One Sick Puppy

Peanut was allowed to come home today. We won't find out the lab results until Thursday so I'll try not to get all doom and gloom. He's taking three different kinds of medication. He's not feeling so great, can you tell? But he seems to be doing ok. I'm so happy to have him home. I was so upset yesterday.....

Thanks everyone for Peanut's recovery wishes.








The weather continues to be BEEE-YOO-TEE-FUL. I've been encountering this strange looking bird every afternoon.

I'm a little bit afraid of her. Look at that beak! Long and sharp enough to poke out both of my eyeballs!

My Poor Peanut

The house is too empty without him. Think good thoughts, bang some drums, dance, meditate, chant, 'ask the Universe'(he,he,he), cross your fingers for my Peanut. He's having surgery on one of his 'unmentionables'. He's been having problems healing from a gland infection in his, er,um, bowels for a few months now and has already had three surgeries in the past 6 months and has been on/off antibiotics and steroids. I blame myself because he's been eating the same food all his life and this started happening when I switched it. I thought since he was 9, he should be eating adult dog food, not puppy food. The vet says that's not the cause but I feel like if I blame myself then I won't have to accept the fact that he's getting old(yes, I play mind games with myself like that-I'm not sure if it's healthy but so far it works). He's back to eating the puppy food since it's easier for him to digest. I can't believe I'm writing and worrying over a dog's digestion. Well, ok I can. I love my dog. And he's turning into an old man with old man problems like that. He was our Valentine's gift 9 years ago and he's still our Valentine.


I wanted to post an old man picture of him too but blogger was acting up and started to piss me off so I gave up....
Check out his puppy muscles though. He has a good doctor. He'll be ok.






*Update: I just got off the phone with the vet tech. The surgery went well and they are not going to charge me for the surgery but they are charging me for a biopsy. I could care less about the cost but as a cancer patient myself, the word 'biopsy' concerns me. I'll find out more when I call them back at 2 because he's still under observation. He's already awake and even ate a little bit. He's never too sick to eat. My poor little pup.

Cat Massage

Everyone has already viewed this but with yesterday's filthy post, I felt the need to post something G-rated to make us feel clean again. I love a good cat massage. The cat I baby sit does this to my head.

A Boyfriend for Neenee?-this is a 're-run' she wanted me to re-post so that we could make fun of him all over again. Enjoy!

Neenee didn't have her internet hooked up at the time this was originally posted so she wanted to me to re-post it. We still haven't gotten over the grossed-out-ness this gave us. The story behind this, if you've never seen it before is, this guy is a friend of a friend. When he heard that she was getting a divorce, this was his way of requesting a date. He sent this picture to her cell phone with the charming words of,"So when are we going out?"

Um, How about never?


I DON'T THINK SO!!!

As promised here is the picture of the idiot who thinks sending naked pictures of himself is the way to a girl's heart.


Hey Romeo! Let me give you a little tip-my sister doesn't want you ok? She might be too polite to say it frankly-but FRRRANKLY(and luckily)-I'm not. And sending her this picture thoroughly grossed us out. I'm sure you're really proud of yourself to have actually taken the time to pose and primp for her and maybe this sort of behavior works with the kind of women you're used to but you're not her type. What is her type? Well number 1-not you. Number 2-the opposite of you. Number 3-men who don't send pictures of themselves thinking the recipient will be too filled with desire to be grossed out by the fact that a total stranger just sent her a creepy naked photo. You know, really, we feel sorry for you-because you're delusional-we can tell that you're really impressed with yourself-it's obvious you take care of yourself-but maybe no one has put you in your place before or rejected you. And guess what, Mr.Ienjoysendingnakedpicturesofmyself. You're not as hot as ya think and by the way the disco era is over-crazy cool medallions should be put away or reserved only for gangsta rappers.......I'm sure I haven't hurt your feelings and that you'll go on with your life thinking you're hot-hot-hot, but I just thought you should know. For future reference: a simple,"hi how are you, would you like to join me for lunch?" is usually the best way to go if you want to date an actual person with a working brain.



She also wanted me to mention that he's from New Jersey, sells insurance, and he drives a BMW in case there are any ladies out there who might be interested in his hot-beefcake-action....

Tuesday Confession

I went to Target today to buy some seeds and a new flower pot for some African Violets that haven't bloomed in forever because its pot is too small. The pot itself was $1.99 and the bottom-plate thingy was 49cents. The cashier scanned only the bottom-plate thingy and I didn't say anything. So instead of paying $2.48, I paid 49cents. An honest person would have said something. I don't feel guilty about it but with my strict Catholic upbringing and all, I thought I should seek absolution here. Forgive me Target, for I have sinned.....


Feel free to purge yourself of your own sins here if you feel the inclination. I absolve you.

I've turned into a bully

My husband is in excellent shape. He's been blessed with a metabolism that allows him to eat from sun up to sun down without gaining a pound. He has the physique of a basketball player, tall and lean. Lately he's been trying to exercise since beyond surfing when the waves are big enough, he doesn't exercise at all. He assigned me as his personal trainer since I've always been the fitness girl in the family. I didn't want this job and tried everything I could to weasel out of it but, he made me promise I would use whatever means necessary to get him motivated to work out at least 4 times a week. If you knew me in person, you would know that I am not an 'in your face' sort of girl. I have a temper as does everyone else but for the most part, I'm usually a very 'soft' person with a bit of 'smartass on the side'. I've found, though, that 'soft Angel' doesn't work when trying to fulfill my promise.

