Find of the day

The slope of the beach is changing now that fall's been tip toeing in. It's a little steeper and the water is getting cooler.

Yesterday I picked this Knobbed Whelk out of the swash zone. I almost got knocked down but I didn't want the waves to wash it away from me so I had to get a little deeper to get to it. I don't like to go in the water here unless I'm dying from the heat because there are no lifeguards to come after me if I get pulled in from a riptide. Even in knee-deep water this is possible so I keep my distance.

I like that it's not shiny and store-bought looking. It actually looks like it spent some time in the sea and is now old and worn.

Put your ear close, can you hear the ocean? :O) This will make a good subject for some drawings I have in mind.

I also found this tiny purple urchin. It's broken on top but I like the patterns. I have 3 more at home that I'm thinking about making a Christmas ornament with.

That shark tooth is from a Lemon shark I think. The one on top, I'm not sure about.

Football

I hate drunk people. I hate watching sports. I hate drunk people watching sports. Why did I go watch a football game full of loud, obnoxious, sweaty people Saturday? Because I love my husband.

Actually it wasn't so bad. I don't really watch college football that much. Even though I say I hate it(because I kinda do), it's just kind of a habit. I went to a high school where football and basketball were a religion. So I watched many of my class mates who I had cheered for, raised money for, sold candy to for years go on to big name universities and play on tv. Only one made it to the NFL for about 5 minutes but still, it was a big deal. Plus it's something my husband and I can do together, me usually doing my nails or reading a book for at least 3 quarters of the game. Yeah, it's only fun when you're a cheerleader and you get to wear a cute little outfit.

Speaking of cheerleading, I have to admit something. Mind you, I was not nor did I pretend to be an airhead in school. I graduated 17th in my class of almost 500 seniors. With honors. And all my classes were advance, a couple of them college level that I got college credit for ok? BUT, for the most part, when it came to football, I really did not know what the hell was going on. I just did the cheers I was told and waved my little pompoms and that was it. I really didn't figure out football until my last year and even then I still didn't understand all those rules. Touchdown, touch backs, quarterbacks, running backs- I didn't know and didn't really care. Those were my classmates and that's all I cared.

Useless Random Musing

The Pillsbury Dough Boy is probably my favorite commercial character. Who doesn't love a little laughing blue eyed blob of dough? There has to be something seriously wrong with a person who hates him. I would really like to be the one who gets to poke him in the belly. In fact I would prefer to pinch him. On the bum. Not in the dirty way ok before anyone starts to get shocked! Just a little pinch. He'll still go,"Hoohoo!" Although I'm against bum pinching as a feminist I would rather be pinched on the bum than poked in the belly. Why? Because a pinch on the bum means you're a cutie, a poke on the belly means you're a blob of dough. Just because I love the Dough Boy, doesn't mean I want to be one.

I did not like the Snuggle bear. He's too 'sugary'. He's cute and all but he's like some one's annoying little kid that everyone gushes over because he's so cute, but babysit him alone and he turns into the meanest little brat you ever saw. So now and then you're forced to ooh and ah over him because his parents spoil him and push the poor kid in everyone's face. " Isn't he darling, isn't he wonderful???" No because you guys ruined him and now he's a little delinquent.....(Everyone knows at least one kid like that-Can you tell I have personal experience with a kid like that?) When I was little, I was always afraid one of my dolls or bears would come a live and scare the bejeezuz out of me. And Snuggle bear particularly looks like one I had and was scared to death of but wasn't allowed to throw away or give away because my mom didn't believe in wasting.

Barack Obama!

And that's all I need to say.

(click on the photos to enlarge ya'll)

This weekend MrPea, I, and 20,000 people went to see Barack Obama(!) About 8,000 could not get in and stayed to listen to his speech from the street.

Since I am 4' frikin 11" this was pretty much my view. But I did get to see-of course I had to stand on tip-toes for the whole speech. And in spite of how these lousy, no zoom 6m pix photos look, we actually had a great view.

