YAY!!!

This week I could have started my work outs since I've gotten the official ok from my doctor to exercise again. Sooooo, my choices for the past couple days have been: go work out OR go lay by the pool, with a magazine and some reggae. Can you guess what I chose?
Look at that beautiful sky and tell me you wouldn't have done the same? I didn't run into CreepyManWhoScaresEveryoneAtThePoolEspeciallyMe, fortunately. I DID run into this guy again.

He's so beautiful and I regret not getting a stronger camera. There's two of them that hang around so I guess they're mates but I'm not sure.


I also had to drive someone to the doctor.
It's the least I could do since he A)doesn't know how to drive and B)was anxious to hear his biopsy results. And I was too. It was negative for cancer which was the BEST NEWS EVER! He's just an old man and having a hard time fighting a nasty bacterial infection. We were really worried. He's getting better everyday and is back to waging war against his archenemy.
It's a little hard to see him but he's there.

I don't look forward to the day this poor lizard ends up in my dog's mouth like the rest of his helpless victims. I wish they could just be friends but Peanut has already made his decision and there's just no reasoning with a Jack Russel on the hunt.

Porn for Pandas

I read this article last night. Um, ok I don't have anything left to say. Call the press, Angel is speechless. I'm actually referring to myself in the third person, ok! That's what this article did to me.


I'm not sure if I'm supposed to think it's cute and sweet while hoping for it to work because face it, our world needs more pandas, that's my opinion. OR, if I'm supposed to feign shock and disbelief while making puritanical judgements about the utter corruption and stolen innocence of these pandas and strangely not be able to pull my eyes away from the screen....judge for yourself.


5 minutes later: Ok I thought about it, and I decided, I approve. Why would I begrudge pandas their entertainment and possible future procreation? I wouldn't. I love pandas. Not in that way....but I do.

Tuesday Confession

I felt so free last week so I thought I should do it again.

I used to smoke. It was a disgusting habit that started behind my best friend's above ground pool when we were twelve. I quit the day I turned twenty. The truth is, I was never really a true smoker. It was mainly because I wanted to be cool. This is not my confession though.

Here goes: I used to steal people's lighters. I'm not sure why, but a couple of my friends and I started this sick, silly competition of who could steal the most lighters. The rules were you had to steal lighters in front of your victim and never from the store-that doesn't count. I don't think we were actually competing for anything more than bragging rights but I have to admit that I was the best at it. My method was to pretend I didn't have one and,"Oh can I borrow yours,heehee?", then put it on the table or wherever I was sitting instead of giving it back, then put it in my pocket by the end of the night. Another rule was that if the person you stole your lighter from asked for it back, you had to play stupid and hand it over. So if you knew me when I was 18-20, I probably stole a lighter or two or three from you. If you hung out with me, I had already planned out how your lighter would end up in my pocket by the end of our encounter within 30 seconds. We even had a sick way of furtively showing each other the lighter we were just about to steal before slipping in into a pocket or purse right from under the victim's nose, giggling the entire time. This is the dumbest game on Earth but my two friends and I gained so much sick happiness out of this game that once in a while I'll be watching something on tv or observing people smoking together and think to myself,"Now! Now! He's not looking! Put it in your bra, nobody will notice. Damn! You missed the perfect opportunity!"

Some people play video games endlessly, some shop lift, some gamble, some do crack, some just sit around and played scrabble. Me, I stole lighters. Until I reformed my soul, quit smoking and realized the stupidness (a new word, it just sounds so much better than stupidity) of stealing lighters. Forgive me fellow and former smokers of the world, for I have sinned.




*I'm not a kleptomaniac, I promise. Other than lighters from unknowing innocent smokers, I've never stolen anything in my life. Anyone who doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, it's ok, sniffsniff, I understand, sniffsniff, it doesn't hurt my feelings. Does the excuse that I was a teenager and a penniless college student change your mind? NO? Ok fine, go be friends with someone else then...sniffsniff
And just for the record quitting smoking was the best decision I ever made.


Again feel free to purge yourself from your misguided transgressions here, if you feel the inclination. You are forgiven, my peeps.

