Monday, March 19, 2007

I've turned into a bully

My husband is in excellent shape. He's been blessed with a metabolism that allows him to eat from sun up to sun down without gaining a pound. He has the physique of a basketball player, tall and lean. Lately he's been trying to exercise since beyond surfing when the waves are big enough, he doesn't exercise at all. He assigned me as his personal trainer since I've always been the fitness girl in the family. I didn't want this job and tried everything I could to weasel out of it but, he made me promise I would use whatever means necessary to get him motivated to work out at least 4 times a week. If you knew me in person, you would know that I am not an 'in your face' sort of girl. I have a temper as does everyone else but for the most part, I'm usually a very 'soft' person with a bit of 'smartass on the side'. I've found, though, that 'soft Angel' doesn't work when trying to fulfill my promise.

These statements don't work:

"Did you want to work out today or not sweetie?"

"Are you ready to exercise or do you want to wait til after dinner?

"Come on, let's go. Are you ready now?"

"Sweetie, you said you wanted to exercise more. Did you change your mind?"

I have to become 'bully Angel' to get him motivated and use all sorts of angles. This is what works:

Guilt trip: "That watching tv crap is just laziness, move your ass!"
"Do you want to go exercise? Or do you want a donut, your choice!"

Question his dedication:
-"If you were hardcore, you would have done 50 instead of 30. But, you're not hardcore."
Him-"Do you think I should do 50 then? Is that what you're saying?"
Me- "Well I shouldn't have to tell you to do 50, like I said, if you were hardcore, you would know and just do 50 on your own, without me having to tell you. But we both already know that you're not so don't bother."

Question his manhood: "Oh you don't feel like working out today? Are you a man or are you a little boy? Because a man would get up, turn the tv off, and get his ass to the fitness room."
"Oh that hurts? Please! My tiny sister had three babies and doesn't complain about the pain half as much as you do about these damn abs ok? SO I don't want to hear, ooohh it hurts."
"That's all you're going to do? I can do more than that with my eyes closed....and I'm a 4foot 11inch girrrrl...."

Appeal to his vanity: "You look like a mushroom over there, get up and go work out!"
"Do you want to be flabby? No? Because I thought you did...."
"You should worry less about your hair and more about getting your ass to the fitness room."

OK in my defense, this is all his fault anyway because I didn't want this job in the first place but then I'll get blamed when he feels guilty about not working out. This is so opposite of my personality and I don't even mean a word of it. I like him just the way he is and I could care less whether he's in rockhard, perfect shape or not as long as he's healthy. And anyway, all he has to do is say, "I give up I don't want you as my trainer anymore." If you were to ask him, he would say he doesn't regret assigning me as his trainer......yah...he better say that or he knows what'll happen.....


Shanshu said...

I think bully motivation is an excellent way to approach things. Me and my gf have a nice system in place, in which we make the other person feel like crap.

For example, if she wants to eat something fatty I'm allowed to say something like "You really shouldn't eat'll get fat and then your pants won't fit anymore"


If I don't feel like going to the gym, she says something like "That's ok if you don't go to the gym. Once you get out of shape I can dump you for a guy who actually HAS muscles."

See? It works.


super des said...

ha ha ha.

Sometimes it's fun to be opposite, right?

Just don't let it go to your head!

Thailand Gal said...

Jeez, the power, eh? :)

If I knew the best motivation, I wouldn't be sitting here on my oversized ass, writing comments on blogs.




Laurie said...

You are too funny!!

MsLittlePea said...

Heehee! But you know what guys? He doesn't need to exersize at all. He is in really great shape. Sure he could do it just for the sake of getting healthy but he's already really lean and fairly healthy and doesn't need to....we don't eat a lot of fatty foods or sit around all day...maybe I'm just hoping he'll get sick of it so I can focus on other things. Like baking pies or something....

Jay said...

I think you have a hidden talent here.

But I still say: curses to boys who can eat what they want.

hel said...

Mmm, I also think you missed your calling.

Your words bring to mind the meanest martial arts instructor I ever had.

Courtney said...

Have you ever considered a turn in the military? Dan read your post and said you remind him of a boot camp instructor he once had. :O

MsLittlePea said...

You know Courtney I AM looking for a new career choice right now. I truly am...maybe I should look into that!

That's one clever little Yvonne said...

Sex can be counted as excersize. Just thought I'd throw that out there. My browser used to do spellcheck while I typed but apparently not anymore. I'm guessing some of this is spelled wrong. My apologies.

MsLittlePea said...

Good cardio.