(I took a mini video clip just in case any one I knew disbelieved me.)

In case anyone is wondering why I would volunteer and support Barack Obama- I shouldn't have to explain, it should be a no brainer. , I can tell you that it has nothing to do with "lipstick." I'm an actual thinking woman who doesn't give a crap whether my president wears boxers or panties so long as my president has brains enough to get us the hell out of this mess we're in. But if you read here and I read your blog, you probably already knew my choice. For one- I can't watch my husband's job get outsourced while the same companies get tax incentives to do so. And I can't watch someone who was FOR deregulation before and now tries to act like he's the champion of regulation get into the White House . I won't watch my husband get laid off one more damn time. Can't do it ya'll.

Anyway, I have never used my blog to rant about politics in the past(except when I was complaining about healthcare) and I don't plan to start preachin' now. I just wanted to brag about my weekend.

(Oh BTW I'll be doing some phone banks in the next few weeks, so if I call you,and you so don't wanna hear it, be nice to me ok?)

Yesterday's find-Quality not Quantity! :o)

I didn't get as many as Monday.

But I got a few bigger ones. I'm not sure what that big piece on the top is but it's definitely something. Someone told me it was fossil horse bone but I'll have to look it up. I'm particularly happy about the crooked-looking ones. They are from tiger sharks and I have only ever found a few. I don't know if they are rare for these parts but they are rare enough for me to get really excited about finding. I've always liked looking for shark teeth but it's that gigantic one I found last year that sort of started it all.

I was watching the sky all day for storm clouds. (I don't mind rain but I'm scared of lightning.)

I waited 4 hours for the storm to come so I would have an excuse to go home otherwise I have to force myself. Nothing came but these pretty clouds. I decided to give my skin and my eyes a break today and stay indoors.

I'm probably ruining my eyes.

Since I haven't posted about shark teeth in a long time

It's safe to assume I had a really good day at the beach today. Mother Nature was so generous to me with her shark teeth.

Oh does that look like a big handful?

Well actually I got a bigger handful, my peeps. Not including the ones that kept slipping onto the towel.

I just took this to show how diverse the shapes are. That spiky stick thing in the middle is actually a stingray barb and that thing that's shaped like an upside down cup cake on the upper right is actually a puffer fish mouth bone.

I wanted to show off how I can even find the teeny itsy bitsy baby teeth.




Someone asked me how. It truly is like finding a needle in a haystack. Just look at this picture. This is what I'm looking at when I find them.

But once you get used to putting your mind in neutral, your eyes just sort of work on their own.

Before you know it it's been 4 hours and you didn't even notice the time.


*I didn't put that tooth there, honestly. I was actually getting ready to leave when I saw that one and thought I would snap a photo so I could show you guys how hard it is and why I'm so obsessed with "the find". Weather permitting, I will be there all week. YES!

Losing it at the hospital is apparently my thing warning-to-easily-grossed-out-by-girly-things-men, this post contains the words 'tampon' and 'period'

