Tuesday Confession

I have been eating chocolate covered popcorn nonstop for 5 days now. Yesterday I ran an extra half mile just so I could eat a bigger chunk of chocolate covered popcorn when I got home. I hate sweets but I do this every winter with the chocolate. Why?


Last week I had a Doctor appointment. I got bullied into agreeing to having a body scan this January. Well I wasn't really bullied, she just told me that this would be a yearly thing until every body scan in a row for 3 years showed up clean. This means I could possibly have another radioiodine situation which depresses me just thinking about because of how badly it was all coordinated last year. I talked with her about how angry I still was about all the scheduling problems, the no return my phone calls, the letting me know about my appointment the day before, making appointments without asking me first, me being off my meds for 6 weeks instead of the 2 that I was promised which resulted in my being extremely and unnecessarily ill and sore for a month and a half, etc etc. She said she'll give me her cell phone number so that if this happens I can reach her directly but I have a feeling it will all be the same story. Everyone gets treated this way by their healthcare providers when we have a for-profit-system so I don't see why I would get any better treatment just because I'm bitching about it now. Plus even she knows it's a possibility otherwise, why would she try to make me feel better by giving me her number. I have a feeling it won't come to that though. I mean, I've had radiation twice. Most people with my problem only need it once. I'm preparing for the worst though because my tumor was the size of a friggin banana. That way I won't be disappointed if they still find some left over cancer cells. I told her I wanted to get it all done ASAP so I could get it over with. She said January, which I'm wondering if it really means February since that's when it all went down last time. If you were around back then, you'll remember I snuck in an old phone so I could post. What I didn't post was that they were working on the fire alarm system and it was going off every hour from 11pm until 6am. The food was puke on a plate and my view was a brick roof. I took so many showers and drank so much damn water, forcing myself to pee as much as I could(that brings your radioactive level to safer levels so you can go home), that's why I got out of there in 24 hours. I'm doing it in a different hospital this time. I wish you guys could have seen my room when I left. They tape paper on the floor and everything in the room except the bed and in the bathroom they use latex to cover anything that might be touched except for the shower. The water facets look like they are giving you the bird because they used latex gloves. It was a primary election day so I decided to write Barack! all over everything in the room. Every nurse that came in said," bay- rack? what's that honey?" At around 2am when I gave up on getting any sleep because the effing alarms were going off, I started writing stupid stuff like,"Help me help me. They told me I was a mental patient...I just thought I was Elvis...they are keeping me against my will. Can I have some Cheerios please?"Anyway, at least I'll be left alone until after Christmas....


BTW Did anyone watch Charlie Brown last night?