Juvenile Delinquent

Last Thursday I walked to the library since it only takes 5 minutes and it was so nice outside. I have to pass a grocery store, fire station and several gift shops. There's usually a cop or two parked at a barbecue restaurant because they give 10% off to anyone wearing a uniform. I was wearing jeans,a backpack, had my hair in a pony tail, and was rockin' my ipod, and since I'm only 4'11" in flip flops, a policeman asked me if I shouldn't be at school, sternly I should add. He threw in a "young lady" at the end of his question, I guess, to let me know he meant business. I hate being called young lady, but I started giggling because I saw him before on my walks with Peanut so I thought he was only joking. Turns out, he wasn't. The giggling didn't help. He didn't believe me and even asked for proof that I wasn't skipping school or else he was going to call my parents. I showed him my driver's license and told him that when I was in high school on a sunny day like that, I would never have skipped school to go to the library. He felt bad for being such an ass to me but I didn't really care, I still get carded for lottery tickets so it's nothing new.

Actually it kind of made me feel like a badass to be questioned by the 5-0. Yes, I'm dangerous to society. Watch out. It's thug life for me, all the way. That's the way I roll-gangsta style.

Why can't I pass for some kind of sexy movie star or a model instead of a nerdy 13 year old playing hooky to hang out at the damn library?


*BTW-Peanut seems to be feeling better. His doctor left his surgery wounds open to drain so I feel the need to explain to anyone who walks by,"Please don't think I abuse my dog. He's just had surgery, that's why he has cuts on his little bum. I didn't do that I swear." I'm not sure why I do that since everyone in this neighborhood already knows that he's the most spoiledest(is that a word? it is now) pet on the block. His follow up is on Thursday so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and trying not to think about it.

One Sick Puppy

Peanut was allowed to come home today. We won't find out the lab results until Thursday so I'll try not to get all doom and gloom. He's taking three different kinds of medication. He's not feeling so great, can you tell? But he seems to be doing ok. I'm so happy to have him home. I was so upset yesterday.....

Thanks everyone for Peanut's recovery wishes.








The weather continues to be BEEE-YOO-TEE-FUL. I've been encountering this strange looking bird every afternoon.

I'm a little bit afraid of her. Look at that beak! Long and sharp enough to poke out both of my eyeballs!

My Poor Peanut

The house is too empty without him. Think good thoughts, bang some drums, dance, meditate, chant, 'ask the Universe'(he,he,he), cross your fingers for my Peanut. He's having surgery on one of his 'unmentionables'. He's been having problems healing from a gland infection in his, er,um, bowels for a few months now and has already had three surgeries in the past 6 months and has been on/off antibiotics and steroids. I blame myself because he's been eating the same food all his life and this started happening when I switched it. I thought since he was 9, he should be eating adult dog food, not puppy food. The vet says that's not the cause but I feel like if I blame myself then I won't have to accept the fact that he's getting old(yes, I play mind games with myself like that-I'm not sure if it's healthy but so far it works). He's back to eating the puppy food since it's easier for him to digest. I can't believe I'm writing and worrying over a dog's digestion. Well, ok I can. I love my dog. And he's turning into an old man with old man problems like that. He was our Valentine's gift 9 years ago and he's still our Valentine.


I wanted to post an old man picture of him too but blogger was acting up and started to piss me off so I gave up....
Check out his puppy muscles though. He has a good doctor. He'll be ok.






*Update: I just got off the phone with the vet tech. The surgery went well and they are not going to charge me for the surgery but they are charging me for a biopsy. I could care less about the cost but as a cancer patient myself, the word 'biopsy' concerns me. I'll find out more when I call them back at 2 because he's still under observation. He's already awake and even ate a little bit. He's never too sick to eat. My poor little pup.

Cat Massage

Everyone has already viewed this but with yesterday's filthy post, I felt the need to post something G-rated to make us feel clean again. I love a good cat massage. The cat I baby sit does this to my head.

A Boyfriend for Neenee?-this is a 're-run' she wanted me to re-post so that we could make fun of him all over again. Enjoy!

Neenee didn't have her internet hooked up at the time this was originally posted so she wanted to me to re-post it. We still haven't gotten over the grossed-out-ness this gave us. The story behind this, if you've never seen it before is, this guy is a friend of a friend. When he heard that she was getting a divorce, this was his way of requesting a date. He sent this picture to her cell phone with the charming words of,"So when are we going out?"