These statements don't work:

"Did you want to work out today or not sweetie?"

"Are you ready to exercise or do you want to wait til after dinner?

"Come on, let's go. Are you ready now?"

"Sweetie, you said you wanted to exercise more. Did you change your mind?"


I have to become 'bully Angel' to get him motivated and use all sorts of angles. This is what works:

Guilt trip: "That watching tv crap is just laziness, move your ass!"
"Do you want to go exercise? Or do you want a donut, your choice!"

Question his dedication:
Me-"If you were hardcore, you would have done 50 instead of 30. But, you're not hardcore."
Him-"Do you think I should do 50 then? Is that what you're saying?"
Me- "Well I shouldn't have to tell you to do 50, like I said, if you were hardcore, you would know and just do 50 on your own, without me having to tell you. But we both already know that you're not so don't bother."

Question his manhood: "Oh you don't feel like working out today? Are you a man or are you a little boy? Because a man would get up, turn the tv off, and get his ass to the fitness room."
"Oh that hurts? Please! My tiny sister had three babies and doesn't complain about the pain half as much as you do about these damn abs ok? SO I don't want to hear, ooohh it hurts."
"That's all you're going to do? I can do more than that with my eyes closed....and I'm a 4foot 11inch girrrrl...."

Appeal to his vanity: "You look like a mushroom over there, get up and go work out!"
"Do you want to be flabby? No? Because I thought you did...."
"You should worry less about your hair and more about getting your ass to the fitness room."


OK in my defense, this is all his fault anyway because I didn't want this job in the first place but then I'll get blamed when he feels guilty about not working out. This is so opposite of my personality and I don't even mean a word of it. I like him just the way he is and I could care less whether he's in rockhard, perfect shape or not as long as he's healthy. And anyway, all he has to do is say, "I give up I don't want you as my trainer anymore." If you were to ask him, he would say he doesn't regret assigning me as his trainer......yah...he better say that or he knows what'll happen.....

Thrift shopping

I saw this at a thrift store. Tell me it's not the creepiest self portrait you've ever seen.....

and the price! My Lord the price!! $11.99 Are they crazy? No I didn't buy if that's what you're thinking. As if I'd be able to sleep knowing that thing might come to life and stab me to death.

I used to go to all the thrift stores and hit all the garage sales I could find. I could even be seen at the Salvation Army and Goodwill(but don't tell anyone lest they start shopping there too and all the prices will go up and there will be nothing left for the rest of us) looking for vintage clothes and digging through the housewares and paintings. For some reason when I lived in the Palm Beach area I stopped. I think it's because I'm so sick of moving that I didn't want to add any more stuff to all the crap we had to drag around already. Then I found Madge's thrifting blog and for a little while now I've been living vicariously through her. Her finds are so good and I'm always jealous because she picks out exactly the same things I would. You could say she re-inspired me.
I used to collect dainty-old-prettypretty-girly-Grandma's house style- tea cups , saucers, dessert plates, cream pitchers and sugar bowls. I had an entire set and nothing matched but that was the beauty of it. It was for coffee or tea with the girls. BUT after our 8 month stint in Hawaii,(when the dot come bubble burst and we moved back to the mainland dammit) my boxes arrived and my little plate collecting heart broke. Every. Single. Piece. WAS BROKEN Dammit! So I've decided to try again and here is the first piece (from Germany):

Someone put this in the dishwasher a couple times too many but there aren't any chips.

I've been bitching for months how sparse our home is so I just have to jump in and do something about it before my husband does. The last time I let him pick out our home 'stuff' we ended up with the furniture from Star Trek that I'm forever complaining about. He's just so retro like that. I still don't have any salt and pepper shakers. A girl's gotta start somewhere though.

In trouble

This is one of my mom's favorite pictures. I was about 4 or 5 and I still remember when she took it. We were staying in a hotel because my dad was in the Navy and we were moving to Hawaii. At the time, I didn't think it was funny because it was our older brother's fault that we were even in trouble and you don't see any boys in this picture do you? What was the crime that we committed? I believe it was jumping on the bed and throwing paper airplanes when we were supposed to be getting ready for bed.

To this day, I still say we were unjustly punished. My brother got to watch tv while we had to stare at the wall. AND he was the one jumping on the bed and throwing paper airplanes and making all kinds of noise, NOT US.(we didn't even know how to make paper airplanes,but no one believed us) I use this as proof that we had a strict upbringing because for whatever reason most people in our extended family think we grew up as spoiled, undisciplined brats..... As if they never met my dad. That polka-dot ruffled dress is a perfect example of my 5 year old personality.

Stitches, Peanut's Archenemy and other Varmints

I was trying to get a shot of a woodpecker but he flew away as soon as I opened the door. Then I noticed the lizard. I'm happy he's still alive. How do I know it's the same one Peanut's been stalking? Actually I don't but I think this is the one.

There's also an osprey building a nest in a dead Palmetto across the lake and I can't even begin to describe how excited that makes me. I hope I get to see a baby. Those birds are so awesome to watch. I live so close to the ocean so I see them all the time flying overhead with fish in their claws. I wish I had a better shot because they are so beautiful. They have a stripe of black across their face that makes them look like they have 'cool people' sunglasses on. I'll try to get a close up shot next time I go to my secret beach.