-I almost slapped someone at the hospital where MrPea had his surgery the other day. Mind you, if you had been told to arrive at 7:30AM only to wait 7 hours before your husband's procedure started, forced to sit in the Cardio-Vascular waiting room full of right wing crazy people peeing in their pants watching Faux News crying out "sexist" every five minutes for another 7 hours, been the last person in the waiting room with no one giving any information as to where your husband is and if he's even still alive at this point, gone on a damn Odyssey just to get coffee because the right wing crazy family HOGGED ALL THE DAMN COFFEE(!), only to go on another damn Odessy looking for tampons when you're finally reunited with your LaLaLand drugged up(but doing ok) husband you might just feel like slapping someone too. Oh but that's not the whole story regarding the tampons. Yes my friends, I had to go look for tampons. Not before hand feeding my poor husband who wasn't suppossed to get out of bed or sit up the rest of the night some hospital food chicken and Mac and cheese, going up and down to the first floor(we were originally on the 2nd, then they moved him to the 4th to recover)to give my brother the keys to our place so that he could take care of Peanut. It had been over 9 hours since he'd been out and it didn't look like MrPea was going to be able to go home. Oh but that's not just it. This hospital is a friggin Labrynth ok. On my Tampon trip, I got on the elevator and pushed 1, to go down to the main lobby where I saw a gift shop and pharmacy on my search for coffee. Did this elevator go to the first floor? NO. It went to 5th floor. I wasn't paying attention since at this point I was half zombied with the stress of the day. I got off and started wandering around. I wandered for about ten minutes in this hospital from hell before a nurse told me I was on the wrong floor. Fine. I get to the first damn floor. Guess what. Everything is closed. I went up to the information desk and asked if there were any vending machines that sold toiletries. The two women working there gave me a blank stare. Forget it. I went to a receiving area and asked the same question. The two women there were apparently in the middle of an inside joke. Giggling, they could not even get an answer out. Finally after about half a minute one of them said no. I said is there anywhere I can go to get a few things for my husband and also feminine things. Laughing again. One of them spit out in a really smartassed voice,"You can go to Walgreens....."bursting out in another round of laughter. OK Time stopped for just a second and I envisioned myself jumping over the counter panther style and slapping this women and her little hyena laughing friend. Of course they both outweighed me by at least 30 pounds and being taller than me, would definitely have a longer reach so it's a good thing I did not. I'm pretty sure they assumed the evil look on my face was attributed to my being on my period and not how irritated I was being laughed at and how early a damn hospital pharmacy closed.


-Oh but that's not the end of it. Giving up, I finally went back to my husband's floor stopping first in the ladies room to see if they had a vending machine. Bingo! They did. But quickly my relief turned into full fledged maniac fury when the machine stole my last two quarters and gave me zero tampons. I cannot confirm or deny beating the machine with my elbow or kicking it Karate style, even though I've never had Karate lessons....

-Back in my husband's hospital room I calmed down, put on a smiling face for him and asked his nurse how to get to my car. I remembered I always keep a few extras in the glove box. (There are 3 parking lots and I was confused about which elevator to use and which walkway) He took about ten minutes and gave me 3 different maze scenarios before seeing the confusion on my face and said,"Or you could just go to the first floor and walk outside to the next building behind the second garage." I said,"Well, it's dark outside right now, we're in (name of scary downtown neighborhood) and I'd like to not get murdered on the way to my car...." (I just wanted to get some freakin tampons ok?! )

-In the end I figured the way out by myself and was able to retrieve the damn tampons. Did I learn any lessons? NO. Know why? BECAUSE MAYBE I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT EXTRA DAMN TAMPONS IF I HADN'T BEEN TOLD TO COME IN AT 7 DAMN 30 IN THE MORNING FOR A 2 HOUR PROCEDURE WITH A HIGH POSSIBILITY OF MY HUSBAND GOING HOME.... That's why. Or you can just blame my bad temper on my period, whatevs.

Be back in a few

MrPea will be having a surgery this week so I'm not quite sure how often I'll be posting in the next few days. I'll be around.....

New members of the I hate you club

Today I felt like I was in a Lifetime channel movie. Here's the scene: me in the waiting room at the OB-GYN for my yearly check surrounded by pregnant women. All of them happily rubbing their round beautiful bellies and disgustingly glowing with happiness. Me, miserable finding myself jealous and cursing the whole world's fertility.