Um, How about never?


I DON'T THINK SO!!!

As promised here is the picture of the idiot who thinks sending naked pictures of himself is the way to a girl's heart.


Hey Romeo! Let me give you a little tip-my sister doesn't want you ok? She might be too polite to say it frankly-but FRRRANKLY(and luckily)-I'm not. And sending her this picture thoroughly grossed us out. I'm sure you're really proud of yourself to have actually taken the time to pose and primp for her and maybe this sort of behavior works with the kind of women you're used to but you're not her type. What is her type? Well number 1-not you. Number 2-the opposite of you. Number 3-men who don't send pictures of themselves thinking the recipient will be too filled with desire to be grossed out by the fact that a total stranger just sent her a creepy naked photo. You know, really, we feel sorry for you-because you're delusional-we can tell that you're really impressed with yourself-it's obvious you take care of yourself-but maybe no one has put you in your place before or rejected you. And guess what, Mr.Ienjoysendingnakedpicturesofmyself. You're not as hot as ya think and by the way the disco era is over-crazy cool medallions should be put away or reserved only for gangsta rappers.......I'm sure I haven't hurt your feelings and that you'll go on with your life thinking you're hot-hot-hot, but I just thought you should know. For future reference: a simple,"hi how are you, would you like to join me for lunch?" is usually the best way to go if you want to date an actual person with a working brain.



She also wanted me to mention that he's from New Jersey, sells insurance, and he drives a BMW in case there are any ladies out there who might be interested in his hot-beefcake-action....

Tuesday Confession

I went to Target today to buy some seeds and a new flower pot for some African Violets that haven't bloomed in forever because its pot is too small. The pot itself was $1.99 and the bottom-plate thingy was 49cents. The cashier scanned only the bottom-plate thingy and I didn't say anything. So instead of paying $2.48, I paid 49cents. An honest person would have said something. I don't feel guilty about it but with my strict Catholic upbringing and all, I thought I should seek absolution here. Forgive me Target, for I have sinned.....


Feel free to purge yourself of your own sins here if you feel the inclination. I absolve you.

I've turned into a bully

My husband is in excellent shape. He's been blessed with a metabolism that allows him to eat from sun up to sun down without gaining a pound. He has the physique of a basketball player, tall and lean. Lately he's been trying to exercise since beyond surfing when the waves are big enough, he doesn't exercise at all. He assigned me as his personal trainer since I've always been the fitness girl in the family. I didn't want this job and tried everything I could to weasel out of it but, he made me promise I would use whatever means necessary to get him motivated to work out at least 4 times a week. If you knew me in person, you would know that I am not an 'in your face' sort of girl. I have a temper as does everyone else but for the most part, I'm usually a very 'soft' person with a bit of 'smartass on the side'. I've found, though, that 'soft Angel' doesn't work when trying to fulfill my promise.

These statements don't work:

"Did you want to work out today or not sweetie?"

"Are you ready to exercise or do you want to wait til after dinner?

"Come on, let's go. Are you ready now?"

"Sweetie, you said you wanted to exercise more. Did you change your mind?"


I have to become 'bully Angel' to get him motivated and use all sorts of angles. This is what works:

Guilt trip: "That watching tv crap is just laziness, move your ass!"
"Do you want to go exercise? Or do you want a donut, your choice!"

Question his dedication:
Me-"If you were hardcore, you would have done 50 instead of 30. But, you're not hardcore."
Him-"Do you think I should do 50 then? Is that what you're saying?"
Me- "Well I shouldn't have to tell you to do 50, like I said, if you were hardcore, you would know and just do 50 on your own, without me having to tell you. But we both already know that you're not so don't bother."

Question his manhood: "Oh you don't feel like working out today? Are you a man or are you a little boy? Because a man would get up, turn the tv off, and get his ass to the fitness room."
"Oh that hurts? Please! My tiny sister had three babies and doesn't complain about the pain half as much as you do about these damn abs ok? SO I don't want to hear, ooohh it hurts."
"That's all you're going to do? I can do more than that with my eyes closed....and I'm a 4foot 11inch girrrrl...."

