Monday, December 17, 2007

One down, one to go

(Anyone sick of hearing about my health stuff, go ahead and skip today's post. I promise it won't hurt my feelings because frankly, I'm sick of the topic myself. But I can't find my journal and I HAVE to write this all down or I'll go crazy. And we don't want that do we?)

I got my first thyrogen injection today. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. But it did hurt, trust me. I've never met anyone who liked needles so I know I'm not alone in that feeling. But it was just a minute of discomfort and the no-nonsense nurse didn't give me enough time freak out. I have one more injection tomorow, a radio iodine pill on Wednesday and a complete body scan on Friday. Assuming the results are good I don't expect to have any big radiation pills and can just go along my merry way until next year. (I'm still not allowed to have any babies until my doctor says it's ok, but that's ok with me for now) I prepared to not do anything today and tomorrow in case I had any weird side effects but so far so good. I do have a little anxiety. I had to do this because it's been over a year since my radiation and it was time to see if there were any leftover cancer cells that the radiation didn't kill or recurrence. Last year I had to go off my med for two months before the radio iodine pill and body scan so that my results would be accurate and I was MISERABLE. I was weak, dizzy, achy, emotional, forgetful, not to mention BLOATED all over(especially my face, and I already have chubby cheeks as is it-not that I'm complaining, but you know what I mean). So when my doctor said I could get these injections instead of going off my meds, of course I prefer that. But I read one of the risks is that it can slightly lower the accuracy of the test results. I mean, I trust this doctor above all, I know she would never suggest something that wouldn't work, she's the one who found my cancer in the first place. I even asked her about it and she said not to worry. In the kind of cancer I was diagnosed with recurrence risk is usually pretty low, but(of course) my case was special because of the size of my tumor and how fast it was. I keep asking myself, did I make the right choice? This was a decision I had to make by myself. I have been 'taken care of' all my life. I grew up having everything 'done' for me and then married a husband who spoils me.
My husband and I (especially me) have had a sort of prolonged adolescence just because we've been married for almost 11 years and still don't have any children or big responsibilities. We been able to live where we want and travel some. So we have a great deal of freedom and ease, especially me because I'm not joking, bragging or exaggerating when I say that I'm spoiled.(and I don't even really mean spoiled materially because it's not that way- I just mean that I do have everything I need and for the most part, I don't have any demands placed upon me, something I thank the Lord for every night) This blog is the perfect example of how I live, I pretty much do whatever I feel like doing.
This is not to say that I've never been on my own before, I have and I was fine. It's just that, for me, making decisions about working and being able to pay rent and bills were so small in comparison to the decisions I have had to make on my own about my health. Those kinds of things don't scare me. It's all mechanical- work, pay bills. But stuff like this I can't really control or delegate the decisions to some else I trust.... or just forget about and go to the beach. I'm rambling, but that's what I do when I'm nervous. I'll feel better tomorrow. Actually I feel better already.


Mariposa said...

Glad everything went fine and hope the results will be all good!

You can be a brat for as long as you like, you deserve it your highness... ;)

anne said...

It's always good to talk about stuff. It makes me feel better too.

I'm glad you aren't having any side effects... and you know? It sounds like you can trust your doctor. I don't say that lightly.

You know, maybe you were given this time to be able to work through your health issues. I wonder sometimes why I am so lucky too, in terms of so many things. I imagine you would be a wonderful mother, if that's what you want to do.

I'll be thinking of you.

flutter said...

Oh honey I am so glad you are already starting to see some relief.

Maurey Pierce said...

It's great that you're feeling better ... best of luck with this. Someone I know recently went through a similar issue and she is doing great now!

And, there's nothing wrong with being a lil "spoiled."

super des said...

I love you Pea!

seventh sister said...

Take it easy on yourself. Try to think any little thought that give you a moment of relief or make you feel just a little better than the thought before it.