I had to sit there for a half hour listening to them trade stories about how excited they were, someone just bought new toys, someone's inducing next week, someone's craving tacos and can't wait to deliver. I felt so left out. I felt like such a loser and a fraction of a woman because I can't even have a healthy baby right now.(Oh and by the way, my doctor who told me sternly not to even think of trying to have a baby for the next two years is-guess what-PREGNANT...not that it's her fault but still, the kindergarten maturity level version of myself is resentful and frankly jealous. Yeah she's in the I hate you club today too.) I'm pretty sure I did some silent pouting AND the kindergarten maturity level version of myself is also convinced that they were smug and taunting me. I've never met any of these women in my life and it's not their fault I can't be one of them. Still though I decided to dislike them for the rest of my wait. One of them even had a cute 4 year old mini-her resting her head on her pregnant belly to feel a kick. She was kind enough to ask me when I was due. The self pity version of myself thought," never never." The bitch version of me thought," bitch do I look pregnant, why do you have to rub it in?" But I politely told her I wasn't and smiled at her daughter.

I would like nothing more than a fat, bald headed, beady eyed little baby in a pouch around my shoulders at the beach with me while I look for shark teeth. I would like nothing more than pulling a toddler around in a wagon behind me while I walk Peanut. I would like nothing more than getting a five year old dressed for her first day of school. I would like nothing more than helping my genius kid(because he'd have my genes, hello!) with his homework. I know how to clap and wave at little league games. I could cry and pat myself on the back at a graduation or wedding. I'd be just as good at all these things as everyone else dammit.

I realize this is a romanticized version of raising kids. Believe me, I'm no fool, I have 6 nephews. I can tell sometimes there are times when my sister is on the edge of insanity where just one more word, one more noise, one more mess will do her in. Then I'll hear one running to her, crying with a booboo. And I'll think to myself,"I want to be the one to kiss booboos too."

Random Laziness, plain and simple

-MrPea told me recently that I don't post enough. Well, it's summer and I'm feeling as lazy as a grasshopper. That's all. Plus nothing exciting is going on right now. Mind you, that does not mean life is boring. It just means life is blissfully quiet and slow. Last week all I did was look for shark teeth. Monday through Friday. At least 4 hours each day. That's. all. I. did. You guys know about my obsession, it's not like I'm shy about it. But I'm pretty sure ya'll are sick of hearing about it so I've been leaving out my bragging and posting about it. I do need to post more often, I know this. But it's hurricane season and shark teeth are just rolling in by the millions. If I'm not out there, someone else might get them. I can't let that happen.

-Politics. Ouch. I just have one thing to say. If I hear the words "maverick" or "vetted"one more time, I might puke. People please think of some new words for me. I can't watch the news anymore, I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of experimental focus-group think tank.

-Peanut is constipated. I have no real reason telling you guys this, I was just checking to see if ya'll were still paying attention. He is ,though.

A skink(not a skank)

I took Peanut to a park yesterday and noticed a funny looking lizard.



My field guide says it a striped racerback anole but I've heard people call them skinks.


**Correction: it's not an anole, it's a Rainbow Blue Tailed Skink. oops

I waited for Noah's Ark(last week)

We went to the beach a few days ago right before the weather got really bad. The waves weren't THAT big yet but the tide was really high and as you can see from my hair, it was pretty windy.

The rain was coming down sideways, as you can see my shirt got wet but I didn't care. The air smelled so fresh.

Look how dark it was to the South compared to looking Northward. That's how I knew the worst wasn't even here yet.

We were lucky though. There wasn't any flooding in my neighborhood.

These two were taken about a week before the storm but since we're on a Noah's Ark theme here, they seem fitting. Even if it is out of correct order. I mean the rainbow did appear after a big storm, just not this one. I woke from a nap and there it was in my window.

If you look closely, it was actually a double rainbow.

And did I find any shark teeth over the weekend? Yes, I did. Yes. I. Did.

Fay, my foe (and my friend?)

