mean a half hour delay in your getting your damn potato you've been dreaming about all night. I had even snapped at the tech person the day before because she asked me to move my head so that they could get a side view image. So I moved. She said," Can you turn just a tiny but more?" I said," If I turn my head any further I'd have to be Linda Blair- Exorcist so can you just take the damn images already?" Ouch- feel bad about that too.....

Anyway, it was over quickly and they were nice enough to show me my images, although they couldn't make any official comments on them since I would have to wait for word from my doctor. I'm hoping that will be by the end of this week. I'm tentatively relieved because there didn't look like there was any tissues in my neck area compared to last year's images so I'll be crossing my fingers until I hear from doc. But I've always celebrated too early only to be kicked in the arse later so I'll just say that I'm glad, at least for now, to be FINISHED with all that crap for another year. AND yes I did order a big heaping plate of mashed potatoes with my tall club sandwich for lunch. I was able to catch up with my sleep this weekend so The Pea you heart is back to 100%.

AND the most beautiful thing to be able to say? I'm going to the beach today. Low tide hits just at the right hour. I don't even care that it's cold out. It's sunny and that's all I need right now.

Losing it at the hospital is apparently my thing warning-to-easily-grossed-out-by-girly-things-men, this post contains the words 'tampon' and 'period'

-I almost slapped someone at the hospital where MrPea had his surgery the other day. Mind you, if you had been told to arrive at 7:30AM only to wait 7 hours before your husband's procedure started, forced to sit in the Cardio-Vascular waiting room full of right wing crazy people peeing in their pants watching Faux News crying out "sexist" every five minutes for another 7 hours, been the last person in the waiting room with no one giving any information as to where your husband is and if he's even still alive at this point, gone on a damn Odyssey just to get coffee because the right wing crazy family HOGGED ALL THE DAMN COFFEE(!), only to go on another damn Odessy looking for tampons when you're finally reunited with your LaLaLand drugged up(but doing ok) husband you might just feel like slapping someone too. Oh but that's not the whole story regarding the tampons. Yes my friends, I had to go look for tampons. Not before hand feeding my poor husband who wasn't suppossed to get out of bed or sit up the rest of the night some hospital food chicken and Mac and cheese, going up and down to the first floor(we were originally on the 2nd, then they moved him to the 4th to recover)to give my brother the keys to our place so that he could take care of Peanut. It had been over 9 hours since he'd been out and it didn't look like MrPea was going to be able to go home. Oh but that's not just it. This hospital is a friggin Labrynth ok. On my Tampon trip, I got on the elevator and pushed 1, to go down to the main lobby where I saw a gift shop and pharmacy on my search for coffee. Did this elevator go to the first floor? NO. It went to 5th floor. I wasn't paying attention since at this point I was half zombied with the stress of the day. I got off and started wandering around. I wandered for about ten minutes in this hospital from hell before a nurse told me I was on the wrong floor. Fine. I get to the first damn floor. Guess what. Everything is closed. I went up to the information desk and asked if there were any vending machines that sold toiletries. The two women working there gave me a blank stare. Forget it. I went to a receiving area and asked the same question. The two women there were apparently in the middle of an inside joke. Giggling, they could not even get an answer out. Finally after about half a minute one of them said no. I said is there anywhere I can go to get a few things for my husband and also feminine things. Laughing again. One of them spit out in a really smartassed voice,"You can go to Walgreens....."bursting out in another round of laughter. OK Time stopped for just a second and I envisioned myself jumping over the counter panther style and slapping this women and her little hyena laughing friend. Of course they both outweighed me by at least 30 pounds and being taller than me, would definitely have a longer reach so it's a good thing I did not. I'm pretty sure they assumed the evil look on my face was attributed to my being on my period and not how irritated I was being laughed at and how early a damn hospital pharmacy closed.


-Oh but that's not the end of it. Giving up, I finally went back to my husband's floor stopping first in the ladies room to see if they had a vending machine. Bingo! They did. But quickly my relief turned into full fledged maniac fury when the machine stole my last two quarters and gave me zero tampons. I cannot confirm or deny beating the machine with my elbow or kicking it Karate style, even though I've never had Karate lessons....