Well it's not really a secret beach. It's just not "the cool people section" and the entrance is sort of hidden so nobody really goes there. But I keep it a secret when people ask me which beach I go to. I direct them to the nearest pier where the big ugly parking lots and 'cool people' are. Sea turtles make nests there and I'm hoping to wake up early and catch a glimpse of the hatchlings(or whatever scientific term they are called). Every year I say I will and every year I miss it.


I got my stitches taken out today. Medical instruments make me nervous. They used this on me last week and I had an inner freak-out when I walked in and saw it.


It says 'cutting' on one side and 'coagulating' and I told the nurse I didn't want to be 'cut' and I definitely didn't want to be 'coagulated'. But I had no choice and like I said it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I'm so glad that was last week.

Then today when I walked in I saw these
waiting for me. Luckily, they were just for cutting the stitches.....

Who are the people in yer neighborhood....in yer neighborhood.....in yer....

Since I walk Peanut all over the place, I've been a witness to everything that goes on here and met a lot of my neighbors. I thought I should take it upon myself to 'help' out a little........


Dear LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe,
It's ok that you hate me. But I should let you know, just for the sake of female solidarity that leather pants are not for you. You're just too skinny for them and too preppy. You don't strike me as a fringe kind of gal either. You need some more hips to really pull that off and you've got a great figure, really. I know you were going for a Pat Benetar kind of thing but you should stick to the Gap, it looks nicer and it suits you. But the hooker boots are really hot, hang on to them-I'm thinking about getting a pair for myself, actually. I know you wondering why I think you hate me, but, we're adults ok? I figured out your dislike for me, oh, around about the 5th time I said hello to you walking up the stairs and for the 5th time, you gave me a dirty look and said nothing. It's fine, not everyone has to like me, I'm at peace with that. But tell me, just for future references, is it because you don't like my taste in music when I'm in the shower? That was my first theory. Or is it my hair? Just wondering......By the way, again for the sake of female solidarity, I won't tell your boyfriend about the guy on the Harley I saw you kissing the other night while in said leather pants. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear DumbestLadyInTheWorldWhoLivesNearTheLake,
The reason I asked you if you were from Florida during our last encounter is because I noticed you feeding the alligator with your two small children and I assumed your reason for doing so had to one of 2 things: A) you're not from Florida and have no idea how dangerous alligators are when they are not afraid of humans--OR--- B) you're the dumbest person on Earth. Since you're answer was yes you're from here, I'm free to assume away. I just have a teeny, tiny request. PLEASE STOP DOING THAT YOU STUPID IDIOT! I really enjoy my walks with Peanut and one of our fondest wishes is to NOT get eaten. If one of us happens to get grabbed and pulled under, I'll know who to blame. By the way I've called the Fish and Wildlife Authorities and told them someone was feeding the alligator and they wanted to know who. But since I'm big on female solidarity I lied and said I wasn't sure who because I wasn't wearing my contacts. That's a huge lie because I don't/have never worn contacts. They plan on relocating the alligator so you'll have to find something safer to teach your kids...See you around and have a nice day.


Dear SingleLadyAcrossTheHall,
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact I like you, you're nice and surprisingly normal. I might know a cute surfer to introduce you to. We should go to Starbucks together and I'll tell you all about it. I'm free on Thursday....See you around and have a nice day.


Dear CreepyManWhoScaredMeAtThePoolLastSummer,
Don't ever ask me for my cell phone while blocking my way out ever again. I have pepper spray and I'm not an idiot. Just because I'm by myself doesn't mean I'm vulnerable and dumb enough accept your lurking behavior and the accidental 'oops my shorts are falling off ' routine. Do it again, and my husband and brother are ready to come over and help you solve your problems. You live 2 minutes away from the damn pool, walk your creepy ass back to your house if you need a phone that bad. Stop taking pictures of the women who lay out while trying to pretend you're taking pictures of the trees. Everyone is on to you and the next time the police are called, they are not going to believe the lame tree photo story you gave them. We check the sex offender website monthly looking for you because face it, one of these days you will be on it. Hopefully before your behavior escalates and frankly, you should seek a psychiatrist because it will. You creep us all out and, actually, we all think you should move. Far away. Maybe Antarctica. Thanks, hope I don't see you around and have a nice day.


Dear PoorUnknowingMotherAndFatherWhoLiveNearTheWoods,
You both seem like really nice people so I thought you should know that your adolescent daughter is flashing her chest at some of the cars passing by while waiting for her bus. I'm not sure exactly why she does that, maybe you should ask her. She seems like a nice girl too. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GuyWhoThinksHeSuperHotAndLivesDownStairs,
Do you think you could maybe rev your loud obnoxious engine for 30 minutes everyday NOT right next to my window? I know and understand that you want to make sure everyone in the building knows how hot you think you are and how youthful you try to be but we enjoy NOT listening to a loud, annoying, obnoxious engine. Thanks. And by the way Don Johnson circa 1980s called and is asking for his Miami Vice wardrobe and hair back. You're a handsome man, you don't need the blonde highlights, I'm sure they cost a fortune. Ok keep the look, I won't make fun of you anymore. Just, you know, stop with the engine ok? See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GuyWhoPlaysTheDrumsInHisGarage,
Thanks for doing that in your closed garage by the way, it means you have consideration for other people. Truthfully, I enjoy it. Sounds good. Keep at it. There's a single girl across the hall from me, you should ask her out. You should know that I plan on introducing her to someone though. Try the LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe. She likes the bad boy type. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GrouchyLadyWhoWalksAroundWithaCamcorderTryingToGetPeople
InTroubleForBreakingCondoRules,
You get on everyone's nerves. Get a damn life. Or a job. See you around and have a nice day.