We are in the midst of a tropical storm/hurricane situation and everyone on the news has been freaking out. Please. I hate when they do that. My Olympics are being interrupted every 5 minutes and they keep trying to scare everyone. And our stupid weatherman seems to be peeing in his pants with glee over getting to be on Special Weather updates. Of course he never has anything definitive to say because no one can really predict this kind of weather with exact certainty. I can easily look at the radar and make just as good a guess as he can. It's not like he works for NASA. But I can tell he's enjoying his chance to be everyone's hero.....Of course I have a beef with our local weatherman- he was a jerk to me once at Burger King when I was 12 but that's another story.

I'm not one to take a hurricane lightly but I lived in Palm Beach during the '04 and '05 seasons. So this is like a walk in the park for salty dogs like us in comparison. You prepare, stay alert, and evacuate if you're told- that's all one can do. I heard a good rule of thumb once: Run from water, hide from wind. Meaning if you're in a flood zone, leave. If not, board up, supply yourself, and hunker down.(Of course this does not apply if you happen to live in a trailer. In that case, run anyway.) Trust me, as close to the ocean as I live, if a big one was coming, Peanut and I will be kicking up some dust on our way out because MrPea enjoys a good scary storm. But this, we can handle.

I've only seen pictures but the sea is so angry right now. You can only imagine how much I'm dying inside to get to the beach and look for shark teeth. The rain, I can handle but I'm not very good at riding a bike in 25-40 mph wind gusts. If only this hurricane/tropical storm- whatever the hell it is they're calling it this hour would finish up. Of course I don't want anyone to get hurt and I'd just as soon celebrate if suddenly there were no such things as hurricanes. Right now though, in my most selfish moments I'm going crazy with excitement conjuring up all kinds of images of big shark teeth washing up on that angry shore.....sigh.

Um. Ok. Again.

I've been trained by my Grandmother in the matter of social situations and small talk so I'm probably one of the most polite people you'll ever meet. I often find myself in conversations like this screaming with laughter on the inside but smiling sweetly on the outside.Remember this? I think I met one of her relatives at a party my husband talked me into going recently. He was pretty creepy and BTW staring at everyone's breasts.

Creepy: I live in -------.

Me: Really that's not far from me. I recently saw a piece on the news about the beach erosion there. Is that near you?

Creepy: No but I wish the county would do something about that.

Me: Well I think since it's a private beach, the county can't really do anything about it. It's a shame though, those homes are going to fall right into the sea, it looks like.

Creepy: Yeah. Nobody knows what hell's the problem over there.

Me: Well I wrote a theory about it once for a Marine Biology project when I was in college. Our class did some measuring in that area and given our findings, we came to believe it may be due to development and the jetties blocking the natural flow of sand from the North. It was a really interesting study.

Creepy:(loudly) NO! NO! NO! That's not it.

Me: Oh. ok.

Creepy: You couldn't be more wrong. You're totally wrong. That's not it.

Me: Oh. I wasn't saying that I knew for....

Creepy: Yeah you got it all wrong, you don't know what you're talking about.

Me: Oh.....um....are you an Oceanographer?

Creepy: No I don't even know what the hell an Oceanographer does.


(still expecting him to say he's in the field of someone with more knowledge about beach erosion)
Me: Oh what do you do?

Creepy:(sarcastically) I'm an accountant.

Me: Um. Ok.

Random Fitness

-I recently commented about this on Maury's post last week so if it looks familiar bear with me. Sometimes I jog at a park and sometimes I work out in the 'fitness room' of my neighborhood clubhouse. Lately with the rain and lack of transportation I've been in the fitness room. Now I've told ya'll before that my neighborhood is 80% senior citizens right? Ok I live in Florida, that's how it goes. Not that this bothers me. I rather prefer it to living in a more trendy area. My neighborhood is quiet, Peanut gets all kinds of pats and kisses, I usually have the pool to myself, and I get all kinds of Grandma advice and cooking tips. The older men who use the fitness room however are a little, um, too competitive. I'm not a damn Olympic athlete, I exercise to stay strong and healthy. In fact I truly believe from my whole cancer experience, I had a fast recovery because of how healthy I was to begin with. I jog a couple miles, maybe get on the stair climber for a few minutes and that's it. I don't really do weights too much, I don't "body sculpt" or any of that crap. Sometimes I only do one mile or if I'm tired, I'll walk a quick 10 minutes. These men, I'm telling you, are going to give themselves heart attacks trying to outdo each other and, YES even me. Every time I go in there, there's one guy who, when I get on the treadmill, waits until I get to my fastest speed and then puts his higher and higher, smirking at me all the while. I'm 4'11", ok? It doesn't take steroids to outrun, outdo, outlast me ok Mister? The other two make a big deal out of lifting and make sure we can all hear their grunting and huffing noises. Sometimes I get grossed out because it sounds very, ahem, sexual.