-Back in my husband's hospital room I calmed down, put on a smiling face for him and asked his nurse how to get to my car. I remembered I always keep a few extras in the glove box. (There are 3 parking lots and I was confused about which elevator to use and which walkway) He took about ten minutes and gave me 3 different maze scenarios before seeing the confusion on my face and said,"Or you could just go to the first floor and walk outside to the next building behind the second garage." I said,"Well, it's dark outside right now, we're in (name of scary downtown neighborhood) and I'd like to not get murdered on the way to my car...." (I just wanted to get some freakin tampons ok?! )

-In the end I figured the way out by myself and was able to retrieve the damn tampons. Did I learn any lessons? NO. Know why? BECAUSE MAYBE I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT EXTRA DAMN TAMPONS IF I HADN'T BEEN TOLD TO COME IN AT 7 DAMN 30 IN THE MORNING FOR A 2 HOUR PROCEDURE WITH A HIGH POSSIBILITY OF MY HUSBAND GOING HOME.... That's why. Or you can just blame my bad temper on my period, whatevs.

Be back in a few

MrPea will be having a surgery this week so I'm not quite sure how often I'll be posting in the next few days. I'll be around.....

My recent CAT

My CAT scan that is. I had one this morning as a follow up to the bump they saw on my liver this past winter. I really don't have any horror stories to report. My tech was really nice and spoke French so I got to practice . He also didn't have to stab me several times for my IV like last time. I'm still irritated about that even though it was months ago because I've got excellent veins. But this time it didn't hurt and I didn't start crying in self pity.

Ok I did a little but only for 5 seconds because I had to pay attention to the little cartoon guy on the machine telling me when to breathe and when to hold my breathe. It was cute.

Of course I did NOT enjoy the 'drink' prep they gave me. Again it was disgusting but I only gagged once. I guess I was not as shocked by the nasty flavor and consistency as last time. My stomach's been angry all day though.

And yes, I did experience the peeing-in-your-pants sensation and freaked out a little but not as bad as before. I didn't yell or anything, I just had to keep telling myself to be still and to stop worrying because I did not pee in my pants. Yep.

My Sweetheart's Heart

No news is NOT good news but at least I have some news. After all the tests my husband has what appears to be a healthy heart. But while he was in the hospital a dangerously low resting heart rate was detected which may explain what happened. Hopefully a good cardiologist and who ever else we need to see can answer the hows, whys, and what do we need to dos. For the sake of Mr.Pea's privacy and my anxiety, I won't talk about it too much after today. Normalcy is what we both want so I have promised him and myself that I will keep my dark fears to a minimum and return to my sunny side up self.

(But can I just tell you guys, that I feel even more anxiety now that he's home than I did while he was in the hospital. I didn't think a higher level than what I was experiencing was even possible but apparently my anxiety knows no bounds when I'm worried about someone. I'm sure that it's a release of some kind because the whole time I was trying to stay calm and hold it all together which is what I tend to do during a crisis. Now that he's home, the rest of my repressed nerves picked up some hammers and started banging my system. I think I have a healthy attitude about it though, I'm sort of just letting it happen because I know it will abate after a little while. Exercise helps a lot and today we got in some good beach time. Luckily MrPea is on vacation this week so we'll spend some good time together. Ok I won't say anymore about it...)

I want to say thanks to everyone who left a kind word for me and private emails. You internets are so nice...I luveth ya'll...expect some more vis'tin from me soon.


Oh and on another upbeat note. Peanut(canine member of the "Sick" family) had his follow up appointment today and Doc says he gets a clean bill of health. Finally!

When the table turns

I've had the most exhausting two days. My Mr.Pea may or may not have had a heart attack Saturday. We went to the hospital at 3AM yesterday when he woke me up because he was feeling chest pressure,pain in his left arm, and couldn't breathe. He's been there ever since and as anyone can imagine, I haven't had much sleep. They've been performing several tests and hopefully, we'll get some answers this evening. Actually every test they've given him has turned up healthy but with his family history and the symptoms, all arrows point in a direction I don't even want to think about. The words to describe how I feel right now don't exist.

I can handle and kick my cancer's ass. I can go to the hospital and put up with radiation, all those f-ing pills,and being poked and examined. But it's different when it's someone close to me with a possibility of having a worse condition. My husband. Who never gets sick. Who always has a better heart rate than me and I exercise everyday! Who surfs 7 hours straight no problem. Who never even sweats when it's 97 degrees outside. Never goes to the doctor, never even gets a damn stomach ache. Seeing him in a hospital gown and all those wires....I can't even finish that sentence.