Appeal to his vanity: "You look like a mushroom over there, get up and go work out!"
"Do you want to be flabby? No? Because I thought you did...."
"You should worry less about your hair and more about getting your ass to the fitness room."


OK in my defense, this is all his fault anyway because I didn't want this job in the first place but then I'll get blamed when he feels guilty about not working out. This is so opposite of my personality and I don't even mean a word of it. I like him just the way he is and I could care less whether he's in rockhard, perfect shape or not as long as he's healthy. And anyway, all he has to do is say, "I give up I don't want you as my trainer anymore." If you were to ask him, he would say he doesn't regret assigning me as his trainer......yah...he better say that or he knows what'll happen.....

Thrift shopping

I saw this at a thrift store. Tell me it's not the creepiest self portrait you've ever seen.....

and the price! My Lord the price!! $11.99 Are they crazy? No I didn't buy if that's what you're thinking. As if I'd be able to sleep knowing that thing might come to life and stab me to death.

I used to go to all the thrift stores and hit all the garage sales I could find. I could even be seen at the Salvation Army and Goodwill(but don't tell anyone lest they start shopping there too and all the prices will go up and there will be nothing left for the rest of us) looking for vintage clothes and digging through the housewares and paintings. For some reason when I lived in the Palm Beach area I stopped. I think it's because I'm so sick of moving that I didn't want to add any more stuff to all the crap we had to drag around already. Then I found Madge's thrifting blog and for a little while now I've been living vicariously through her. Her finds are so good and I'm always jealous because she picks out exactly the same things I would. You could say she re-inspired me.
I used to collect dainty-old-prettypretty-girly-Grandma's house style- tea cups , saucers, dessert plates, cream pitchers and sugar bowls. I had an entire set and nothing matched but that was the beauty of it. It was for coffee or tea with the girls. BUT after our 8 month stint in Hawaii,(when the dot come bubble burst and we moved back to the mainland dammit) my boxes arrived and my little plate collecting heart broke. Every. Single. Piece. WAS BROKEN Dammit! So I've decided to try again and here is the first piece (from Germany):

Someone put this in the dishwasher a couple times too many but there aren't any chips.

I've been bitching for months how sparse our home is so I just have to jump in and do something about it before my husband does. The last time I let him pick out our home 'stuff' we ended up with the furniture from Star Trek that I'm forever complaining about. He's just so retro like that. I still don't have any salt and pepper shakers. A girl's gotta start somewhere though.

In trouble

This is one of my mom's favorite pictures. I was about 4 or 5 and I still remember when she took it. We were staying in a hotel because my dad was in the Navy and we were moving to Hawaii. At the time, I didn't think it was funny because it was our older brother's fault that we were even in trouble and you don't see any boys in this picture do you? What was the crime that we committed? I believe it was jumping on the bed and throwing paper airplanes when we were supposed to be getting ready for bed.

To this day, I still say we were unjustly punished. My brother got to watch tv while we had to stare at the wall. AND he was the one jumping on the bed and throwing paper airplanes and making all kinds of noise, NOT US.(we didn't even know how to make paper airplanes,but no one believed us) I use this as proof that we had a strict upbringing because for whatever reason most people in our extended family think we grew up as spoiled, undisciplined brats..... As if they never met my dad. That polka-dot ruffled dress is a perfect example of my 5 year old personality.

Stitches, Peanut's Archenemy and other Varmints

I was trying to get a shot of a woodpecker but he flew away as soon as I opened the door. Then I noticed the lizard. I'm happy he's still alive. How do I know it's the same one Peanut's been stalking? Actually I don't but I think this is the one.

There's also an osprey building a nest in a dead Palmetto across the lake and I can't even begin to describe how excited that makes me. I hope I get to see a baby. Those birds are so awesome to watch. I live so close to the ocean so I see them all the time flying overhead with fish in their claws. I wish I had a better shot because they are so beautiful. They have a stripe of black across their face that makes them look like they have 'cool people' sunglasses on. I'll try to get a close up shot next time I go to my secret beach.