-I'm sort of lazy and I HATE routine exercise. I like the way I feel right after and but.... It's so boring. That's why I started going to the park because I've heard people say it's better outside. No it's not. Still sucks.

-In order to make sure I work out, I usually put my exercise clothes on as soon as I get up. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I skip the whole thing and go to the beach instead.

-And please don't mistake me for someone who eats only healthy things. I don't like sugar-free, fat-free crap. I like fried chicken and gravy dammit. And real ice cream and real Oreo cookies. I like sugar and cream in my coffee please. A friend of mine is obsessed with all that Splenda sugar substitutes and fat free diet stuff. She pays over a hundred and thirty dollars a month for this ridiculous pyramid scheme "health" drink. I found the same ingredients at the GNC store for around $35. I didn't buy it, I don't believe in all that stuff. I take a multivitamin and eat real food. I have a bigger appetite than she does too and I still maintain a healthy weight. I've been telling her for years all those chemicals they put in "sugar-free" and "fat-free" stuff are actually worse than the natural fats and sugars our bodies are accustomed to digesting so you might as well just have the real thing. Just don't eat it in buckets. Of course she at least stopped using sugar substitutes but not because I told her to but because some man told her. This gets on my nerves for some reason.

I forgot to show ya'll this

My BFF's baby brother(say that 5 times really fast) showed us his secret fishing spot a couple weeks ago. BTW he is well into his twenties but he will always be W's baby brother to me since I've known him since he was 4 and had a raspy voice. Anyway, I'm not allowed to say exactly where this is but check it out. We weren't there five minutes when he had already caught a small snapper. But he put it back in the water because it was so small.

I was intrigued by the fact that it was so sandy and rocky on one side, full of marsh on the other. Well the big rocks were obviously not originally there before.

I wasn't expecting to find or even looking for shark teeth since we were on the intra-coastal but I found a tiny one. My friend found a bigger one which I think was a sand tiger shark tooth but I forgot to snap a photo of hers. This was the only one I found. I imagine this is one of the shark 'nurseries' I learned about in high school.

There was also a bunny who hopped away as soon as I aimed my camera but the view sans bunny is just as pretty.

It was a cloudy day but not bad all the same.

Will I come back here? Of course. But I promised not to tell anyone where it is exactly......

oops

I sort of, accidentally had coffee today.(NOT!)

I was feeling a little slow because of the HUGE lunch I pigged out on and I accidentally thought to myself, "wouldn't a cup of coffee be nice?" It was raining outside and it seemed like a nice, cozy thing to do. Of course I meant decaf since it's been months since my last caffeine cup of coffee. I even have some half and half I bought to use in my mac-n-cheese recipe. Ok.

I accidentally never threw away the big canister of caramel flavored coffee my inlaws bought when they were here a couple months ago. So it was by complete accident that it was still next to the coffee maker. I also accidentally put the decaf on a shelf that I could not reach last time I was reorganizing because the canister is not as cute as the caramel one is. I accidentally hurt my leg power walking with Peanut yesterday so obviously climbing the stool for the decaf was out of question even though my other leg is in perfectly good condition. So I accidentally brewed several cups of wonderfully smooth CAFFEINE coffee and accidentally drank 2 cups, enjoying every caramel flavored drop. Oh what a klutz I am.....right?

