Sunday, January 13, 2008

Tomorow morning at the damn earliest hour they could force me to come in

I heard from my doctor's office this week about my scan results. She said there doesn't look like there's any cancer but there is a lot of thyroid activity and tissue in my neck, behind my collar bone and breast bone that she doesn't like. Isn't that nice? :O) I already knew about this last year after the body scan I had then. The radiation I had last fall was supposed to take care of it all but, and this is just my theory, I have super cells. So even though it doesn't look like cancer my doctor wants to do a biopsy anyway tomorrow morning. I didn't mention anything here because I hadn't even told my parents or anyone else. I wasn't planning to tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to start the freak out session that always ensues. People always start crying and then I have to be the one comforting them. Selfishly, I really am not in the mood to comfort anyone since I don't feel enough comfort to even give myself. Plus I wanted to have a beautiful week under the sun at the beach and not think about that kind of stuff. But I don't like/don't keep secrets so I just went ahead and told everyone. So here's how I feel about it really: I am so thankful I have such an aggressive doctor and that I listened to myself two years ago when I felt like my other doctor wasn't taking me seriously. I am so thankful that I have excellent health care, which was not always the case and there are a lot of people out there who get worse diseases and don't have health care at all, like the guy sitting next to me at the blood lab asking how much everything was going to cost because he didn't have insurance. I could hear the desperation in his voice. (I won't even start getting political right now about how furious this makes me given the great country we live in) I don't look forward to tomorrow but I'm just thankful I have the luxury of good health care and a good doctor.

And for just a second I have to jump on my soap box and urge everyone who reads here to always listen to yourself. If you know something is wrong with you listen to your body. You know your body better than anyone else, you live in it :) Don't let any one tell you,"oh you're fine," if you really don't feel fine. Because that's how I felt, and as a girl who was brought up to be nice and defer to authority I was made to feel like I was the crazy one, I was the vain and spoiled little housewife because I hated the ugly nobs growing out of my neck. So because of that I walked around with cancer in my neck for another year.(actually 2 years because of the pre-existing conditions clause in our former insurance policy....yeah) We have to be our own advocates as patients.

Ok that's all the 'serious' for you peeps. I'll be back with something better next post, cross your fingers for me tomorrow. It's not that invasive and Mr.Pea will be with me so I'm not scared.

7 comments:

Marymurtz said...

Fingers crossed, white light and prayer going out to you. Keep good thoughts and let us know how everything goes.
xxxooo

flutter said...

You are in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad Mr. Pea will be with you.

You are so right about listening to your own body. My doctor always listens to me.

Take care.

Patti

anne said...

Hey Pea - You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. You are absolutely right on every point here - you must listen to your own body, and (unfortunately) you also much be your own advocate.

Wishing you all the comfort of a sunny sky and beautiful ocean - and an armful of good luck snow from here in the northeast.

Maurey Pierce said...

Sending good thoughts south, your way.

Laurie said...

I am thinking of you.

Mariposa said...

Listen to yourself and body...are one of your firs comment in my blog when i was ranting about how no one believes when i say i'm not ok...and you are so right about it...

I wish you well. Hope the result will be at best for you...