Well it's not really a secret beach. It's just not "the cool people section" and the entrance is sort of hidden so nobody really goes there. But I keep it a secret when people ask me which beach I go to. I direct them to the nearest pier where the big ugly parking lots and 'cool people' are. Sea turtles make nests there and I'm hoping to wake up early and catch a glimpse of the hatchlings(or whatever scientific term they are called). Every year I say I will and every year I miss it.


I got my stitches taken out today. Medical instruments make me nervous. They used this on me last week and I had an inner freak-out when I walked in and saw it.


It says 'cutting' on one side and 'coagulating' and I told the nurse I didn't want to be 'cut' and I definitely didn't want to be 'coagulated'. But I had no choice and like I said it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I'm so glad that was last week.

Then today when I walked in I saw these
waiting for me. Luckily, they were just for cutting the stitches.....

Who are the people in yer neighborhood....in yer neighborhood.....in yer....

Since I walk Peanut all over the place, I've been a witness to everything that goes on here and met a lot of my neighbors. I thought I should take it upon myself to 'help' out a little........


Dear LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe,
It's ok that you hate me. But I should let you know, just for the sake of female solidarity that leather pants are not for you. You're just too skinny for them and too preppy. You don't strike me as a fringe kind of gal either. You need some more hips to really pull that off and you've got a great figure, really. I know you were going for a Pat Benetar kind of thing but you should stick to the Gap, it looks nicer and it suits you. But the hooker boots are really hot, hang on to them-I'm thinking about getting a pair for myself, actually. I know you wondering why I think you hate me, but, we're adults ok? I figured out your dislike for me, oh, around about the 5th time I said hello to you walking up the stairs and for the 5th time, you gave me a dirty look and said nothing. It's fine, not everyone has to like me, I'm at peace with that. But tell me, just for future references, is it because you don't like my taste in music when I'm in the shower? That was my first theory. Or is it my hair? Just wondering......By the way, again for the sake of female solidarity, I won't tell your boyfriend about the guy on the Harley I saw you kissing the other night while in said leather pants. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear DumbestLadyInTheWorldWhoLivesNearTheLake,
The reason I asked you if you were from Florida during our last encounter is because I noticed you feeding the alligator with your two small children and I assumed your reason for doing so had to one of 2 things: A) you're not from Florida and have no idea how dangerous alligators are when they are not afraid of humans--OR--- B) you're the dumbest person on Earth. Since you're answer was yes you're from here, I'm free to assume away. I just have a teeny, tiny request. PLEASE STOP DOING THAT YOU STUPID IDIOT! I really enjoy my walks with Peanut and one of our fondest wishes is to NOT get eaten. If one of us happens to get grabbed and pulled under, I'll know who to blame. By the way I've called the Fish and Wildlife Authorities and told them someone was feeding the alligator and they wanted to know who. But since I'm big on female solidarity I lied and said I wasn't sure who because I wasn't wearing my contacts. That's a huge lie because I don't/have never worn contacts. They plan on relocating the alligator so you'll have to find something safer to teach your kids...See you around and have a nice day.


Dear SingleLadyAcrossTheHall,
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact I like you, you're nice and surprisingly normal. I might know a cute surfer to introduce you to. We should go to Starbucks together and I'll tell you all about it. I'm free on Thursday....See you around and have a nice day.


Dear CreepyManWhoScaredMeAtThePoolLastSummer,
Don't ever ask me for my cell phone while blocking my way out ever again. I have pepper spray and I'm not an idiot. Just because I'm by myself doesn't mean I'm vulnerable and dumb enough accept your lurking behavior and the accidental 'oops my shorts are falling off ' routine. Do it again, and my husband and brother are ready to come over and help you solve your problems. You live 2 minutes away from the damn pool, walk your creepy ass back to your house if you need a phone that bad. Stop taking pictures of the women who lay out while trying to pretend you're taking pictures of the trees. Everyone is on to you and the next time the police are called, they are not going to believe the lame tree photo story you gave them. We check the sex offender website monthly looking for you because face it, one of these days you will be on it. Hopefully before your behavior escalates and frankly, you should seek a psychiatrist because it will. You creep us all out and, actually, we all think you should move. Far away. Maybe Antarctica. Thanks, hope I don't see you around and have a nice day.