He says he's ok and doesn't even feel bad anymore. Laughs at me when I start crying. Wants to come home. He's not even acting sick. Still though, it's been hard and I'm just trying to keep it together and stay positive.

Random Tuesday Confessions about my CAT scan

-I have a big purple and green bruise on the inside of my arm where I had a HUGE IV needle from Friday's CAT scan. Technically it's two bruises close together to make one big butterfly shaped bruise because my vein, ahem, rejected the first needle poke and pushed it out. I didn't know my veins could do that. If only I had known this before, imagine all the other needles I could have rejected all those other times...damn. Oh well. Moving on, back to my confession: I show these bruises to anyone who bothers to look my way in an effort to get some pity because frankly I'm beginning to enjoy the attention from them. In fact I almost took a picture of my arm to post for extra blog-pity until I realized how pathetic and twisted that would seem . I'm just hoping no one mistakes them for heroine track marks. I don't look that sick.

-Speaking of my IV, the person in charge of the injection told me I would get a flush of heat and feel like I'd peed in my pants but not to worry. What?! Yeah. It happened. Not the peeing in the pants part. The freaking-out-because-I-thought-I-did-even-though-they-were-nice-enough-
to-explain-to-me -that-I-would-feel-like-I-did-but-not-to-panic-because-
I-didn't happened. I yelled loud enough to disturb whoever was having their own CAT scan in the next room,"Am I peeing in my pants? Omigawd, please tell me I'm not!" And as they were correct, I did not pee in my pants, I only felt like I did for a minute or 2. That would have been the tipping point for me. If I had actually peed on myself, I think I just may have relinquished the minuscule remainder of sanity I had left and would perhaps be in an insane asylum at this very moment. But fate smiled upon me Friday and luckily I'm still here, my peeps. So just to reiterate the most important part of Friday: I was peepee free and therefore held on to my sanity.

-BTW anyone out there ever had one too? If you're nodding your head(s) my hat goes off to you, dear(s). The prep they give you to drink....I don't even have words for this drink. It's called Berry Smoothie flavor. Um. They got it wrong. They should have just been honest and called it Berry Repulsive Goo. There's also a banana flavored one I was lucky enough to not have formed an opinion about. But let me tell you, this drink is so disgusting, it's the color and texture of lotion and you have to drink a big #$%* bottle of it in 20 minutes. Yes. Ever get the urge to drink an entire bottle of lotion for breakfast? Me neither.

SO I guess the conclusion of my whole post for today is, I'm a pretty crappy patient. I freak out even when I'm told not to and my freak out sessions are loud enough to disturb others with probably more serious issues than mine. I'm definitely afraid of peeing in my pants. I hate needles yet enjoy the pity and attention I receive after the trauma of it all is over. And I complain about anything I'm given to eat or drink that has the word "prep' on it. You don't have to feel sorry for me if you don't want to.


I'm not sure when I'll hear from my doc about the scan, I'm guessing next week so I'll let ya'll know when I do. Keep your fingers crossed. f-ing cancer, I swear!

Almost over

I finally got an appointment for my radiation and hospital stay. It took about 6 phone calls since no one ever calls people back but I finally got someone to give me a definite day instead of a, "I think it'll be around....but I'll find out and call you back later today or tomorrow morning at the latest." I hate those people. I don't normally say things like that but right now I feel so awful I feel like I can say anything I want. I'll take it back when I get home and I'm feeling better. I already did all the prep stuff the other day, I had to get my blood drawn and a preg test. I go in on Tuesday at 11AM. They give me the scary blue radioactive pill at 1PM then I'm stuck in that prison, I mean room until I can pee and shower my way down to a safe enough level to go home. I'm going to try my best to get home the next evening. But I don't want to get my hopes up so I'll just say I expect to home by at least midday Thursday. After that I'm still 'quarantined' from the rest of society for 48 hours and then I can do whatever I want. I'm expecting not to feel too good anyway so I won't be sad about having to be at home. Since we all have to sleep apart, I'm setting up the guest room today and luckily Mr.Pea and I have separate bathrooms already. I feel like crap, I'm sore all over and tired as hell but I'm happy because I know it's over by the end of this week. AND I'm happy like I said I would be because this month has brought me closer to Spring and after checking the weather this morning, the temperature is already on the rise. The birds were going crazy this morning and there were little, bright lime green leaves forming on some of the bare trees. I also saw a pair of hawks nesting on one the tress nearby. Yes!