My recent CAT

My CAT scan that is. I had one this morning as a follow up to the bump they saw on my liver this past winter. I really don't have any horror stories to report. My tech was really nice and spoke French so I got to practice . He also didn't have to stab me several times for my IV like last time. I'm still irritated about that even though it was months ago because I've got excellent veins. But this time it didn't hurt and I didn't start crying in self pity.

Ok I did a little but only for 5 seconds because I had to pay attention to the little cartoon guy on the machine telling me when to breathe and when to hold my breathe. It was cute.

Of course I did NOT enjoy the 'drink' prep they gave me. Again it was disgusting but I only gagged once. I guess I was not as shocked by the nasty flavor and consistency as last time. My stomach's been angry all day though.

And yes, I did experience the peeing-in-your-pants sensation and freaked out a little but not as bad as before. I didn't yell or anything, I just had to keep telling myself to be still and to stop worrying because I did not pee in my pants. Yep.

Bra Shopping

I've been a little sad since yesterday. I had to hug BFF and her daughter goodbye. We promised not to cry but I can never keep that promise. I purposely didn't go with them to the airport for that very reason. We've known each other since we were 8 so we are pretty close. I'll try to visit them this Spring if all is well for me health-wise. I can't think of anything funny or amusing to add to this paragraph.


To cheer myself up, I went shopping today. Bra shopping. Are you thinking that's the wrong thing to shop for to cheer one's self up? You'd be thinking correctly then. I hate those places. Yeah, put up a bunch of photos of women I'll never look like and use mannequins with bodies no Earthling is born with. Did I buy anything? Of course. Why? Because I share a first name with some of their bras and I can never resist something that has my name on it. Not because of vanity, mind you. It is to make up for the fact that when I was growing up I could never find anything with my name on it. All my other little friends had personalized pencils, erasers, and stickers. Not me. Of course that was back when everyone was named Jennifer, Lisa, Heather, John-- you know, normal names. I always thought people were so damn smug about being able to buy stuff with their name on it. Now of course I can find my name on stuff. I found a key chain with my name on it at Sea World last week. I wonder if people will continue with the whole "unique names" trend. Will they start selling key chains that say Apple on them? I sort of hope they do just so I can stop being so damn smug myself over a 3 dollar key chain.

Since I originally was talking about bra shopping and then got off subject I need to return to the hell that is lingerie shopping. I read somewhere that women in France spend a big percentage of their incomes on lingerie. Can someone tell me what kind of drugs they are on so that I can ask my doctor for them? Why does Victoria's SecretHell use the pinkest light they can find to accentuate every bump and fold on a woman's body? What woman wants to look at herself under those lights? And what is up with the kiddieporn clothing they call their "Pink" line. If I wanted to look like a ten year old I could just shop in the kid's section at Target and save 75%. Am I the only one who hates the fluorescent pink and yellow polkadots and stripes? I guess I'm just old and don't get it anymore. Last time I was there, the woman "helping" me said all my bras I wanted to try on were wrong , then felt me up and told me I was a different size. She told me to give her the ones I was holding and pulled out a drawer and put it in my dressing room and told me to try those ones instead. I thought," Oh how nice, she gave me a bunch of stretched bras everyone else with bigger boobs have already left their amoebas on for me. And all the bras are black, a color I never wear, thank you lady. Employee of the year." When I opened the door to tell her I tried on and hated everything in the drawer, she was gone. With all my bras I had originally picked out also gone. I was assuming she was switching out the sizes for me so when she came back I asked her where they were. She said she put them away. Great. I told her I can't really judge what bra is for me or not because I don't like black bras since I wear white a lot, plus these ones in the drawer are all stretched out. She told me they use black because it's neutral. Ok last time I checked,nude or beige was neutral so I told her I had picked out nude and white bras because THOSE WERE THE COLORS I WAS INTERESTED IN BUYING not black. She just gave me a blank look. At that point I had already been there for 45 minutes(with poor husband patiently waiting) and was so irritated I just left. This time I ignored the stupid drawer sales technique and thankfully, because I swear my bras are ancient it's been that long, I found a couple I liked. The thing is, I left thinking, "I should have just bought a new damn lipstick to cheer myself up instead of looking at myself under those pink lights all afternoon." BTW, as I suspected, the stupid sizing thing they did was wrong. I am NOT a ( bra size omitted for privacy/embarrassment)! I am a ( bra size omitted for privacy/embarrassment)! Oh and the bras I bought were the ones I had picked out myself the first time before genius sales lady "helped" me last time.


