Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Bra Shopping

I've been a little sad since yesterday. I had to hug BFF and her daughter goodbye. We promised not to cry but I can never keep that promise. I purposely didn't go with them to the airport for that very reason. We've known each other since we were 8 so we are pretty close. I'll try to visit them this Spring if all is well for me health-wise. I can't think of anything funny or amusing to add to this paragraph.

To cheer myself up, I went shopping today. Bra shopping. Are you thinking that's the wrong thing to shop for to cheer one's self up? You'd be thinking correctly then. I hate those places. Yeah, put up a bunch of photos of women I'll never look like and use mannequins with bodies no Earthling is born with. Did I buy anything? Of course. Why? Because I share a first name with some of their bras and I can never resist something that has my name on it. Not because of vanity, mind you. It is to make up for the fact that when I was growing up I could never find anything with my name on it. All my other little friends had personalized pencils, erasers, and stickers. Not me. Of course that was back when everyone was named Jennifer, Lisa, Heather, John-- you know, normal names. I always thought people were so damn smug about being able to buy stuff with their name on it. Now of course I can find my name on stuff. I found a key chain with my name on it at Sea World last week. I wonder if people will continue with the whole "unique names" trend. Will they start selling key chains that say Apple on them? I sort of hope they do just so I can stop being so damn smug myself over a 3 dollar key chain.

Since I originally was talking about bra shopping and then got off subject I need to return to the hell that is lingerie shopping. I read somewhere that women in France spend a big percentage of their incomes on lingerie. Can someone tell me what kind of drugs they are on so that I can ask my doctor for them? Why does Victoria's SecretHell use the pinkest light they can find to accentuate every bump and fold on a woman's body? What woman wants to look at herself under those lights? And what is up with the kiddieporn clothing they call their "Pink" line. If I wanted to look like a ten year old I could just shop in the kid's section at Target and save 75%. Am I the only one who hates the fluorescent pink and yellow polkadots and stripes? I guess I'm just old and don't get it anymore. Last time I was there, the woman "helping" me said all my bras I wanted to try on were wrong , then felt me up and told me I was a different size. She told me to give her the ones I was holding and pulled out a drawer and put it in my dressing room and told me to try those ones instead. I thought," Oh how nice, she gave me a bunch of stretched bras everyone else with bigger boobs have already left their amoebas on for me. And all the bras are black, a color I never wear, thank you lady. Employee of the year." When I opened the door to tell her I tried on and hated everything in the drawer, she was gone. With all my bras I had originally picked out also gone. I was assuming she was switching out the sizes for me so when she came back I asked her where they were. She said she put them away. Great. I told her I can't really judge what bra is for me or not because I don't like black bras since I wear white a lot, plus these ones in the drawer are all stretched out. She told me they use black because it's neutral. Ok last time I checked,nude or beige was neutral so I told her I had picked out nude and white bras because THOSE WERE THE COLORS I WAS INTERESTED IN BUYING not black. She just gave me a blank look. At that point I had already been there for 45 minutes(with poor husband patiently waiting) and was so irritated I just left. This time I ignored the stupid drawer sales technique and thankfully, because I swear my bras are ancient it's been that long, I found a couple I liked. The thing is, I left thinking, "I should have just bought a new damn lipstick to cheer myself up instead of looking at myself under those pink lights all afternoon." BTW, as I suspected, the stupid sizing thing they did was wrong. I am NOT a ( bra size omitted for privacy/embarrassment)! I am a ( bra size omitted for privacy/embarrassment)! Oh and the bras I bought were the ones I had picked out myself the first time before genius sales lady "helped" me last time.

Ok and before anyone starts to feel sorry and the need to defend genius sales lady please don't. I was nice to her. It's just that I've worked in retail sales before. I wasn't pushy, I didn't have a "technique" , I left people alone. I was very good at it and I made a lot of money. How? By not taking items out of a customer's hands that she's obviously interested in and offering putrid germful things in undesirable colors to try on instead.


thailandchani said...

You remind me why I shop on-line. :)

marymurtz said...

I gave up on VS a long time ago. They don't build bras there for me. I go to the Vanity Fair outlet store and buy bras that fit because they're all I wear. Someday I will be able to buy bras with one snap in the back and petitie little straps, but not without surgical intervention.

The last time I tried to use Victoria's SecretHell, I asked for a minimizer bra. The little saleslady said "Um.....we have a Miracle Bra." You know, the pushup ones, that make you look like there's more, not less. I said "Honey, that is NOT the kind of miracle I'm looking for."

super des said...

I too covet things with my name on them. And I too despise the Pink line. I do like shopping at VS though because even though they are too expensive, they have some cute stuff and I'm a lucky perfectly averaged-sized bra wearer, so I can find what I need there.

And I didn't feel sorry for the saleslady... you treated her a lot better than I would have ;)

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

I've never been able to find anything with my name on it either. And I'm pretty sure my son has NO chance of ever finding anything with "Jacquai" on it.

I've always thought that the best money making technique clothing stores could use are to utilize flattering lighting. I mean, SERIOUSLY!!!! My bedside lamp, which leaves the room dark enough to hide all the cellulite and excess curves would be perfect.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I do a surgical strike thing at Victoria's Secret Parts because I loathe the entire process. If they ever stop making the one I wear, I don't know what I'll do because I don't have to try it on. I just choose my colors and pay for them.

What really galls me is that it's nearly impossible to find an UNpadded bra these days, and I am not a Pamela Anderson wannabe. Why would they even make C cups with padding? Plus, I would need a wheelbarrow to push them around.

Next time, go for the lipstick. Definitely.

Blondie said...

I just went bra shopping, too! I had a much better experience though. Try again when you are feeling floaty and are alone. It works better that way.