Oh just for the sake of telling someone, yesterday on the way from Peanut's doctor appointment, there was a strange man dressed in all black on the side walk of a busy road and he was, um, having fun with himself in front of all the world. Yeah. Do with that info whatever you want, I just wanted to let ya'll in on that. Kbye

Lamest blog on Earth?

I keep saying this: I know my posts have been few and sporadic but it's because I've been feeling sick. When I'm better, so will my posts and visiting will be more frequent. Should I just record it and make it a sound byte over here? It's true though.

This does not mean I want peeps to feel sorry for me because although, normally I enjoy the attention, but I don't want any pity, honest. Just some patience. Plus I don't feel as awful as one would think. Just tired and head&muscle achy. This is going to be over as soon as next week and then I'll be back to my annoying, smartassy, energy filled, shark tooth lovin', shoe buying, blog posting self.

Oh OH! I quit coffee again. I switched to decaf. This is because too much of my day is spent worrying about whether or not I'll have time for my caffeine fix. And I don't like the addict part of it all. But I do love coffee in the winter(pinch of sugar lots of cream) so the only way to keep it in my life until it gets hot outside again was to make the switch now. Another reason was that I was anticipating that the coffee in the hospital this coming week was going to be just as disgusting as it was last year so I thought it would be prudent to just wean myself off now and save myself the bratty temper tantrum I would be throwing to myself in that room all alone giving me another reason to get all depressed and wish I was at home. (good run on don't you think?) Which is what I'll be doing anyway but at least I won't be homesick for my own coffee. Coffee people, you guys understand what I'm talking about. There's no other coffee on Earth that tastes better than the pot you make for yourself everyday because it's just the way you like it. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Not horrible news, just not the news I wanted

My doctor(s) decided not to do a biopsy yesterday during my ultrasound because the tissues are too deep. She decided instead to have me do the whole radioactive iodine pill again. The real one this time. The 'stay in the hospital until you pee and shower the radiation out so you're not a danger to society pill' . Last year I only took 24 hours because I drink a lot of water anyway. I also took about 4 showers but that's because the food was so nasty and my view was a concrete wall so I was determined to get the hell out of there as soon as I could. Doc admitted that it was probably overkill at this point and the tissue is probably benign but, just to be safe, she wants to get rid of it. I'm pretty sure even if they had been able to do a biopsy and the results came back negative, she already had her mind made up that we would do the radiation anyway. She's like that. I tried not to cry when she told me I couldn't have a baby again this year. I have to admit, that hurt me some because I was hoping.... So that pretty much slammed the door on that idea, didn't it? I was upset about it yesterday but I'm ok today. I'm not a hag yet so I can wait. If it can't happen then I'll deal with that too. She already told me that this was a possibility last appointment when I told her about my plans so I knew. So here are the positive things: I don't have to go off my meds for 8 weeks and feel awful like I did last year. She gave me a new prescription to take for 2 weeks and then I don't take anything for another two weeks before I go in to the hospital for my scary pill and I can handle that. So that means I have a month to fool around, and trust me, I will dedicate this month to some serious fooling around. It's winter anyway so I won't be feeling sorry for myself wishing I was at the beach instead of at home or in the hospital feeling like a leper. Plus by the time it's all over and I'm fully recovered, Spring will be here. And I'll be ready to start doing all my Spring stuff that I love to do, which now that I think about it, is pretty much the same stuff I like to do in the winter, only I get wear cuter clothes and cuter shoes. So I'm happy about that part. And my in-laws are coming to visit us from Quebec in the Spring and I'm going home with them when they leave for a long visit.(Oh Canada!) And I'm reallllly happy about that. So that's that. Again I want to reiterate how thankful I am to have such a good doctor.

In the mean time, peeps, have some more Jelly why don't you?

Don't know what kind this is, it's not in my field guide since it lives in the sea and not the seashore, it looks like it could be a box jelly, but I'm not sure.

