Happy Birthday to me....

Today is my Happy Birthday. I'm 30. Turning 20 was a big thing for me and I was happy because it meant I could finally be an ADULT. Because no matter how mature you are at 19, you're still a TEENAGER. Last year when I turned 29 I felt this strange anxiety because I knew it was the beginning of my last year in my 20s. So for a couple months before today I started to feel a little anxious about turning 30. Not because I think 30 is old because I really don't. I thought I could just lie about my age like everyone else does and say that I'm 24. Then a few weeks ago I came to this realization: Why should I lie about my age? That's pathetic. That would be like saying I'm ashamed of the truth about myself. 30 years old? I think I'm doing all right...I take care of myself, I take care of my body, I still look ok...I think I'm doing just fine. A picture of me at 20 and a picture of me today-you probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Only today I'm a hell of a lot smarter than I was. A hell of a lot nicer than I was. More considerate, more polite. More comfortable with myself. More relaxed and confident. Less worried about what other people think. I'm not going to get into a brag fest but I'm proud of myself and my life and since it's my Happy Birthday I don't feel the least bit bad about saying it.
We spend so much time putting ourselves down and finding the things in ourselves that we dislike because for some twisted reason, it's easier. When we see other people we don't even know we smile at them yet when we look in the mirror at ourselves, we frown because we have too much flesh here or not enough flesh there. So my gift to myself on my 30th birthday is to be happy and proud of myself.


Plus like I told you guys before, Peanut likes me just the way I amand that's a good enough present for me.