Snake!

Psychoman better watch out!

I finally got some pepper spray. I've been needing to get it for a long time now. I have to admit, and I've mentioned this before, I'm pretty paranoid. I always think everyone is a psychoman in disguise just waiting to kidnap me circa Silence of the Lambs and try to make an 'Angel suit.' I saw that movie when I was 15 and it ruined any sense of security I ever had. If Peanut and I are walking and I see someone walking towards me, I usually cross the road and walk on the other side, just in case it's psychoman. But one can never be too careful because, you know, psychoman can be hiding in the bushes. One morining when I was 19, I was out walking my pup in a beautiful and quiet neighborhood. There was a psychoman waiting for me crouched over on someone's driveway rubbing, um, himself on the asphalt. I called the police but they never found him. Doesn't matter though, psychoman is everywhere waiting for the right opportunity. Another time I was at a book store when I noticed a psychoman standing behind me trying to take a picture of my underwear with his cell phone. I screamed some serious profanities at him loud enough to make him run out of the store and into his psychovan. Then there was that psychoman incident at the pool. Not to mention another psychoman incident at Big Lots a couple months ago. I never told ya'll about that did I? Well I was checking out some picture frames when I noticed a man who, actually at first, I thought was my dad. I was just about to say hello but realized it wasn't my dad, it was a total stranger. He must have thought I was checking him out or something because he started talking to me. He asked me where I was from. I was polite but not friendly. I answered but then said I didn't have time to talk to anyone. He started making really creepy comments about how nice he thought my legs were. Again, polite, I said,"oh. ok. Have a good day." Then he kept following me and asked if my tan was natural and did I have tan lines and what kind of bathing suit do I have and do I have my bathing suit on underneath my clothes. I said, "ok, I'm sorry, this is creeping me out now. I really don't want to talk to you." He said,"ok nice talking to you." I thought that encounter was over. I was wrong. He kept passing by whatever aisle I was in. I got irritated and just decided to pay for my things and leave. Couldn't leave. Guess why. Yep, psychoman was standing near the exit watching. I pretended to look at vacuums just to see if I was correct for starting to get freaked out. I was. He started looking at vacuums too. So I just quickly walked out and got to my car as fast as I could. As I'm backing out, psychoman was standing in the middle of the damn parking lot watching me leave. When I told my friend Dee about it, she told me I should've called the police or at least told a store employee. She's right, but honestly I just wanted to leave, I was more irritated than scared. Every woman I know has a story like that and more than one so it's not like I think I'm special or that Psychoman just always picks me. This happens so frequently and it seems like we've all just accepted that it's a part of life. This makes me furious.

Don't think I'm sexist, psychoman doesn't nessesarily have to be man. A few months ago there were reports of some women going up to people asking what time it was and then hitting them in the face to snatch their purses at the grocery store where I shop.

Now I'm not saying that pepper spray is needed just because someone is bothering me at Big Lots, but I would have felt better knowing I had pepper spray in case psychoman tried to take it to the really scary level, like try to grab me. A close friend of mine got grabbed in a public bathroom at a department store. Luckily, she was strong and fought him off. Of course the police were called but he was long gone by the time they arrived.
SO now that I have my pepper spray I feel a little safer going on walks or jogging because if psychoman is hiding in the bushes I got something for him. Don't try it Psychoman. ok? Cuz Little Pea don't play.

I don't need to get on a soap box and tell ya'll to always protect yourself. I mean you guys out there too. Always trust your instincts and let's put that, "oh I don't want to be impolite" way of thinking behind us. Psychoman never attacked anyone because they were impolite. ( I got that tip from watching Oprah)

Got a creepy psychoman story? Leave me a comment so we can commiserate.....

Lounge Lizard

Pure Laziness. I offer no excuses for why I've been posting so little and visiting even less. What can I say, life is blissfully boring right now. Summer.

Ok in my defense I had such a crappy January, February and most of March with all those health issues. Then my in-laws came in April and I had to speak/comprehend French all the time with my tiny vocabulary, not to mention my poor mother-in-law's emergency surgery. So for the past few weeks I've been filling my mind with much needed 'nothingness'. And it's been wonderful.