These two are cannonball or cabbage jellies. Obviously the tentacles on the bottom are half ripped off. (isn't my scientific jargon impressive? don't be intimidated by it) I've read that they are edible but I couldn't tell you what they taste like since I don't eat jellyfish. Anyone who does, please chime in for us cuz' we'd like to know and dammit don't say it tastes like chicken.



While I was taking these, the people on the beach looked at me like I was a complete idiot. Who the hell takes pictures of dead jellyfish? I do! I do!

Tomorow morning at the damn earliest hour they could force me to come in

I heard from my doctor's office this week about my scan results. She said there doesn't look like there's any cancer but there is a lot of thyroid activity and tissue in my neck, behind my collar bone and breast bone that she doesn't like. Isn't that nice? :O) I already knew about this last year after the body scan I had then. The radiation I had last fall was supposed to take care of it all but, and this is just my theory, I have super cells. So even though it doesn't look like cancer my doctor wants to do a biopsy anyway tomorrow morning. I didn't mention anything here because I hadn't even told my parents or anyone else. I wasn't planning to tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to start the freak out session that always ensues. People always start crying and then I have to be the one comforting them. Selfishly, I really am not in the mood to comfort anyone since I don't feel enough comfort to even give myself. Plus I wanted to have a beautiful week under the sun at the beach and not think about that kind of stuff. But I don't like/don't keep secrets so I just went ahead and told everyone. So here's how I feel about it really: I am so thankful I have such an aggressive doctor and that I listened to myself two years ago when I felt like my other doctor wasn't taking me seriously. I am so thankful that I have excellent health care, which was not always the case and there are a lot of people out there who get worse diseases and don't have health care at all, like the guy sitting next to me at the blood lab asking how much everything was going to cost because he didn't have insurance. I could hear the desperation in his voice. (I won't even start getting political right now about how furious this makes me given the great country we live in) I don't look forward to tomorrow but I'm just thankful I have the luxury of good health care and a good doctor.

And for just a second I have to jump on my soap box and urge everyone who reads here to always listen to yourself. If you know something is wrong with you listen to your body. You know your body better than anyone else, you live in it :) Don't let any one tell you,"oh you're fine," if you really don't feel fine. Because that's how I felt, and as a girl who was brought up to be nice and defer to authority I was made to feel like I was the crazy one, I was the vain and spoiled little housewife because I hated the ugly nobs growing out of my neck. So because of that I walked around with cancer in my neck for another year.(actually 2 years because of the pre-existing conditions clause in our former insurance policy....yeah) We have to be our own advocates as patients.

Ok that's all the 'serious' for you peeps. I'll be back with something better next post, cross your fingers for me tomorrow. It's not that invasive and Mr.Pea will be with me so I'm not scared.

Ok be honest

Am I a total dork because I'm happy about this? Well why the hell wouldn't I be since I read that book for the first time a few years ago while spending the summer in beautiful Quebec and loved it?(both Quebec and the book that is) Being in Northern, untouched Canada was like living inside the book. Plus I am hobbit sized (except for the big, hairy feet) so it's all stuff I can relate to.

After I finished that book I decided to read the others not knowing that the movies were being filmed. A couple months after I finished the last one, I heard about the movies so it was like double happiness. Yes my friends, I came late into the game on those books but better late than never. Oh joy. I am such a dork, but ask me if I care.



BTW, my second Thyrogen injection was this morning at the ass crack of dawn and it went well. So now both sides of my bum hurt a little but I'm feeling ok. I'm tired and have a little nausea here and there but I have ginger ale and mint tea(with honey) to keep it at bay. I feel better than yesterday that's for sure. Tomorrow is my radioactive iodine pill and if I feel ok I'm going to look for shark teeth on Thursday. HEEHEEHEE

Sigh of relief (not)

I just got my scary medical procedures appointments that I've been waiting for for over a month now. It all starts Monday and lasts all week and then I don't know what comes after that. I'm not really scared because this is routine but the words,'injections' and 'radioactive' make me a little anxious. Just a little. I'll still be posting. Other than mild nausea, I shouldn't have any other side effects and will be able to just do what I do so I'll still be around....I definitely need to catch up with my visiting over the weekend, I've been slackin' off at the beach all week and I don't feel at all guilty.