Dear PoorUnknowingMotherAndFatherWhoLiveNearTheWoods,
You both seem like really nice people so I thought you should know that your adolescent daughter is flashing her chest at some of the cars passing by while waiting for her bus. I'm not sure exactly why she does that, maybe you should ask her. She seems like a nice girl too. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GuyWhoThinksHeSuperHotAndLivesDownStairs,
Do you think you could maybe rev your loud obnoxious engine for 30 minutes everyday NOT right next to my window? I know and understand that you want to make sure everyone in the building knows how hot you think you are and how youthful you try to be but we enjoy NOT listening to a loud, annoying, obnoxious engine. Thanks. And by the way Don Johnson circa 1980s called and is asking for his Miami Vice wardrobe and hair back. You're a handsome man, you don't need the blonde highlights, I'm sure they cost a fortune. Ok keep the look, I won't make fun of you anymore. Just, you know, stop with the engine ok? See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GuyWhoPlaysTheDrumsInHisGarage,
Thanks for doing that in your closed garage by the way, it means you have consideration for other people. Truthfully, I enjoy it. Sounds good. Keep at it. There's a single girl across the hall from me, you should ask her out. You should know that I plan on introducing her to someone though. Try the LadyNextDoorWhoHatesMe. She likes the bad boy type. See you around and have a nice day.


Dear GrouchyLadyWhoWalksAroundWithaCamcorderTryingToGetPeople
InTroubleForBreakingCondoRules,
You get on everyone's nerves. Get a damn life. Or a job. See you around and have a nice day.



To be continued because I have a hundred more....

Another Productive Conversation With Neenee

Like I've mentioned before, I talk to my sister just about everyday. She lives a thousand miles away but that doesn't stop us from having some of the most random, dum-dum conversations. She's also in the middle of a really horrible divorce(and OH I plan to blog about that one of these days, lemme tell ya! But I'm zipping it for now) so it can get a little colorful as well. When she or I call, it's always as if we were already in the middle of a conversation as in:

(cue phone ringing)

Me: Hello?

Neenee: And did you know that bastard had the nerve to imply......

Me: Jerk!

Neenee: Asshole!

Me: They have cute sandals at Target, you should go check it out.

Neenee: Yeah! I saw! Ok, call you back I have to run out the door and pick up D- from the bus stop.




---Two hours later---

(cue phone ringing)


Neenee: Hello?

Me: I can't stand that s***! Gets on my nerves!

Neenee: Huh

Me: You know, like when you're listening to a really good romantic R&B song. And you're thinking wow this is a really good song, I think I like it. And then the singer has to go and ruin it by pausing in the middle of the damn song and start talking in a cheesy, deep, breathy-porn voice to the music, You know baby...I just want to take some time to tell you how I feel...I luuuuuv you. Sounds like an idiot!

Neenee: What the hell kind of station are you listening to?




-----The next day(which actually is today):----

(cue phone ringing)


Me: Hello?

Neenee: Omigosh I know exactly what you're talking about now. You know what I can't stand?

Me: huh

Neenee: Ok the cheesy talking doesn't bother me so much but on the video(R&B boyband)-like when they start rubbing their chins and licking their lips. Gross! Is that supposed to turn us on or something?

Me: I know right!

Neenee: (directed at chin-rubbing and lips-licking offender on tv) Barry White can do that,ok? Not yeeew! And button up your shirt, nasty-man.


Me: Girl-repellent.

Neenee: Went to Target, my size was all gone.


----Two hours later----

(cue phone ringing)


Neenee: Hello?

Me: Hurts my feelings!

Neenee: Who?

Me: Not who, it.

Neenee: What it?

Me: My coffeemaker is broken and it hurts my feelings.

Neenee: I'm in love with Anderson Cooper. I heard he might be gay but damn I'd love to maybe change his mind....that hurts my feelings.





The conversation never really goes anywhere and it's never really over either.

Afternoon Visitor

My dog has been hunting the same lizard who hides in a crack above the patio light for 3 days now. Unbeknownst to Peanut, his archenemy paid us a visit yesterday while he was sunbathing.

Check it out....

Can't see him? Take a closer look.