To be continued because I have a hundred more....

Another Productive Conversation With Neenee

Like I've mentioned before, I talk to my sister just about everyday. She lives a thousand miles away but that doesn't stop us from having some of the most random, dum-dum conversations. She's also in the middle of a really horrible divorce(and OH I plan to blog about that one of these days, lemme tell ya! But I'm zipping it for now) so it can get a little colorful as well. When she or I call, it's always as if we were already in the middle of a conversation as in:

(cue phone ringing)

Me: Hello?

Neenee: And did you know that bastard had the nerve to imply......

Me: Jerk!

Neenee: Asshole!

Me: They have cute sandals at Target, you should go check it out.

Neenee: Yeah! I saw! Ok, call you back I have to run out the door and pick up D- from the bus stop.




---Two hours later---

(cue phone ringing)


Neenee: Hello?

Me: I can't stand that s***! Gets on my nerves!

Neenee: Huh

Me: You know, like when you're listening to a really good romantic R&B song. And you're thinking wow this is a really good song, I think I like it. And then the singer has to go and ruin it by pausing in the middle of the damn song and start talking in a cheesy, deep, breathy-porn voice to the music, You know baby...I just want to take some time to tell you how I feel...I luuuuuv you. Sounds like an idiot!

Neenee: What the hell kind of station are you listening to?




-----The next day(which actually is today):----

(cue phone ringing)


Me: Hello?

Neenee: Omigosh I know exactly what you're talking about now. You know what I can't stand?

Me: huh

Neenee: Ok the cheesy talking doesn't bother me so much but on the video(R&B boyband)-like when they start rubbing their chins and licking their lips. Gross! Is that supposed to turn us on or something?

Me: I know right!

Neenee: (directed at chin-rubbing and lips-licking offender on tv) Barry White can do that,ok? Not yeeew! And button up your shirt, nasty-man.


Me: Girl-repellent.

Neenee: Went to Target, my size was all gone.


----Two hours later----

(cue phone ringing)


Neenee: Hello?

Me: Hurts my feelings!

Neenee: Who?

Me: Not who, it.

Neenee: What it?

Me: My coffeemaker is broken and it hurts my feelings.

Neenee: I'm in love with Anderson Cooper. I heard he might be gay but damn I'd love to maybe change his mind....that hurts my feelings.





The conversation never really goes anywhere and it's never really over either.

Afternoon Visitor

My dog has been hunting the same lizard who hides in a crack above the patio light for 3 days now. Unbeknownst to Peanut, his archenemy paid us a visit yesterday while he was sunbathing.

Check it out....

Can't see him? Take a closer look.

I do believe he's taunting Peanut. He has no idea how lucky he is to be on the other side of that window.....I'm not making any predictions or wishes(because I do love lizards)but, I have a feeling, a bad feeling, that I'll be seeing this one hanging out of Peanut's mouth soon.

Bon Voyage Captain!

I'm very close to both my inlaws. It's hard not to get close to people you've lived alone with and I love them both so much. I was lucky enough to live with them on two occasions:5 months in 2002 and 8 months in 2004. I've always called my father inlaw (or beau-pere in French) Captain because Monsier ____ sounds so cold and formal. (I give everyone nicnames) Plus look at him, doesn't he remind you of Captain Crunch? At 84 years old he is more like a real Grandfather to me and that is how I loved him. I was actually living with them when my own Grandfather passed away and I'm always so thankful for that because at that time, I knew the very last relative on Earth, who loved me unconditionally was gone and I felt like an orphan. I remember when I returned to Quebec after the funeral, I cried the whole way. And when my plane arrived, I looked out of my window and saw my beau pere's face looking for me in that tiny little airport and seeing his face made me feel like I would be alright. I was happy again because I knew I was returning to people who cared about me. I never told them this.
I once heard him tell his wife that she was still the prettiest girl in the world(he said girl-I specifically heard the word fille, which means girl not femme which means woman, that is so cute). They are the sort of couple who still smack each other on the butt, hold hands while they watch TV, and slow dance to old French love songs on their 50-gazillionth anniversary.

Can you tell by the look on her face how pretty she felt in her new earrings he gave her for Christmas? And can you tell how he wanted to make sure everyone else noticed how pretty they looked on her ears? This is a perfect example of the kind of husband he is.(And not to gloat or anything but, I did marry his son, you know.)
One of my favorite facts about their relationship is that she was actually engaged to someone else when they met. And I don't blame her for changing her mind!


He is the sort of Grandfather everyone should have.