Another thing I've been trying to do is get back into an exercise routine. Because of my crappysick winter and the fact that I was stuffing my face when my in-laws were visiting, I put on a few pounds. I only admit exactly how much to my sister. It's not so much the number that bothers me because I'm not really trying to lose weight(however, and small people chime in here, when you're 4'11",an extra 10 pounds might as well be 20) but I just want to be healthy. Strolling on the beach looking for shark teeth is only a workout for my eyes.

Last weekend I went to the pharmacy to get a passport picture taken. My last passport photo was AWFUL just AWFUL. So this time I was ready. Make up, perfect. Hair, check! The poor girl couldn't figure out how to use the camera. She said she couldn't make it zoom so she had to take it from up close. Suddenly about 5 people walked up and started asking her for stuff. She got flustered and confused. So guess who also got flustered and confused thus making a flustered and confused face for the picture? Should I just go ahead and pay the 6 bucks for a new one dammit? Just go to your bathroom mirror and imagine having to solve a difficult math problem. Are you making a face? That's my picture.

Random thing I noticed about the fitness room in my neighborhood

-There are pictures on the wall with directions about how to use some of the equipment . The problem is, the sort of equipment illustrated does not exist in our fitness room . So I'm not really sure what purpose those pictures serve.

-There are just 'guy' machines. Like upper body strength training stuff. Don't men have hips, abs, and thighs too? According to the association in charge of buying the machines, they don't. Sorry guys.

-The funky smell. 'Nuff said.

Do Sharks Get Cavities?

I never get a Thanks

When someone does something really stupid and then gets hurt as a result of that stupid something, I usually have a hard time feeling sorry. Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry but my pity comes more from the fact that that person is so stupid than the fact that he/she got hurt. Call me a bitch, I guess.

I save the softest part of my heart for children and pets of stupid people. Those are the ones I feel the sorriest for. I could never sit back and let something bad happen to a child or helpless animal because of her parent's/owner's stupidity. I actually saved a child's life once and instead of thanking me his STUPID mother was mean to me. A long time ago I was in a laundromat waiting for my clothes to dry. A woman came in with a little boy who was about 2 or 3. There was a front and back door and the front door was facing a tiny parking lot and very busy street. I was sitting next to the front door reading a book and mentally babysitting this child because he was playing with some mini METAL cars next to some ELECTRICAL OUTLETS. I also want to add that she was dressed fairly nice but for whatever reason decided not to put any clothes except a diaper on her kid, and he had no shoes or socks on, even though it was 60 degrees outside. I also want to add that she had perfect makeup on, but didn't think wiping the ketchup from her son's face was a good idea. After about 5 minutes, the mother decided to go to the back door to smoke and flirt with a man who was repairing the screen who made a nasty comment about my legs just ten minutes before. No she did not bring her little boy with her. She just left him there with me, a PERFECT STRANGER. I assumed she was watching him from where she was-a big assumption. He kept calling,"Momma! Momma!" After a minute he just ran out the front door into the parking lot towards the street. Without even looking to see if his mother was coming I ran out after him just in time to grab him before he reached the street. When I brought him to his mother, she hadn't even noticed what the hell had just happened and was still there puffing away. When I told her what happened and handed her her little boy she said nothing for a few seconds a gave me the dirtiest, bitchiest look and said,"I thought he was with you!" I wanted to slap her, there I was freaking out, my heart beating a thousand times a minute and she's pissed off at me like it's my fault. Ok this was almost ten years ago and I still can't come up with a response to that. Why the hell I was non-verbally assigned to babysit for someone I'd never met in my life for free, I don't know. I didn't even say anything, I just went back to my book. Because of this I have bad feelings towards laundromats and we've never again lived in a place that didn't have a washer and dryer. OK and before any parents go and tell me about kids and how fast they are even under the strictest surveillance, I have 6 nephews ok. 6. I can garan-damn-tee that neither of my sisters, one of whom still smokes, have never been interested in hanging out at the back door of a laundromat flirting with a trashy guy thinking everything was fine because a PERFECT STRANGER was watching her kid.