I do believe he's taunting Peanut. He has no idea how lucky he is to be on the other side of that window.....I'm not making any predictions or wishes(because I do love lizards)but, I have a feeling, a bad feeling, that I'll be seeing this one hanging out of Peanut's mouth soon.

Bon Voyage Captain!

I'm very close to both my inlaws. It's hard not to get close to people you've lived alone with and I love them both so much. I was lucky enough to live with them on two occasions:5 months in 2002 and 8 months in 2004. I've always called my father inlaw (or beau-pere in French) Captain because Monsier ____ sounds so cold and formal. (I give everyone nicnames) Plus look at him, doesn't he remind you of Captain Crunch? At 84 years old he is more like a real Grandfather to me and that is how I loved him. I was actually living with them when my own Grandfather passed away and I'm always so thankful for that because at that time, I knew the very last relative on Earth, who loved me unconditionally was gone and I felt like an orphan. I remember when I returned to Quebec after the funeral, I cried the whole way. And when my plane arrived, I looked out of my window and saw my beau pere's face looking for me in that tiny little airport and seeing his face made me feel like I would be alright. I was happy again because I knew I was returning to people who cared about me. I never told them this.
I once heard him tell his wife that she was still the prettiest girl in the world(he said girl-I specifically heard the word fille, which means girl not femme which means woman, that is so cute). They are the sort of couple who still smack each other on the butt, hold hands while they watch TV, and slow dance to old French love songs on their 50-gazillionth anniversary.

Can you tell by the look on her face how pretty she felt in her new earrings he gave her for Christmas? And can you tell how he wanted to make sure everyone else noticed how pretty they looked on her ears? This is a perfect example of the kind of husband he is.(And not to gloat or anything but, I did marry his son, you know.)
One of my favorite facts about their relationship is that she was actually engaged to someone else when they met. And I don't blame her for changing her mind!


He is the sort of Grandfather everyone should have.



Even Peanut loves him.
They had a few favorite activities they shared. One time I was kissing Peanut and gushing over how handsome my dog is and he started to tease me,"Blech! Disgusting! Not supposed to kiss a dog! A man! A man! Not a dog!" So I ran to kiss him on his face and gush about how handsome he was and he said,"Ok! That's the correct way, see Lena(his wife) I'm still a lady's man."
If you look really closely, you'll see my beau pere taking Peanut for a little ride.
I often heard him talking to Peanut as if he were a human- as in,"Let's make cofee, it's cold outside....this show is funny isn't it....let's go get gas and a sandwich, I'm buying....I didn't win the lottery...."

The lottery is a whole 'nother story. Every night he sat in front of the TV with such a hopeful look on his face. One time he actually won just enough to take the whole family for a vacation in Lake George, New York.

I'm writing all of this because my beau pere died of lung cancer over the weekend. It was heartbreaking for the whole family and so difficult for my husband, who has looked up to his father all his life, to know he was now sick and in so much pain in a damn hospital bed(F-ing cancer!) dying. He had been so strong through his chemotherapy and was so cute about losing his dashing white hair: he asked while I was on the phone with my mother inlaw if we all still thought he was handsome even though he had no more hair. We sent him beanies and hats and he told us not to worry about him because he was going to live until he was 110.

This was a man who, upon hearing that I, too, had cancer broke down and cried about it. His reason was, he said, because he was never afraid for himself since he was a big strong man and he could get through treatment, no problem but I am only a little girl, how could this happen to poor helpless Angel? This was a man who hid candy in his pockets for the grand kids. This was a man who always won at cards-whether or not he was cheating was open to debate. This was a man who played pool for money in his youth. This was a man who worked as a logger at the age of 13. This was a man who was dancing and laughing in my living room the last time I saw him and never, ever made fun of my bad French.
I once heard someone cynically say," People always talk about dead people as if they are saints. Like they've never done anything wrong." This may be true, but it's probably because losing someone makes you realize all the good things cancel everything out. But in this case, I can honestly say that we knew who he was when he was alive. And we're proud of that. Nous vous aimons Captain! (we love you)

We, absolutely, refuse to say Goodbye to him. It's not Farewell, but "Have fun on your trip and see you soon!"

