Just for the record Medical Random

-I went to get some blood work done today for the hundred-and-eleventieth damn time. And I just feel like saying in brief bitch mode: I'm sick of needles. I'm sick of doctors' offices. I hate the 'art work' in just about every doctor's waiting room I've ever been in, which has been a lot. I hate how cold it is in waiting rooms and that they always only have Golf magazines,which wouldn't bother me if I didn't hate golf. I hate that waiting room tvs are always tuned to old episodes of,"In the Heat of the Night." (I didn't even know that show was still playing in reruns. ) I hate when people are rough with my arm when taking blood and then look at me like I'm acting like a baby when I wince. I hate the fact that I never stick up for myself when this happens. Ok I'm done bitching. I only let myself do that for 2 minutes a day.

-By the way that didn't happen today. There is a guy who works there who always leaves bruises on my arm every time I get him. Today I got the gentle lady. She is always soft to me and I think it's because of the time I had to go in for blood work two days after my surgery. I had just came home from the hospital the night before and was so obviously not feeling well. I was taking a lot of pain meds and anxiety meds because of all the shit I'd been through(I still never told ya'll about how mean the nurses in the hospital were to me did I?) so I was pret-ty emotional and really couldn't walk much without help. I never cry in front of people I don't know. Ne-ver. But I was so damn not well, when she stuck me with the needle, I started to cry. I was so embarrassed. I sort of passed out in the waiting room on the way out afterwards too. I felt like such a jackass. But ever since then, she always says to me, "I remember you. I had you that day you weren't doing so good. Felt so bad for you dear. We'll try not to hurt you so bad this time. " She reminds me of my Grandma. She has no idea how thankful I am that people like her exist on this Earth.

-I have a couple scary medical things coming up any day now. I'm just waiting for them to call me with my appointment. I try not to be a baby about it but I can't help it. I'm scared of all that stuff. No matter how many times I'm told I'll be fine, there's nothing anyone can ever say to me that makes me feel any better. For 30 years I was able to depend on my body-engine without question and then one day I woke up and one of my parts was broken.
A local news anchor announced a recurrence of cancer. Even though, it's not the same as the one I had, worse and more deadly than the one I had, I got scared. I kept thinking, is this going to happen to me? Am I going to be ok for a while and then get hit in the head with this again and again? I hope not. I'm tired of putting on a brave and happy face all the time. Tired of it.

-Peanut had a, ahem, medical procedure today too. His vet took his temperature and he was so good. His new medicine seems to be working(KNOCK ON WOOD!) so I'm happy about that right now. I was so worried about him. His birthday is on Dec.11 and he'll be 10 years old. I'm not going to have a dog party for him but I want to do something special. Maybe buy him a new bed for one of his hiding spots and take him to the dog park.