I just felt like writing all that down.

oh-And I want to note that it's not really all that scary, I just like to describe it that way. Because I am a big spoiled baby.

Stress?

I took Peanut to his doctor Saturday morning. I've mentioned here before about his many surgeries to remove infectious glands from his, ahem, butt. It's taking forever for him to fully heal. He's been on and off antibiotics and steroids for months now. It's the same thing, over and over. For about a week he'll start to look better back there and then all of a sudden, he's swollen and in pain again. He was just there last week when they told me not to worry about him, just continue with his meds and he'll be fine. Saturday, I couldn't take it anymore, I can tell he's really uncomfortable and he's still having a hard time going. One of his doctors said he's probably stressed out. I said,"HUH?!!" I thought he was joking at first.


Does this dog look stressed out to you? If this is stressed out I'd like to see what relaxed is then.

Everyone gets one

I went to the dentist today for my torture,I mean my new filling. It was not even the beginning of the hell that will ensue in the next month or so because I've been told that my wisdom teeth are completely impacted and need to be extracted(it rhymes, what fun!!) as soon as possible. I had no idea I even had wisdom teeth. I thought they were something only people in ancient Egypt got. The best and most exciting part is the part where they tell me I need a specialist because it's possible that he will need to drill into my jawbone because...I missed the rest of the explanation because I stopped listening at this point since the words drill and bone were echoing in my brain. But that's a few weeks away so I'll hide that horror from my self for a little while. I don't want to talk about that, I want to say something else.

Today's post is dedicated to everyone who is brave enough to lay helpless in a chair while someone you barely know puts drills and sharp instruments in your mouth. It really says a lot about a person who can do this without slapping anyone or running out the door to hide in the bushes because I can honestly say, that while I was laying there receiving my wonderful Novocaine injections, those options crossed my mind at least 80 times. And of course I had to have special nerves that are not wired like everyone else in the population so I needed injections in several places. It was fun. Anyway back to my dedication. This trophy is for you and me. My dentist going brothers and sisters! We deserve a damn trophy. We deserve one of those gold stars on our foreheads that tells everyone, I am AWESOME, I rock at the dentist. Because dammit it takes so much f-ing mind over matter to willingly participate in the kind of things they force upon us at the dentist. Today, in LittlePeaville is officially Dental Patient's day. Indulge yourself my fellow tooth&gum conscience friends, you deserve it!
:o)

Happy Little Trees

Still sick. I feel like crap. I thought I was just tired and my thyroid hormone was too low again but now I know I have the flu. Sucks. But on the bright side, I don't have to work and I don't have any babies to look after so I can just be sick without having to still 'do' like my poor sister 'does' when she gets sick. So I've been laying on the couch with Peanut watching old episodes of 'The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross' only getting up to refill my glass of Gatorade.(citrus cooler of course) I would like nothing more than to be on that show just so I can paint a masterpiece then pull a rescued baby squirrel out of my pocket to introduce to my viewers like he did once. I'd rather have the flu than thyroid problems again that's for sure. I had to get my blood work done for my endocrinologist(say that really fast 10 times) the other day and the guy was so rough with my arm, I have a bruise there. I'm such a camper when it comes to getting my blood drawn too, I hate it but it's not like I have a choice. Of course I've never met anyone who says they enjoy needles. I won't know if I need radiation again for another couple weeks. At least now I know what to expect so it's not so scary. Last time I was expecting some kind of Sci-Fi looking contraption but it was in the form of a large blue pill . Then I got naseaus after, my glands under my ears swelled up, and I had to drink a lot of water and go home the next day. So I'm not scared. I thought I had this f-ing cancer thing beat already dammit! Well I sort of do, it's just taking a little bit longer than I thought. This isn't deadly, it's just a life nuisance. Wanna hear the funniest part? The main reason I don't want to have radiation again is because the hospital where I had to stay in to have it done has the nastiest food I've ever been served in my life! The food where I had my surgery was really good and fresh and the food they gave me at the other place was so nasty, I get the heaves just thinking about it.

Don't feel sorry for me for longer than 2 seconds. I have excellent health insurance so I'm lucky. Plus I have my voice back. Took forever, doesn't sound exactly like I used to, and it gets weak by the end of the day if I've been talking and laughing a lot-which is just about everyday. But I'm happy to have it and I can sing in the shower again. And in the car.

