Me on the mend but not Peanut

I was allowed to get back on my med today. My scan went fast yesterday and the images were good enough for me to not have to come back today which is good because I was planning to revolt and just tell them to take what they have because there's no way in hell I would have been able to go without food again. I still feel like crap but hopefully I'll balance out in the next couple days. I've been trying to find a decent massage therapist just to help roll out the stress and soreness in my back and arms. I also moved my shoulder in such a way that pissed off my neck earlier today so hopefully I can find a place that can fit me in sometime soon. Spiritually I feel a little better because besides a tentative follow up and routine blood labs I don't need to deal with anything til next year, crossing my fingers. I'll probably hear from them about the scan next week but at this point, I don't really care if I hear from those people at all about it so long as they leave me alone for a while. I'm just happy the worst part is behind me.

But Peanut, poor Peanut is having butt problems again to put it mildly. He doesn't seem to be in any discomfort but something's just not right back there still. I was told he had some kind of strange benign cell growth a few months ago and he was taking some kind of exploratory medicine because I wanted to avoid him having to have another surgery since he's had, I think 3 in the past 2 years but........The last thing I could handle right now is if anything happens to my Peanut. He goes to the doctor tomorrow morning. I'm not going to panic. We'll do whatever needs to be done for him that we can afford so long as he's able to have a pain-free existence. He's such a trooper. I still remember the first thing I whispered to MrPea when I came to from my surgery last year was ,"You remembered to give Peanut his medicine right?" I was worried he would forget because Peanut was taking antibiotic for an infection and I'm usually the one who gives it to him. When I came home from the hospital after, I felt like he was avoiding me and I kept telling anyone who would listen,"I wish Peanut would love me again." It wasn't until a few days later that MrPea had to go to the store and leave me alone that I figured out Peanut hadn't been avoiding me at all. When I called him to sit by me he walked so slowly and tentatively with his head low that I realized it was because he knew I was somehow hurt and was just trying to be gentle. The rest of the time MrPea was gone he acted 'en garde' sitting at my feet with his eyes on the door and ears perked. I hate worse that he's having problems than I ever did about my having had cancer at all. But he's an old man now. Just yesterday it seems, it was Valentine's Day 1998 and we were driving him home over Lake Pontchartrain from the pig farm where he was born in Louisiana. Poor Peanut. I think he'll be ok, though he doesn't act like he's sick. I hope so.

It's not even March yet and already I feel like it's been a rough year.