Even Peanut loves him.
They had a few favorite activities they shared. One time I was kissing Peanut and gushing over how handsome my dog is and he started to tease me,"Blech! Disgusting! Not supposed to kiss a dog! A man! A man! Not a dog!" So I ran to kiss him on his face and gush about how handsome he was and he said,"Ok! That's the correct way, see Lena(his wife) I'm still a lady's man."
If you look really closely, you'll see my beau pere taking Peanut for a little ride.
I often heard him talking to Peanut as if he were a human- as in,"Let's make cofee, it's cold outside....this show is funny isn't it....let's go get gas and a sandwich, I'm buying....I didn't win the lottery...."

The lottery is a whole 'nother story. Every night he sat in front of the TV with such a hopeful look on his face. One time he actually won just enough to take the whole family for a vacation in Lake George, New York.

I'm writing all of this because my beau pere died of lung cancer over the weekend. It was heartbreaking for the whole family and so difficult for my husband, who has looked up to his father all his life, to know he was now sick and in so much pain in a damn hospital bed(F-ing cancer!) dying. He had been so strong through his chemotherapy and was so cute about losing his dashing white hair: he asked while I was on the phone with my mother inlaw if we all still thought he was handsome even though he had no more hair. We sent him beanies and hats and he told us not to worry about him because he was going to live until he was 110.

This was a man who, upon hearing that I, too, had cancer broke down and cried about it. His reason was, he said, because he was never afraid for himself since he was a big strong man and he could get through treatment, no problem but I am only a little girl, how could this happen to poor helpless Angel? This was a man who hid candy in his pockets for the grand kids. This was a man who always won at cards-whether or not he was cheating was open to debate. This was a man who played pool for money in his youth. This was a man who worked as a logger at the age of 13. This was a man who was dancing and laughing in my living room the last time I saw him and never, ever made fun of my bad French.
I once heard someone cynically say," People always talk about dead people as if they are saints. Like they've never done anything wrong." This may be true, but it's probably because losing someone makes you realize all the good things cancel everything out. But in this case, I can honestly say that we knew who he was when he was alive. And we're proud of that. Nous vous aimons Captain! (we love you)

We, absolutely, refuse to say Goodbye to him. It's not Farewell, but "Have fun on your trip and see you soon!"

Franken-Pea

Today I had a disgusting mole removed from just above my right ear. My surgeon who took out my thyroid told me I should have it out during my last appointment and he's the only one I would let perform the procedure. I was freaking out about it before I even got to the office. But I couldn't put it off any longer and I had already rescheduled that appointment twice. It was definitely in the top ten most not fun experiences of my life but not as bad as I thought. I think because he was working in an area so close to my ear the noises made it worse. Since it was located inside my hairline, my doctor had to shave off some of the hair around it but that's ok. It gives me something to laugh at and as you probably know, I'm really good at laughing at myself. I also have three stitches there which was a first for me. I always heard people say what a strange sensation it is to have someone sewing your skin and the feeling of the string pulling and being tied. It truly was and it feels tight, as if I had a face lift on that side. That whole side of my head throbs now that the anesthesia has worn off and my face is a little swollen but I really can't complain. It's not anything an Advil can't help out and if that doesn't work I still have some drugs left over from my surgery......I can't wait to get the stitches taken out. They're bright blue and definitely not my color. Wasn't that a great way to celebrate my anniversary?



*By the way thanks for all the good wishes!!!! I can't wait to get caught up with everyone. I'll tell what happened soon.

Mini Hiatus

I won't be posting or blogvisiting for a couple days. I can't right now, I'm too emotional. I'll tell all about 'it' later. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.....


My tenth wedding anniversary is on the 7th YAY!

Coffee talk

I quit drinking coffee yesterday. Today, I changed my mind. It was just a case of temporary insanity. Discuss amongst your selves.......

I turned into my own mom 3 weeks ago

But only for a minute. We went out to a club with some friends. This club had two rooms; a hiphop room and an 80s room. For dancing I always prefer the hiphop room but it's never 'the cool people section.' For some reason, and this is in every club I've ever been in, the 80s room is always 'the cool people section.' So of course, the people we were with wanted to be in there. I love 80s music as I love all kinds of music but I guess because I was a kid during the 80s, it's hard for me to feel like I'm really in 'the cool people section.' This is because it's impossible for me to listen to 80s music without the image of George Micheal bouncing around in those daisy dukes. Don't get me wrong, I adored him. I remember my little 11 year old self sitting in my best friend's living room eating oreos and giggling whenever that song came on MTV.(back when MTV actually played videos, remember? good times) I had such a crush and dammit I'll admit it! My older brother used to tease about it and say,"What the hell is wrong with you? He's not interested in girls, check out those shorts, do you need any more proof than that?"