Franken-Pea

Today I had a disgusting mole removed from just above my right ear. My surgeon who took out my thyroid told me I should have it out during my last appointment and he's the only one I would let perform the procedure. I was freaking out about it before I even got to the office. But I couldn't put it off any longer and I had already rescheduled that appointment twice. It was definitely in the top ten most not fun experiences of my life but not as bad as I thought. I think because he was working in an area so close to my ear the noises made it worse. Since it was located inside my hairline, my doctor had to shave off some of the hair around it but that's ok. It gives me something to laugh at and as you probably know, I'm really good at laughing at myself. I also have three stitches there which was a first for me. I always heard people say what a strange sensation it is to have someone sewing your skin and the feeling of the string pulling and being tied. It truly was and it feels tight, as if I had a face lift on that side. That whole side of my head throbs now that the anesthesia has worn off and my face is a little swollen but I really can't complain. It's not anything an Advil can't help out and if that doesn't work I still have some drugs left over from my surgery......I can't wait to get the stitches taken out. They're bright blue and definitely not my color. Wasn't that a great way to celebrate my anniversary?



*By the way thanks for all the good wishes!!!! I can't wait to get caught up with everyone. I'll tell what happened soon.

Mini Hiatus

I won't be posting or blogvisiting for a couple days. I can't right now, I'm too emotional. I'll tell all about 'it' later. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.....


My tenth wedding anniversary is on the 7th YAY!

Coffee talk

I quit drinking coffee yesterday. Today, I changed my mind. It was just a case of temporary insanity. Discuss amongst your selves.......

I turned into my own mom 3 weeks ago

But only for a minute. We went out to a club with some friends. This club had two rooms; a hiphop room and an 80s room. For dancing I always prefer the hiphop room but it's never 'the cool people section.' For some reason, and this is in every club I've ever been in, the 80s room is always 'the cool people section.' So of course, the people we were with wanted to be in there. I love 80s music as I love all kinds of music but I guess because I was a kid during the 80s, it's hard for me to feel like I'm really in 'the cool people section.' This is because it's impossible for me to listen to 80s music without the image of George Micheal bouncing around in those daisy dukes. Don't get me wrong, I adored him. I remember my little 11 year old self sitting in my best friend's living room eating oreos and giggling whenever that song came on MTV.(back when MTV actually played videos, remember? good times) I had such a crush and dammit I'll admit it! My older brother used to tease about it and say,"What the hell is wrong with you? He's not interested in girls, check out those shorts, do you need any more proof than that?"

I thought he was an idiot and that there was no possible reason on Earth that this man wouldn't eventually fall in love with me, but that's another story. Back to the club: I needed to use the bathroom. I'm not the sort of girl that always has to have another girl with me just to go to the bathroom. So I went alone. I had to pass through the hiphop room. I was jealous of all the people in there dancing and having a good time. Because I was stuck in the lame 'cool people section' where no one was really dancing,"Come On Eileen" was blasting, and all the people were drunkstupid(not drunkfun). Hiphop is supposed to be so sexy and kind of macho and coooool, you guys know. So I go to the bathroom and when I came out they were playing a song that I knew and liked so I walked slowly just so I could listen some and sort of dance my way out(back to the lame room). Apparently I hadn't heard this version of the song, it must be the version that's not allowed on the radio. I took a deep breathe, put my hands on my hips, and said outloud,"This song is DIRTY!!!! I can't believe my ears." I was looking at the girls and thinking, "How can you be dancing to this? These lyrics are degrading!" I almost forgot where I was. And then I snapped out of it because I remembered listening to worse lyrics and rolling my eyes at my mom when she said the same thing. Good thing no one was there to see. I put my hands down and joined the rest of my group so I could watch them all make fools of themselves to the tune of The GoGos. (Remember I said I took pictures? I want to post them so bad but I'm using them for blackmail. The price of me not posting them are still under negotiation. Need some extra money? Just do what I do: don't drink and bring your camera.)




*He wasn't the only one I had a crush on. Johnny Depp was my first love. And River Phoenix. Since George has boyfriend and River passed away, there might be some hope left for Johnny. But I'm married now so he's just going to have to understand that and get over me already.....