Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Random Tuesday Confessions about my CAT scan

-I have a big purple and green bruise on the inside of my arm where I had a HUGE IV needle from Friday's CAT scan. Technically it's two bruises close together to make one big butterfly shaped bruise because my vein, ahem, rejected the first needle poke and pushed it out. I didn't know my veins could do that. If only I had known this before, imagine all the other needles I could have rejected all those other times...damn. Oh well. Moving on, back to my confession: I show these bruises to anyone who bothers to look my way in an effort to get some pity because frankly I'm beginning to enjoy the attention from them. In fact I almost took a picture of my arm to post for extra blog-pity until I realized how pathetic and twisted that would seem . I'm just hoping no one mistakes them for heroine track marks. I don't look that sick.

-Speaking of my IV, the person in charge of the injection told me I would get a flush of heat and feel like I'd peed in my pants but not to worry. What?! Yeah. It happened. Not the peeing in the pants part. The freaking-out-because-I-thought-I-did-even-though-they-were-nice-enough-
to-explain-to-me -that-I-would-feel-like-I-did-but-not-to-panic-because-
happened. I yelled loud enough to disturb whoever was having their own CAT scan in the next room,"Am I peeing in my pants? Omigawd, please tell me I'm not!" And as they were correct, I did not pee in my pants, I only felt like I did for a minute or 2. That would have been the tipping point for me. If I had actually peed on myself, I think I just may have relinquished the minuscule remainder of sanity I had left and would perhaps be in an insane asylum at this very moment. But fate smiled upon me Friday and luckily I'm still here, my peeps. So just to reiterate the most important part of Friday: I was peepee free and therefore held on to my sanity.

-BTW anyone out there ever had one too? If you're nodding your head(s) my hat goes off to you, dear(s). The prep they give you to drink....I don't even have words for this drink. It's called Berry Smoothie flavor. Um. They got it wrong. They should have just been honest and called it Berry Repulsive Goo. There's also a banana flavored one I was lucky enough to not have formed an opinion about. But let me tell you, this drink is so disgusting, it's the color and texture of lotion and you have to drink a big #$%* bottle of it in 20 minutes. Yes. Ever get the urge to drink an entire bottle of lotion for breakfast? Me neither.

SO I guess the conclusion of my whole post for today is, I'm a pretty crappy patient. I freak out even when I'm told not to and my freak out sessions are loud enough to disturb others with probably more serious issues than mine. I'm definitely afraid of peeing in my pants. I hate needles yet enjoy the pity and attention I receive after the trauma of it all is over. And I complain about anything I'm given to eat or drink that has the word "prep' on it. You don't have to feel sorry for me if you don't want to.

I'm not sure when I'll hear from my doc about the scan, I'm guessing next week so I'll let ya'll know when I do. Keep your fingers crossed. f-ing cancer, I swear!


Laurie said...

I couldn't help myself, despite the seriousness of the situation, I laughed out loud when I read your harrowing account and shuddered to think you might have peed yourself. You have such a way with words.

I know you will be fine, but I'm sending warm and healthy thoughts to you anyway.


MsLittlePea said...

Thanks Laurie. I want you to laugh. I was laughing - it was funny.

super des said...

1. Google reader cut off the title of your blog, so I thought you had a new feline family member.

2. What a very odd thing to happen: the sensation of peeing your pants without actually having the mess. This also makes me laugh and I would have the same reaction.

flutter said...

Oh you kill me, I hate those damned scans

MsLittlePea said...

I wish I had a kitty or 3, Des.

flutter-me too.

marymurtz said...

I had a bottle of lotion for breakfast this morning and it was delicious.

thailandchani said...

I know that feeling you talk about.. the feeling that we're ... um.. wet.. when we're not. I can't recall which medical test did that.. but yours sounds horrific!

Keep smiling though. It will keep you sane.

MsLittlePea said...

Mary-The nurse who gave it to me said, don't worry it's like yogurt or pudding. I don't like yogurt or pudding but I imagine it was NOTHING like either....

Chani-So you know what I'm talking about. Isn't it the strangest feeling!? Laughing at myself and everyone else is something I'm good at. It truly is the best medicine.

seventh sister said...

If you get the chance, get the Louise hay movie called You Can Heal Your Life. She actually cured herself of cacer. There is a book by the same name and it is better if yo get both. The movie is a little like What the *@#Bleep. Send your husband to Costco and tell him to get them for you.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

It sounds horrible. So glad you survived it, sanity intact and all.

Any kind of test that requires me to swallow icky stuff in a short time (or at all, really,) I fail. You are my hero.

Mariposa said...

Yea, I couldn't help but chuckle too, you are too damn witty and funny yah know that?! I hope the result would be good for you!