I thought he was an idiot and that there was no possible reason on Earth that this man wouldn't eventually fall in love with me, but that's another story. Back to the club: I needed to use the bathroom. I'm not the sort of girl that always has to have another girl with me just to go to the bathroom. So I went alone. I had to pass through the hiphop room. I was jealous of all the people in there dancing and having a good time. Because I was stuck in the lame 'cool people section' where no one was really dancing,"Come On Eileen" was blasting, and all the people were drunkstupid(not drunkfun). Hiphop is supposed to be so sexy and kind of macho and coooool, you guys know. So I go to the bathroom and when I came out they were playing a song that I knew and liked so I walked slowly just so I could listen some and sort of dance my way out(back to the lame room). Apparently I hadn't heard this version of the song, it must be the version that's not allowed on the radio. I took a deep breathe, put my hands on my hips, and said outloud,"This song is DIRTY!!!! I can't believe my ears." I was looking at the girls and thinking, "How can you be dancing to this? These lyrics are degrading!" I almost forgot where I was. And then I snapped out of it because I remembered listening to worse lyrics and rolling my eyes at my mom when she said the same thing. Good thing no one was there to see. I put my hands down and joined the rest of my group so I could watch them all make fools of themselves to the tune of The GoGos. (Remember I said I took pictures? I want to post them so bad but I'm using them for blackmail. The price of me not posting them are still under negotiation. Need some extra money? Just do what I do: don't drink and bring your camera.)




*He wasn't the only one I had a crush on. Johnny Depp was my first love. And River Phoenix. Since George has boyfriend and River passed away, there might be some hope left for Johnny. But I'm married now so he's just going to have to understand that and get over me already.....

This picture has nothing to do with this post

But I like it. Doesn't she have great legs? Actually maybe there is a relation to my topic.

I learned a valuable lesson this morning. I thought I should share it in case this happens to anyone else. It is this: It's probably not a good idea to prance around all day in pink high-heels the day after you fall on your ass down the stairs. That makes your injured leg very angry. You may think that pink high-heel sandals look better than comfy, old, brown, raggedy flip-flops with your outfit but just don't do it. You will wake up the next day and your injured leg muscles will feel like they are on fire every time you move. You'll have to walk up and down the very stairs you fell on using only the other leg, crying with every step while everyone in your neighborhood will see you on their way out the door and think you're an idiot who can't even climb stairs properly. You'll have to walk your dog that way-gimping all over the place. So instead of having a perfectly good leg that healed quickly because you were smart and wore comfortable shoes, you'll have a leg that doesn't work, feels worse, and is angry at you for choosing fashion over comfort. Then you will have a pity party for yourself on your blog only no one will feel sorry for you because they are tired of hearing about your damn leg. And all the giddiness you feel about your new haircut and color will fly out the window.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall....

I fell down the stairs yesterday. Don't feel sorry for me though, it sounds more dramatic that it actually was. I didn't roll while making that helpless face and stay in a coma for weeks only to wake up and find my husband married to my cousin's housekeeper like they do on soap operas. Basically I slipped and fell on my behind while walking down the stairs. So I didn't really hurt myself except I did bruise my elbow when I hit it on the rail trying to grab something. And I have crampy, sore legs. So I guess you can feel sorry for me if you want to for a few minutes. It's not going to cancel out my hair appointment, that's for sure.





*Humpty Dumpty in no way refers to feelings about my weight-just my fall. I don't want to be one of those annoying,"I feel fat" skinny people who weigh less than a potato chip.....I can't stand that.

The Beach, Varmints and the like

Can you spot one in this tree? 50 points if you can :o)


This is my favorite time of year! Yes, just last week I was warming my footsies by the fire and today the windows are open for maximum bird singing volume. It happens just like that, overnight and Spring is banging down the door! March truly comes in like a lion 'round these parts and this year, she's early. The breeze is loud and fresh from the sea, just a stone's throw away and the smell of jasmine fills my home(I buy Claratin in bulk). Azaleas bloom in their gaudiest fuchsia attire.
I listen every night for the frog, toad and crickets choir but it's still too early and not quite hot enough. I've spotted two bald eagles already in the past couple weeks and there are ospreys constantly flying overheard clutching fish. And dammit, I never have the luck to have my new camera handy when this happens! I'm going to have to start keeping it in my pocket all the time.
I have some huge feathers I found last year and I haven't figured out a good art project to include them in(suggestions welcomed). They are all over the place. I have yet to encounter the juvenile alligator, who, I saw last year, all summer lounging near the pool, no joke! There's a lake near the pool which separates my neighborhood from a shishifoo golf course and Mr.Alligator sunned himself on that side, the mossy bank closest to the pool, probably trying to get a view of all the bikini action. I have a feeling he might have been relocated. He was pretty small but large enough to scare the sugar out of me. Strangely, I'll miss seeing him.
I wish I had a bird feeder. This is the first place I've ever lived where it was impossible to put one out. I want to get a window feeder, if I can remember next time I'm at the hardware store. I have a sort of awe for cardinals. My Grandmother loved them so much and I can't see or hear one with out thinking of her. I am the worst person on Earth in the morning so my long morning walks with Peanut are the best way to start a day. The little birds around here make 'electronic' sounding songs. The squirrels ignore us as they bounce about, digging here and there. Peanut wants to eat them. Actually there's one who lives near the pool that has learned how beg and steal food-that's him up there. I made friends with him last Spring. Snakes are all over the place too(eek). Sometimes I think they exist just to freak me out and get in fights with Peanut. I found a mini turtle last year by the lake who was stuck in some tall grass. Right after I took this picture he stuck his little head out and tried to bite me. I forgave him for not wanting to be my friend and put him down close to the water where I think he was trying to go.
There's a secret beach I can't wait to ride my bike to where there are shark teeth galore. Sharks! Their eggs wash up onto the shore so I'm scared to death of swimming there. MrPea isn't.
He surfs there too. Usually, I just have a picnic or a book when I go by myself.
The birds of prey don't even bother to fly away with their catch, they land right there on the shore and dig in, I love it. I'm still not officially allowed to ride my bike for just a couple more weeks(the damn anemia dammit!) but I can't wait because I don't want to miss the dolphins. I can see them all year long here but in April and May they migrate back to the north. You can see hundreds upon hundreds of them and you can see from the size of the fins, the babies!!! I heard my brother, who is I swear, MrCaptainSwimTeam, once say you can hear them if you swim out far enough. I'm not a good enough swimmer, plus I'm scared to death of sharks so I'll take his word for it.
I LOVE the hot, humid summer and flipflops and summer dresses and loud, angry, afternoon thunderstorms but this is my favorite, happiest time of year....sick or not! I intend not to waste a millisecond of it and enjoy it.


