Sorry no words sooner guys

I'm still not feeling well. Not from the radiation so much anymore just because they still won't let me back on my meds because of a body scan I have coming up on Thursday. This utterly pissed me off because I was told I could start taking my meds again 3 days after I left the hospital and then this new appointment was sprang upon me without even asking me. I don't like decisions being made in regards to my health without being informed of them. Doctor does not mean dictator and I absolutely did not like not being left out of the decision and I didn't like being told one thing a month ago and then something new all of a sudden. I'm sick of asking them when it's ok to go back on my meds so that I can feel normal again. It makes me feel like a junkie and a beggar and I don't appreciate being put in that position. I am absolutely livid over the fact that I was told I would only be off my regular meds for 2 weeks when here I am going on my 5th week feeling like all hell is inside my body and still no definite word about when I can start taking them again other than, "call us on the day after your scan and we'll probably call you back on Monday. Oh by the way, you're not supposed to eat anything day."( That means the first time I eat anything at all on Thursday will be around 9pm...yeah) I'm also angry over the fact that I specifically asked if I was going to have another body scan after the radiation and was told no because I had a feeling this was going to happen. I probably would not be this upset if not for the fact that I had to call 7-8 times over the course of 5 days with never a returned phone call from the person in charge of making appointments just to find out when my hospital stay was going to be but there's that to add to all the other frustration. The cherry on top of my irritation over the whole thing was back in January I agreed to have thyrogen injections before the first body scan because I made it clear that going off my meds was not something I felt comfortable doing in the first place. So that was a complete waste of time and money as well. I did communicate this with her office and, oh trust me, I will reiterate this on my next visit which I expect will happen sometime next week unless they want me to unleash my fury right there in the lobby. This is exactly what I mean when I stress to everyone how important it is for patients to be proactive in the care they receive. We are patients not sheep and I don't need to tell anyone that nobody gives a flying !@#$ so long as your insurance company approves the money needed and everyone gets paid. And I'll put this out there once more: I'm one of the HAVES when it comes to excellent insurance coverage. I already know that this is not always the case so if I can be treated this way so can anyone. Thyroid cancer is supposed to be the easiest cancer to treat and cure so I realize my impatience and anger is a relatively small issue in the larger scheme of things. And although I'm very thankful to have all that I have including a thorough doctor, I am beginning to get extremely irritated and question this need to check and recheck and recheck and re-treat. It's beginning to feel ridiculous and unnecessary. I know my own body, I do. I had 5 different doctors brush me off and say,"Oh you're fine," like I was some kind of whiny school girl and I KNEW that it was they who were wrong not me. So now I know that I am finished after this, finished, I don't care what the hell anyone says--it's time to move on and go back to the yearly routine not to have freak out sessions over unconfirmed issues. Because frankly I'm starting to believe that all this is doing more harm to my body than good. Especially since the tissues they were watching were not active and no biopsy was taken. If I begin to have other problems because of all this, there will be law suits and that's no threat.

I want to tell you guys, I'm not an assertive person. I'm usually a mouse. But the good that came from having cancer was that I no longer give a crap whether or not I'm perceived as nice when it comes to my health care. I don't expect to be treated like a baby or wined and dined and ass kissed, I don't. But I will be treated with respect and my decisions are not negotiations and my word is trump not anyone else's. It sucks that it took being sick to get to that but at least I got there.

I'll be blogvisiting ya'll soon. Thanks again guys for all your visits and words of encouragements. Take care :O) And thanks to Chani for your kind email and book suggestion, I'm only into the first 100 pages and I love it already.