Well this happened to me AGAIN. TODAY! Mr.Pea and I were eating lunch at a restaurant on their outdoor patio. A couple brought their dog and tied him to a chair. They both went inside to order. Why they tied him to a chair under the HOTDAMN 90 degree Florida sun with no shade and both needed to go inside, I don't know. Especially since they both looked like intelligent people. The poor lab was obviously trying to be a good boy since they told him to stay but was so hot and wanted to lay down about 2 more feet away under a tree. I went over to move the chair for him after a couple minutes because I couldn't take it anymore. Suddenly the guy comes out and says,"What's going on?" Like I'm trying to steal or something. I said, "He was trying to pull the chair to lay down in the shade so I was moving it." He looked at me like I was trying to murder someone. I said,"I'm not trying to steal him or anything." I was trying to make him laugh since apparently I must look like a criminal up to no good. I thought he would get it and say, oh ok thanks. He just said in a mean voice," Yeah well, we're all hot. Come here boy, it's ok."

F- YOU! Ok I didn't say that but I wanted to. I did however, smirk, when the dog walked to the shade on his own and laid down wagging his tail and looking at me. poor dog. At that point, I would have stole him, if I could have, just so he wouldn't have to have such a jerk for an owner.

 

Tuesday Confession:

I'm back on the coffee again. Dammit. I did my best. I'm not blaming anyone or saying I fell off the no coffee wagon because of some French people that came to visit who drink coffee like the Earth is about to fall out of the Universe. And I'm not going to mention that if not for the fact that I had lived with them for a year, I never would've have started drinking coffee in the first place. I also won't mention that it was such a damn cold winter in Canada and whenever I would come inside from walking Peanut outside in the subzero temperature to a coffee aroma filled kitchen and my MIL asking in her sweet way if I'd like to have some that I couldn't help it, because until then I never even drank coffee. Ok so I said it then. Not in a blaming way but...I'm just saying..... I need to try to quit again soon. And I will cuz it's May now and it's about to start getting HOTDAMN outside. It's just that.... before they left, they bought a really big cannister of some really good coffee and I don't like to waste. Does coffee go bad if you don't drink it? Is there any hope for me at all?

How is it that when I decided to quit smoking I never had a problem, it was so easy? I put the damn cigarettes in a drawer and played this mental game with myself. I would tell myself,"No, I'm not quitting forever, I'm just keeping them in this drawer and choosing not to smoke today." I told myself that everyday and it worked. After about 2 months I was able to throw those cigarettes in the garbage and never looked back. Today I smell cigarettes and get grossed out. I think they're disgusting, I don't even want to be near them. I can't imagine smelling fresh coffee and getting grossed out no matter how hard I try. I think coffee might be a tool of the devil. If you don't believe me just look at Starbucks....ok?

I love and hate Starbucks.

I'm going to try to 'detox' this week. It's not going to be pretty.

Back in the swing of things

I needed a few days of 'nothing' for my body and brain so now I'm ready to get caught up with you, my peeps. Everything went well as far as my MIL's recovery and her doc gave her the ok to fly home so they left Friday. I'm of course more than a little sad but I'm going to try to get up there by the end of this summer for a visit if I can get a decent priced ticket. My house is too damn quiet now and I'm still trying to 'switch back to English' in my mind. I'm also watching the tides so I can get out to my beach since I haven't been there in forever.

Speaking of beach. Oh gosh. Over the weekend I finally broke down and went bathing suit shopping. This is a torture no woman should have to go through. I wish perfectly fitting bathing suits just fell down from the heavens with magic mirrors, that's all I feel like saying. I'm not the first one to say this. I don't care how perfect a woman's figure is, no one over 15 wants to look at her self in a bikini under those horrible lights. My advice is to go with your boyfriend or husband/ significant other, who's either A) already super in love with you and thinks you look cute in everything or B) been with you long enough to just automatically tell you look totally hot if he wants to avoid sleeping on the floor. But please don't fill my comments with how I shouldn't have a bad body image because I don't. Does this mean I think I look like crap? No. It just means I hate bathing suit shopping. Just not more than I like to eat....