(Don't) Take me out to the ball game

I'm not a huge fan of sporting events. If I go to a game, I usually have a good time but it's not an activity I would seek out if I didn't have a husband who enjoyed them. Last week I was lucky enough to attend a rained out baseball game.

Nice view. Good seats. I was a good sport. Really, I was. The things I do for my husband... really.
We kept thinking the rain would pass over and the sky would clear up. For about 45 minutes it did stop raining but it took them so long to prepare the field, the rain started up again by the time they were finished and ready begin the game.
Whoever bought tickets for the seats under this leak had a wife who, I'm sure was as unhappy as I was just by the look on her face. The announcer said," A bad day at the ballpark is better than a good day at work," and everyone cheered. I looked at the poor woman and we shared a smartass smile because I know we were both thinking,"F- this, I'd rather be at work!" We sat there for about 2 hours before we(I) got sick of it and decided to leave. The game was canceled shortly after we left which just so happened to be the same time as the afternoon traffic rush. Fun. I do love rain though just not baseball. Or ballpark food.

The effect I have on boys

Yep.

Yeah

This is probably a man's worst nightmare. At the same time, there are probably a few out there who are thinking it's a dream come true. Who wants to book their ticket today?

Shopping with a man

I've often heard women complain that their husbands hate to shop with them and vice versa. I don't blame men. They shop like there's a competition going on, get in- grab it- get the hell out and go get some nachos and a beer. We like to take our time, touch, try on, check out everything. What if the very thing we've been dreaming of buying is right there in that store and we miss it? The sun could melt, the Earth could explode!

I am not the most patient person in the world and I'm spoiled(not in a bad way, I'm not a brat. I'm just very lucky, I always have been). My husband, for whatever reason, has decided to take up golfing. This means he needs the good stuff. Besides mini-golf as a teen, I've never golfed in my life and have zero desire to start now. But I'm always happy when he finds something new to do because his very existence on this planet is to surf and Florida doesn't provide year round big waves like California or Hawaii. So he gets really hyper when he hasn't been surfing for a while and drives me crazy. Golf will be something extra for him to do. I had no idea that there were a thousand different kinds of golf clubs to choose from and don't even get me started on the prices-let's just say, I'd rather buy some really nice shoes but this is for him. We were in the sport's equipment store(or whatever the hell those places are called) for about 20 minutes looking at golf clubs when I started to get impatient. The way I feel in those places can only be described by bringing up the image of the little kid in the long line at the bank with his mommy screaming to leave, the promise of a lollipop isn't even good enough....

Like any doting wife or girl friend, if asked, I can come up with a gazillion reasons why I love my husband. Today I discovered one more. Strange that I would do so in the golf equipment section but that's ok. I thought about the countless times I made him wait for me to try on every single article of clothing in every single store. When I come out of the dressing room, he's always there with a patient smile on his face, full of compliments, glad that I've found something I like. He doesn't complain that I've taken forever and that I have fifty of the same kind of whatever I just tried on hanging in my closet(both statements would be true). He's simply happy that we're out together on a beautiful day and that I'm having fun. And then he'll ask if I'm ready to head out and get some nachos.

So instead of rolling my eyes at how long he was taking or pointing out how ridiculously expensive his new hobby is going to be, I, too smiled patiently and was happy that we were out together on a beautiful day and that he was having fun. And waited for him to say he was ready to get out of there and get some nachos.

Caught Red-Handed!

Exhibit A

An 11 month old awaits trial for a serious crime. He's being charged with domestic-bathroom assault and toilet paper abuse. Witnesses described him as a little, chubby cheeked, brown hair and blue eyed mini-me, wearing blue pants, white socks and a light blue shirt. The head of the household apparently caught the perpetrator in the act and immediately put him under arrest. He is currently behind crib bars and the judge has posted bail at 3 bottles of apple juice. He could receive up to 3 days of no pudding in lieu of incarceration. Officers should be warned that sight of suspect causes overwhelming urge to participate in cheek pinching.


What is the world coming to???

A Boyfriend for Neenee?-this is a 're-run' she wanted me to re-post so that we could make fun of him all over again. Enjoy!

Neenee didn't have her internet hooked up at the time this was originally posted so she wanted to me to re-post it. We still haven't gotten over the grossed-out-ness this gave us. The story behind this, if you've never seen it before is, this guy is a friend of a friend. When he heard that she was getting a divorce, this was his way of requesting a date. He sent this picture to her cell phone with the charming words of,"So when are we going out?"

Um, How about never?


I DON'T THINK SO!!!

As promised here is the picture of the idiot who thinks sending naked pictures of himself is the way to a girl's heart.


Hey Romeo! Let me give you a little tip-my sister doesn't want you ok? She might be too polite to say it frankly-but FRRRANKLY(and luckily)-I'm not. And sending her this picture thoroughly grossed us out. I'm sure you're really proud of yourself to have actually taken the time to pose and primp for her and maybe this sort of behavior works with the kind of women you're used to but you're not her type. What is her type? Well number 1-not you. Number 2-the opposite of you. Number 3-men who don't send pictures of themselves thinking the recipient will be too filled with desire to be grossed out by the fact that a total stranger just sent her a creepy naked photo. You know, really, we feel sorry for you-because you're delusional-we can tell that you're really impressed with yourself-it's obvious you take care of yourself-but maybe no one has put you in your place before or rejected you. And guess what, Mr.Ienjoysendingnakedpicturesofmyself. You're not as hot as ya think and by the way the disco era is over-crazy cool medallions should be put away or reserved only for gangsta rappers.......I'm sure I haven't hurt your feelings and that you'll go on with your life thinking you're hot-hot-hot, but I just thought you should know. For future reference: a simple,"hi how are you, would you like to join me for lunch?" is usually the best way to go if you want to date an actual person with a working brain.



She also wanted me to mention that he's from New Jersey, sells insurance, and he drives a BMW in case there are any ladies out there who might be interested in his hot-beefcake-action....

Huh?

I actually heard these sentences come out of the mouths of hetero-sexual men over the weekend-no lie:
(Mr.Pea wanted me to make sure I let everyone know he did not participate in any of the conversations wherein these sentences occurred-he's way too manly)

"I bought Justin Timberlake's cd, and I love it."

"You guys are gonna laugh, but, I really do think Britney Spears has some talent and I can see her having a come back."

"Have you ever heard that song,'Let's hear for the boy'? It's from the 80s. I like that song."

"Is my hair wierd?"

"Awh! It's raining! I just got this shirt dry-cleaned!"

"I can't believe Kelly Slater(pro-surfer) is going out with Cameron Diaz! uhhh what is wrong with him!"

"I hate those shoes-they look like nurse shoes."

"Do you think I should get my eyes done?"







yeah.