Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Letter to a loved one

Dear loved one who got angry and hung up on me this morning,
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I don't even know if you read here anymore or at all but I love you very much and pray every night for you and your children's health, safety and happiness. I'm not trying to be right, I'm trying to be honest with you. I sometimes feel like I am the only person in your life who loves you enough to BE honest with you and I'm NOT going to apologise for that. Everyone else just ignores it because they are afraid to have to deal with your temper. I told you that you were an angry person so in your rage(because I was SO WRONG), you screamed at me then hung up on me. I'm not going to go into how I don't deserve to be treated this way,blah,blah,blah. I don't even care about that. I'm so sorry that you have had a shitty time of life. I am. I was there too, I saw it all you know. But if you don't try to let go of all the anger and feelings of being the victim, you're going to bury yourself in it. You think I don't know you by now? I've known you all my life. I know that when you feel vulnerable, you use your anger to guard your broken heart so that no one can hurt you anymore. I know that besides me,T, and Neenee, the only people who ever truly loved you just as you are, are dead and gone. We mourned them just as much for your loss as we did ours. We loved them even more because of their love and hopes for you. But we're still here, hoping for you. You don't think it kills us to see you struggle this way? Stop being a victim. Stop blaming other people for your misfortunes. Take responsibility for your mistakes and bad decisions and let go of the shitty past. Own your part in this, nobody is innocent including you-including me! Letting go doesn't mean you're saying, it's ok what you guys did to me. It just means changing what's in your heart so you can give your children the best of yourself. It's about getting closure so that your anger will stop affecting your life. I have always been your advocate and always will be even if what I said to you means you will never speak to me again. Everything you say is true. EVERYTHING. You had every right to be pissed off all this time! You got the shittiest hand ever dealt. This doesn't mean you have to continue playing it though. We can't force those who hurt us to change but WE can change. It's not healthy to keep this sick cycle going. I'm not going to participate in it anymore. Stop it. These are the things everyone wants to say to you but doesn't. I'm not going to give you any more unasked for advice but I'm not going to lie to you either. I'm proud of you for all that you've been strong enough to get through. And I'm waiting for the 'you' that I know to come home.

9 comments:

Hel said...

I know this letter.

I have spoken these words in my head before.

I hope she hears you. And listens.

Jay said...

You have a strong soul.

Aimee said...

I just love you, littlepea. We all need someone like you in our lives!
::hugs::

MsLittlePea said...

Thanks you guys. I'm so worried about her.

Whiskeymarie said...

Hopefully she reads this and it eventually sinks in...
It's hard to be in the position you're in. I've been there too.

ellie bee said...

wow, can I copy and send this to a few people I know?
you are a great lady, little pea! This is one lucky person to have you in her life.

and for the record, I tagged you, so go visit and play along!

MsLittlePea said...

-I hope so too WhiskeyM. It sucks.


-Oh elliebee I know, I know. I thank you for the tag-I was so honored and happy when I saw. I've been lazy about tags lately. heartinsanfrancisco just tagged me for a meme too the other day. oops. Ok. I promise tonight I'll do it.

flutter said...

This only proves how much you DO love this person.

You are a wonderful soul

MsLittlePea said...

Thanks for all the support guys.