Friday, June 08, 2007

Why I hate talking on the phone

There's always that one person everyone calls when they feel bad. That person is always me. I feel good that people think of me and look to me for comfort when they're having a hard time. I want to be a comfort for anyone I love. But sometimes it becomes a drain. Especially when it's people who have so many unnecessary problems but don't do anything about it. Especially when it's someone who really doesn't have any problems but is just negative about every thing to the point where you don't even want to be around them. I start to feel like I'm being held hostage on the phone because I can't just say, ok sorry gotta go. Even though, and I feel guilty for admitting this, I don't want to have to sit there and listen for hours. I want to pull the phone out of the wall and throw my cell phone into the sea.



"Really? That's too bad."

"yeah and guess what else, problem, problem,problem, misery, misery."

"Oh. I'm so sorry about that. Have you tried...."

"No because problem,problem,problem...more misery."

"Well I wish things could be better for you."


"Is there something that can be done to solve any of this or at least make you feel better?"

"Well problem,problem,problem,problem,problem. Plus there's misery,misery,misery."

At this point I still care, but I'm sick of it because I don't call people for this. I call to say hi-How are you- I miss you-I love you, not to dump and dump and dump all the negativity in my life on anyone. I have problems too. And when I'm sad or need support I'll say so but I don't use people like emotional landfills. If this were just a once in a while thing, I wouldn't even be complaining about it. It's almost everyday. Like I don't have a life of my own or something else I'd like to be doing than sitting here on the phone listening to problem after problem after problem without even pause to ask how I am. I'm beginning to feel like everyone just thinks,"Oh Angel doesn't work, she has time for all this crap. I'll call her and torture her because no one else wants to hear it. She doesn't mind." I want to be there for a loved one in need. But I don't want to spend my life talking on the damn phone about problems. Saying all this would make me a selfish bitch. This can't be healthy for anyone.


super des said...

Some people are just like that - they want everyone else to feel bad because they do. But those people are the selfish ones.

If I call you, it will be to eat some ice cream together.

MsLittlePea said...

Thanks Des.

thailandchani said...

One of the things I learned a long time ago is that there is no point in sharing our misery with the world.

I wouldn't be good at those kinds of conversations. The truth is that I am very empathetic and want to help in any practical way I can ~ but not particularly sympathetic.

Just being someone else's garbage can isn't what I want to do.

And I don't think it's selfish. Not at all. We all offer different things to the world.

It could just be that offering that is something you no longer feel prepared to do.

It's certainly understandable!



flutter said...

It's tough to be the constant understanding ear, when sometimes you'd like to just have a fun conversation!

MsLittlePea said...

Chani-That's exactly how I begin to feel-like a garbage can. I want very much to help in any way I can or offer some kind of comfort-but when it never ends. Or when a person says, what should I do help me, so you offer that help but then she/he finds a way to say, Oh I can't do that because of such and such problem. There comes a time when we have a choice to continue the same cycle or change things. I'm ready for some change. I think I should begin to be more honest but how to do that without hurting anyone is the part I can't figure out.

flutter- So true. So true. Usually the person on the other end feels better because they've got it all out and I'm the one feeling resentful.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

There is an old tale about a group of Native American women who regularly “sat circle.” The first time a woman would complain about something, the group would empathize with her. The second time she complained about the same thing, the group would ask her what she was doing about it. The third time she complained about it, all of the women in the circle would stand up and move the circle away from her.

Does that tale offer any advice for your situation?

MsLittlePea said...

Yes.I'm definitely going to remember that.

Hel said...

I was on the phone for 1 hour last night on one of those.And I felt too bad to cut her short.


seventh sister said...

I recently asked a friend when the last time was that she remembered feeling good. She could not tell me.She said that she would have to think about it and talk with her therapist. I thought that was so sad. You might try changing the subject to something funny or some fun time you had together. Anything for a laugh.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I totally relate to this. I have a relative who does exactly that in frequent phone calls, between e-mails about her many grievances, that is. But on the phone, I feel pinned to the wall.

I love your expression, "emotional landfills." It's excellent.

I have told her many times that I really don't like talking on the phone, which isn't precisely true. Only in certain cases with energy vampires.

If she really wanted my help in solving her many problems, most of them caused by her amazing degree of self-absorption, I would be very happy to help. But to be a sounding board for the same problems year after year is pointless, wears me out, and accomplishes nothing.

MsLittlePea said...

Seventh sis-That is sad. I wish I could convince my friend to get a therapist.

Hearts- I feel like we're talking about the same person.

Laurie said...

It's emotionally draining for you to have to hear that for hours (or even minutes) and I can't help but think it's harmful to your health.

Please take care of yourself first, Angel, all that negative energy can be dangerous.


Blondie said...

I used to be the person that everyone called and then I abruptly stopped answer my phone. Ever. I almost never answer it now unless it's my parents. I let people leave messages. For a while, this freaked people out, but then they got used to it. You should try it. Just let the machine get it for a whole week. You'll be amazed at how good you feel.

PS: Will you post a pic of your orchids? (You are NOT an asshole for stealing the aloe, btw).

heartinsanfrancisco said...

You must know my cousin...

Deezee said...

I certainly relate!

Maurey Pierce said...

Calls should always be screened for this express purpose.