*I've been reading CrossCreek again, for the millionth gazillionth time can you tell? Most of these pictures were taken last year with my cell phone and I can't wait to take some good ones with my new camera. Keep your fingers crossed for me so I can get on my bike and ride to the secret beach again! When summer is here I'll be bragging about how summer is my favorite. I do that every season.

Procrastinatin' and Slackin' Off

As I mentioned yesterday, my house needs some help. This is supposed to be my own nook for me to paint and create priceless masterpieces. So far it's just a pile of crap that gets in the way of Peanut's sunbathing. It's actually a really nice area that I had to bully my husband into letting me have. He thought we should put the computer desk there-I disagreed. I said I needed the lighting and view for my inspiration. I have an easel I stored in my parents' attic while I was in Canada and I keep telling myself,"I'll go get it this weekend." Do you see an easel here? I will go get it....I will go get it.....today....pinky promise.
I also keep telling myself," I'll get to organizing so I can start painting again today." But, see, the problem is the computer is in the same room. I come in here with the full intention of getting it together. But it beckons to me, it says in it's little voice,""Angel!Angel!Check your email, don't forget your blog,you should read all the interesting things everyone in your cool people section wrote while you were out,check out these shoes you should buy, read the news, there's some really cool viddys on youtube and by the way isn't there a song you wanted for your ipod ???Comeeeer hunneeee, just for a minute....I missed you....yay together you and me...la la la la luvyou"
I ended up spending this afternoon downloading a bunch of disco songs (hot-hot-hot-hot-stuuuuff plus she's a superfreak-superfeak-she's superfreakay-- yow!) and making up playlists for all my activities(disco is for my work outs). I will get to it! I will-I always do, but right now, I'm thinking I need some more reggae for my ipod because summer is coming........yeah!

salt and pepper shakers and all that stuff

I think I should go back to college. Then at least I can have an excuse for living in a college kid's apartment.



I used to be a little enthusiastic about home decorating-HA! The dot-com boom/burn sucked that right out of me. We moved about 9 times in 6 years for my husband's job during the boom(or what we like to refer to as the Golden Age). And 4 times when it was over. It was fun for about 5 minutes. Now, I'm afraid of boxes and just the word relocate can put me into the crazy lane. Now that we're sort of(hopefully-knock on wood) feeling stable I'm beginning to realize how sparse it is around here. I have a hard time "making pretty" for a home I know I'm going to live in for a year at most. Come to think of it, we've been in this home for a little over a year now and that's the longest we've ever lived in the same place since we met. I've tried to keep our 'things' to a minimum and every time we move, we get rid of tons of stuff. So at 30, I'm looking at my home and it's like looking at a college student's apartment. All the 'stuff' that normal people have won't be found in this house. The most grown up thing I have in my home is the damn coffee maker. And I'm trying to have a home that looks like grown ups live in and I sort of don't know where to begin. I don't even have any salt and pepper shakers because the nice ones I had were lost during the last move and I hate to just buy something I don't really like all that much just because I don't have them(there's a run on sentence for ya). I go to the store and I hate everything-I think I might be looking for something that doesn't exist. I just last month bought some kitchen towels and (gasp) an actual comforter and set of blankets that won't exfoliate me to death. Is it hard to believe in the 10 years(almost) I've been married I'm just now getting domestic? It is for me because I used to be so good at all that. Now, I think about hanging up curtains and candle sconces and I want to gag.

Best Comeback Ever

When I was 5, Neenee and I made up a really good comeback to say when someone has said something mean or idiotic. I , personally, have never had the chance to use it on anyone other than my sis or my husband but I look forward to using it one of these precious days. I've decided to share it with the world for the sake of everyone out there who's been insulted, then got mad at themself because they thought of something good to say after the fact. Feel free to use it-it is my gift. If Person A says something rude like, you look like crap today, Person B's response is:

Don't act wise, Bubble-eyes! Cut you down to Peanut-size!




*This has nothing to do with my dog, Peanut, whom, I didn't know then and everyone knows the high esteem in which I hold him.

House Rules

House members who enjoy rolling and rubbing themselves on the dead bodies of squirrels are required to bathe.

With soap.


And are subjected to drying off with girlish, daisy beach towel for further embarrassment as punishment.

Cabin Fever-sort of

Winter here is, thankfully, damn near OVAH! I'm looking forward to putting the thick socks and long sleeves away and breaking out the flipflops and short shorts. I'm tougher than I used to be in waiting out the last couple weeks of winter. Especially since spending a looooong winter in Canada a couple years ago. I came really close to having a complete breakdown on Easter that year, but that's a story for another day. Ever since then, I made a promise to myself never to complain about being cold and I sort of broke it the other day but only for a minute.