Ok and before anyone starts to feel sorry and the need to defend genius sales lady please don't. I was nice to her. It's just that I've worked in retail sales before. I wasn't pushy, I didn't have a "technique" , I left people alone. I was very good at it and I made a lot of money. How? By not taking items out of a customer's hands that she's obviously interested in and offering putrid germful things in undesirable colors to try on instead.

I've seen the gates to hell

It is an Orlando theme park. I went to Sea World the other day with my best friend, her daughter and brother. We drove down to spend the day at the new Sea World water park called Aquatica. We were there a little later than planned because of a crisis involving Peanut, his mouth, and a dead mouse/rat/mole/thing in it--a story anyone who has a dog already has so I won't gross you guys out with the details. When we arrived, the water park was at full capacity so they weren't letting anyone else in. Our passes were all access so we walked around Sea World for a while. Ok, if you've ever been to Sea World with me, you would know, that confined animals make me cry. Confined animals trained to perform tricks for people and their screaming kids make me cry even more. The last time I was at Sea World was 5 years ago with same best friend and daughter. I had to push it down for her sake, after all she was only 4. Luckily for me no one was interested in seeing any shows this time. Not that the shows are bad, mind you. The night show with the fireworks was actually pretty cool. I remember they had it timed so that Shamu was jumping out of the water at precisely the same time a big firework was going off. But like I said, it's not my cup of tea.
We waited in line for about 45 minutes, short by theme park standards, to ride the Atlantis rollercoaster/water thing. Basically you go through some tunnels while Mermaid holograms turn from charming to Medusa-like ending with a steep plunge into water. Ok I'll admit, fun. And I'll admit that I was scared of it.

At about 2, the water park reopened so we hurried over to catch the shuttle bus. Ok I love water parks, I do. But can I just tell you guys about the feet smells? Yeah. And the food, good lord the food! And the 7 dollar bottled water? Oh and I forgot to tell you about the 10 year old we passed by cussing out his mother on our way to rent a locker. yeah

I'm scared to death of the dark. Ok. You guys know this, I'm not ashamed to admit it. So why did I wait 30 minutes in line to get on a slide that is pitch black all the way down? I swear it took everything I had inside not to have a full fledged panic attack. I got in, they said go, I went. I thought,"Omigawd,what-am-I-gonnado?!What-am-I-gonnado?! Ok breath, breathe, breathe. I'll be done in two seconds, Omigosh! Omigosh!" When I finally got out, I was so mad at myself for not figuring out that it would be dark in that BLACK CLOSED IN TUBE. I hate that slide and anyone who's not afraid of it.

I had so much fun but my ankles and feet have been sore ever since I got home. Lesson learned: it's probably a bad idea to wear wedge high heeled flip flops to a big theme park, no matter how cute they look--AND don't exfoliate your feet too much the night before lest you sloth off all the protective skin on your feet if you don't enjoy foot torture. And I've been having nightmares of being trapped in a dark watery tube that smells like feet.

Oh! And I also went here last week. Me and my BFF's yearly tradition. I brought a water proof cam with me but I've been too lazy to get them developed at Tar-jay. Soon guys.