My Poor Peanut

The house is too empty without him. Think good thoughts, bang some drums, dance, meditate, chant, 'ask the Universe'(he,he,he), cross your fingers for my Peanut. He's having surgery on one of his 'unmentionables'. He's been having problems healing from a gland infection in his, er,um, bowels for a few months now and has already had three surgeries in the past 6 months and has been on/off antibiotics and steroids. I blame myself because he's been eating the same food all his life and this started happening when I switched it. I thought since he was 9, he should be eating adult dog food, not puppy food. The vet says that's not the cause but I feel like if I blame myself then I won't have to accept the fact that he's getting old(yes, I play mind games with myself like that-I'm not sure if it's healthy but so far it works). He's back to eating the puppy food since it's easier for him to digest. I can't believe I'm writing and worrying over a dog's digestion. Well, ok I can. I love my dog. And he's turning into an old man with old man problems like that. He was our Valentine's gift 9 years ago and he's still our Valentine.


I wanted to post an old man picture of him too but blogger was acting up and started to piss me off so I gave up....
Check out his puppy muscles though. He has a good doctor. He'll be ok.






*Update: I just got off the phone with the vet tech. The surgery went well and they are not going to charge me for the surgery but they are charging me for a biopsy. I could care less about the cost but as a cancer patient myself, the word 'biopsy' concerns me. I'll find out more when I call them back at 2 because he's still under observation. He's already awake and even ate a little bit. He's never too sick to eat. My poor little pup.

Stitches, Peanut's Archenemy and other Varmints

I was trying to get a shot of a woodpecker but he flew away as soon as I opened the door. Then I noticed the lizard. I'm happy he's still alive. How do I know it's the same one Peanut's been stalking? Actually I don't but I think this is the one.

There's also an osprey building a nest in a dead Palmetto across the lake and I can't even begin to describe how excited that makes me. I hope I get to see a baby. Those birds are so awesome to watch. I live so close to the ocean so I see them all the time flying overhead with fish in their claws. I wish I had a better shot because they are so beautiful. They have a stripe of black across their face that makes them look like they have 'cool people' sunglasses on. I'll try to get a close up shot next time I go to my secret beach.


Well it's not really a secret beach. It's just not "the cool people section" and the entrance is sort of hidden so nobody really goes there. But I keep it a secret when people ask me which beach I go to. I direct them to the nearest pier where the big ugly parking lots and 'cool people' are. Sea turtles make nests there and I'm hoping to wake up early and catch a glimpse of the hatchlings(or whatever scientific term they are called). Every year I say I will and every year I miss it.


I got my stitches taken out today. Medical instruments make me nervous. They used this on me last week and I had an inner freak-out when I walked in and saw it.


It says 'cutting' on one side and 'coagulating' and I told the nurse I didn't want to be 'cut' and I definitely didn't want to be 'coagulated'. But I had no choice and like I said it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I'm so glad that was last week.

Then today when I walked in I saw these
waiting for me. Luckily, they were just for cutting the stitches.....

Franken-Pea

Today I had a disgusting mole removed from just above my right ear. My surgeon who took out my thyroid told me I should have it out during my last appointment and he's the only one I would let perform the procedure. I was freaking out about it before I even got to the office. But I couldn't put it off any longer and I had already rescheduled that appointment twice. It was definitely in the top ten most not fun experiences of my life but not as bad as I thought. I think because he was working in an area so close to my ear the noises made it worse. Since it was located inside my hairline, my doctor had to shave off some of the hair around it but that's ok. It gives me something to laugh at and as you probably know, I'm really good at laughing at myself. I also have three stitches there which was a first for me. I always heard people say what a strange sensation it is to have someone sewing your skin and the feeling of the string pulling and being tied. It truly was and it feels tight, as if I had a face lift on that side. That whole side of my head throbs now that the anesthesia has worn off and my face is a little swollen but I really can't complain. It's not anything an Advil can't help out and if that doesn't work I still have some drugs left over from my surgery......I can't wait to get the stitches taken out. They're bright blue and definitely not my color. Wasn't that a great way to celebrate my anniversary?



*By the way thanks for all the good wishes!!!! I can't wait to get caught up with everyone. I'll tell what happened soon.