I've been bitching about my health lately and I'm not doing that now, I promise but the subject I do want to bitch about is related-kind of. So here's the thing-and it doesn't really bother me that much-but it happens every single day. I live amongst a lot of retirees and people of all ages who've moved here from places like New Jersey or New York, Michigan, Illinois,Ohio- basically cold and wintry places. I'm proud to share my town and my home state-I don't blame them, if I lived somewhere else, I'd want to move here too. Here's where my health comes into play-I have no temperature control since my thyroid was removed. I'm cold all the damn time. Then sometimes I'll get hot for no reason. But I'm pretty much freezing if the temperature drops below 70. I walk my dog at least 4 times a day. It's good exercise for the both of us and I'm still having a hard time recovering so it's good for me to be able to get outside because I get antsy sitting at home all the time, convalescing. I have to wear gloves, scarf and a hat because I can't tolerate the cold-being cold makes it hard for me to breathe and the last thing I need right now is to catch a flu. The people around here look at me like I'm a damn insane asylum escapee because I'm cold. Ok I get it-you're from where it's really cold so you can walk around in shorts and t-shirts and I'm the village idiot walking around with ear muffs! You're in the cool people section because you're from a real city with real seasons and I'm the wimpy, scarf toting, hood wearing bumpkin-happy now?
Like I said it doesn't ruin my existence but it's everyday. I've been trying to snap pictures of them but I'm not sure how to do it on the sly. Some of them already think I'm a complete fool because I once tripped and fell into the lake in front of the senior citizens' bus(that was so embarassing) but again, that's a story for another day.

On a more serious note

I just finished reading the book 'Freakonomics'. When I get to the end of a book I enjoyed reading I always ask myself(Oprah would be so proud), what did I get out of it-how did this book enhance my life? Here's what I got out of it: In the 90s, a survey was taken on the names given to babies born in the state of California(because of Arnold-I can't say the word California anymore without using his accent). Apparently, if I remember correctly, my name(Angel) was the number one name given to daughters born to low-income, low educated parents and , sadly,would likely grow up to be low-income and low educated women. There was a whole chapter about names and the significance and popularity of them. That was the most interesting part of the book. There was also something in there about sumo wrestlers and teachers who cheat. I'm always the last to read a book because I get most of mine at the library.
I just checked out that book 'Words Words Words' by David Crystal. Can you guess what it's about? I'm only on the 11th page but so far it's really interesting. It sounds so nerdy which is why I like it so much.

General Observations by the Little Pea

Remember those Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey moments on Saturday Night Live from the 90s? I had a moment like that a few minutes ago and felt the urge to share...

Have you ever noticed that the lead guitarist in every band always gets dry-humped by the singer during solos? This always happens whether or not either person is a man or a woman. Doesn't the drummer or back up singer need love too? Just thought I'd put that out there...




(Little Pea is a nickname my husband gave me by the way-he's 6'2, I'm 4'11 so you can imagine all the nicnames I have. Mouse, Bunny, Shrimpee, Sweetpea-Littlepea-all that stuff. )

Damn Winter Cold

Unless there's a damn alien invasion, these booties are staying put!

Stooopidface

The other day I was at the grocery store. At the check-out line there was a tired looking woman in front of me with her son. He had a cutie angelic face, as all kindergarten-aged kids do and he really did not like standing in line. He kept calling her stupid-face and this poor woman looked like she was about to lose it. I remember being little and impatient about being in line with my mom but I don't remember ever feeling comfortable enough to call my mom a stupidface. The poor woman was so nice too- she kept saying softly,"Sweetie, mommy doesn't like those kinds of names. It's not nice and it hurts my feelings." Finally, she got a little mad and said in a 'I-mean-it' voice,"I really wish you would stop calling me that and behave or you'll get a spanking in the car." This little boy looked at her with his sweet little face and screamed,"I WISH YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND GO TO HELL!" I was expecting the walls to fall down but she didn't even blink. She took her cart and they calmly walked out of the store. He won. I felt sorry for her.

I can't even think of anything else to say about that.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Well at least for another couple hours! I was too early for my doctor appointment today so we went to the beach for a few minutes. It was such a beautiful day.



I decided to wear something really special for V-Day. Alluring. Sexy. Seductive...
MrPea couldn't take his eyes off me-he likes the She-Unibomber look. I was so dern cold in the restaurant I had to cover my ears lest I freeze to death. We didn't do gifts--I'm not a "you didn't buy me a gift-you bastard!" kind of wife. I'm planning on buying some really ridiculously priced shoes in the next couple weeks anyway and tomorrow I'm making a pineapple-upside-down-cake. He'll eat the whole thing over the next few days by himself. The way to my husband's heart truly is with sugary foods. He never gains a pound either.

I don't really have anything new to add-there are some weird complications regarding my cancer follow-up but nothing to be scared about. I'm optimistic-just impatient. I feel a lot better after seeing my doc today-she's like a pit bull. I don't think I'll need another surgery-knock on freakin wood(I'm trying to stop swearing it's so bad)!
Anyway I hope everyone had a good day today. Thanks again you guys for all the good wishes!